My mom's not doing so well. She hasn't progressed as the docs and therapists had hoped so they are now saying she will need a nursing home. On the one hand, that means she will be coming closer to home. On the other hand, it means she will be forever altered.
I guess I should have been ready for this. I mean, after all, she is 93 years old and I've had plenty of time to get ready for the inevitable. But I am not ready and I am angry that life throws these damned curve balls at us and we're just expected to deal.
But, I do find comfort in thinking about the things my mother accomplished in her life.
1. She taught elementary school for over 25 years and never had a sick day unless she was in labor.
2. She gave birth to 6 healthy children and raised us all to be good decent caring people.
3. While raising us and teaching, she was the cook in my dad's restaurant. This meant she taught Monday through Friday, cooked Thursday, Friday and Saturday and then spent all day Sunday preparing her lessons for the following week. Yet we never felt she wasn't present in our lives from working too much because she made sure we had great family times - picnics, trips to the zoo, swimming at the lake, etc.
4. She made sure that we all got great educations and encouraged us in whatever we wanted to try. And she was always there to hold us up when we failed. And she never said, "I told you so."
5. She had and has so many people who love her, whose lives she's touched, whose hearts have been shared with her. I know once she's back in Kenosha she will have a never ending stream of visitors.
6. She taught me shame. She taught me to recognize that there is some behavior, some ways that I could choose to act, that would bring shame to myself...and to her. And that's the one thing I would never want to do.
7. She knows that laughing and having a sense of humor about yourself is more important than being the smartest, the prettiest or the richest. If you can laugh, no matter what your circumstances, you will be happy.
8. She taught me that inner strength can take me through the toughest times.
9. She told me she loved me every single day of my life. And she meant it. Even now, not a day goes by, when me and my siblings or my husband don't say "I love you". We end every phone conversation with that. When we leave each other's homes we say it. And we mean it.
10. She taught me that being happy...truly happy...doesn't come with wealth or power or prestige. It is simply knowing there are people I love, who love me back, and always will. I wish everyone could feel that in their lives.
My mother is a remarkable woman. She has been the pillar of our family forever. And, even now, she still is. We are all just a little lost while she is in this condition. We're all still looking to her at the moment to know how to deal with this. It's slowly dawning on us that her time to lead us may be coming to an end and we will have to remember those things she taught us, those gifts she gave us, and carry on together, taking care of her now as she took such good care of us all.
I love you Mom. Always have. Always will.
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