30 Letters in 30 Days....Day 24. the person who gave you your favourite memory

Dear Dad,

You and Mom gave me so many good memories but one of my favorites came only from you. I was at Parkside and starring as Dolly Levi in The Matchmaker. It was a big role and I was nervous about carrying the lead for the first time. I worked my tail off at rehearsals and felt pretty good about my performance. I felt ready for opening night. And, man oh man, was I nervous.

I don't remember anything about that first opening night performance. It's like that sometimes with acting. You get into a role and become that character and you really zone out the rest of the world. What I do remember is that the audience loved it...and me...and there was an enormous wave of applause at my curtain call. I was completely blown over! But, the best memory part came a little while later when I walked out of the dressing room and you were standing there Dad. You grabbed me in a bear hug and said, "I'm so proud of you!" That was the first time you actually told me that out loud even though I knew that you were always proud of me. I loved that moment and think of it often.

Later, another treasured memory also involves you. I was performing in a series of summer shows at Parkside when you passed away between show weekends. I missed the pick up rehearsal because of your death. I just couldn't rehearse. And I wasn't sure I was going to be able to perform that following weekend either. My director, Lee Van Dyke, a wonderful man to whom I owe a lot, called me and let me know that the decision was purely mine and he would back me either way. I decided to perform. The show must go on.

I tell ya, Dad, I was numb that first night. I vaguely remember being there but what I do remember is giving myself over completely to my performance. It was like surrendering my grief to my art and it was something I'd never felt before or since. When I walked out to take my bow at the end the audience ERUPTED in a standing ovation and applauded for the longest time. I looked to my left and right and my co-stars were all standing there applauding too. I walked off stage with tears streaming down my face and Lee said, "You're Dad would be proud of you." And he was right. I know you would have wanted me to do just as I had done. To soldier on, moving forward and getting on with life even though I was hurting so badly inside.

Oh, there are so many other great memories, Dad. I treasure all of them. I love you...always have, always will.

Your scoochbug,
Mary Beth