Looking back...

As I previously stated in my last blog entry, I have come across some short essays I wrote at various times in my career and finding them/reading them has given me some insight into why I love what I do no matter how crappy the situation seems. I've decided to share some of them here, changing the names where needed, and by doing so, maybe, just maybe, getting a little bit of my own mojo back. Here's the first one...written in 1998, I think.

Destined

In looking back at my life I can now say that I was predestined to do the kind of work I now do. I am the case management supervisor for an agency that provides services for people with disabilities. (Note: At the time this was written I was working exclusively with people with developmental disabilities.) I never planned this for myself. Yet in spite of what I thought I might like to be when I grew up, this is what I became and, truth be told, I would not change it for the world.

Let me explain. When I was born my family lived above my parent's restaurant on the north side of town. The restaurant was located on the busy corner of a rather ordinary neighborhood. The rest of the houses on the block were regular homes with regular families. Up the street, about three houses away, was where the Johnson family lived. They seemed to have the exact number of kids in their family. In fact, I think each of siblings had an age coordinated Johnson kid to play with. My Johnson family playmate was a girl named Janie.

Janie was the kid in the neighborhood who seemed to have everything. She had the best toys, the coolest games, the newest records and a bike, which was something I coveted. I loved going to her house to play. She had a great back yard and a garage we were always getting into when we knew we weren't allowed. She also had a basement with several furnished rooms. At that time, she was my best friend in the world. She could also swear a blue streak and I loved to imitate her colorful language though I knew if my mother ever heard me I would be grounded for life. We used to go into her basement and play her collection of 45's. We would fight over who got to be Davey Jones when we pretended to be the Monkeys. We would also laugh and poke fun at whoever picked Poindexter as their "Mystery Date".

I was blissfully unaware that there were distint differences between me and my best friend. Sure, she could barely make a fist and she finally did she needed to use her other hand to unhinge all of her fingers. We all just thought that was some sort of weird, neat trick. I loved Janie the way only kids can love their dearest friends.

Eventually, my parents sold their restaurant and we moved to the south side of town. I didn't see Janie as much anymore. There were new kids in the new neighborhood and I made new friends. About a year or two after I moved, I was invited to a birthday party at a mutual friends house and I saw Janie for the first time since I moved. There was something different about her. I realized though that she had not changed in the least. After two years apart, I had grown taller and my taste in toys, boys and music had definitely changed. When I went home I asked my sisters and mother about what I had noticed. It was then I learned that Janie was what people then called "mentally challenged". She had a disability and I was never even aware of it.

Ironically, when my family moved into the new house on the south side there was a girl named Tina who lived across the street. Tina never really hung around with the same kids I did but occasionally, if I was just hanging out in our yard, she would come over to talk. She had a high pitched voice and was loud most of the time. I would watch her walk over from across the street and her head would move from side to side with each step she took. She was also very top heavy for her age. Once when I was with my neighborhood friends I asked them why Tina never came over when we were all outside together. One kid started to laugh and said that her mother wouldn't let her because she was retarded. Tina also had a disability. I later told my mother this and she said it was true. Tina's mother was afraid that the other kids would make fun of her and she would only let her come over when I was outside alone.

I liked going to Tina's house. She was fun to play with. Partly because I was at that strange age when I was a little too old to play with dolls without being teased mercilessly by my sophisticated preteen friends and Tina had an amazing Barbie doll collection. We would dress them all up and have fashion shows. Her mother would let us raid her own wardrobe and make up and we would be the "stars" of those fashion shows.

I soon learned that Tina knew Janie! They went to the same school and had been friends. It was my first lesson in just how small the world of the disabled really is. When there are so few opportunities available everyone gets to know everyone else because they are always forced to be together.

My experience and exposure to people with disabilities continued throughout my life. In high school, there was a girl named Hannah that always seemed to be on the outside of any group. She was always eating her lunch alone in the cafeteria so one day I asked her to join me and my group of friends. At first, the others were very quiet. Later they told me they were not sure how to act around her because she was retarded. I told them to just act like they always did. Soon, they all accepted her and she became one of our group of friends.

Later, when I was in college, I needed a job to help me pay my tuition. I got a job working for the Disabilities Service Center as a park director. Sounds impressive, right? Basically, I got to hang out in a park all day doing activies with disabled kids. It was a blast!

After college I was teaching for a while. I was looking for a part time job to supplement my income and a friend suggested I apply where she worked. So I did. I ended up getting the job - doing occasional recreational outings with one young disable man. As it happens, my friend worked at the very agency I am working at now. I took the part time job, quickly moved to a full time position and have been at this agency for nearly 17 years. I knew then that I was born to work in this field. I look back at all of these amazing, resilient people I have known and still know and it cannot be argued that this was the direction my life was meant to take. It was predestined.

What I have learned most from the people I have worked with is that no matter how differently abled, how behavioral, or how difficult someone's life can be, there is also great humanity and goodness. They've taught me far more than I could ever have taught them. And they humble me, each and every day.