Bad day in Keno...

I have to go to a wake today. I should be a grown up about this but I hate wakes. I also hate attending weddings of people I don't know very well like colleagues at work. But back to the wake...

My sister's brother in law passed away and so I have to go. I think what bothers me about any wake is the formality of it all. The open casket, the "receiving line" of grieving family members, the mumbled "I'm sorry for your loss" that always seems so awkward and, sometimes, ingenuous. It never seems to be enough. It seems there should be something more to say and yet when you don't really know the person who died very well and are only there to show support for one of the family members you know, it's hard to know what to say exactly.

I remember my father's wake. He had been a bar owner in town for 30+ years and apparently everybody in town knew him and came to pay their respects. It was overwhelming. The funeral home didn't anticipate the huge crowd and had to open up several other rooms to accommodate everyone. Even though it was nice to know my Dad had touched so many lives - if only to give them a shot and a beer - I couldn't help but shut down emotionally to the point where I felt like yelling at them all to get out. I guess I feel death and mourning is a very personal thing and to be made to play it out in front of a crowd of people, albeit people who mean well, seems so wrong.

The man who's wake I will attend tonight was a realtor, a local business owner, a member of the Kenosha Area Business Bureau and a devoted father, brother and friend to many so I know there will be a mass of people standing in that line waiting to awkwardly mumble some condolences to an overwhelmed family. I think I'll sit quietly paying my respects silently and then leave before the crowd gets too enormous.

When I die, I don't want this big show of emotion going on. I don't want to be laid out in an open casket with a line of people saying how "natural" I look or what a "great job" the funeral home did of putting on my make up. I'd rather have a quiet burial, no ceremony, and then someone just go out and have a party. Have a toast for me. Drink up. And then go out and get on with life. That would be the best last tribute of all.