My near death experience...

Okay, I'm being a little bit over-dramatic here...I know I really wasn't "near death" but I was pretty scared and thought that I might be in danger of being dead at any time. Does that count? Let me 'splain, as Ricky once said to Lucy.

Last night two things happened that were unexpected. First, I went to a party and by party I mean one of those in-home demonstration lectures where women get together while someone tries to sell them something. The only thing that could remotely make this a party is that there are usually refreshments. In this case, there was cheese and crackers and some cookies. I had a sandwich when I got home but that's neither here nor there. Normally, I do not attend these shindigs. In fact, among my friends they have come to expect that I will help them out by placing an order for whatever it is their selling but I won't show up. They tease me about it...a lot. But last night, my coworker and office mate and good friend was the hostess and my best friend was the person doing the selling. She's started this as a side business because her husband is out of work right now and they have bills to pay. So, as a good friend, I went.

The second unexpected thing that happened was that it actually rained last night! Now rain is not unusual, usually, but in these parts we have been in the throws of a drought and hot, humid, nasty hell-like weather. (See previous blog post.) So, just as it was time to leave the party the skies opened up with spectacular lightening and Norse-god like thunder. Now, I could have waited it out and left a bit later. But, I had been awake since 5:30am and at work all day and now it was almost 8:30pm and, frankly, I was getting a little cranky and just wanted to go home. So, I made a dash for the car. By dash I mean I hobbled faster than usual which means that once I got in the car I was completely drenched to the bone and unable to see a damn thing through my wet, fogged up glasses. I fumbled around for a stray napkin or something to wipe off my glasses. What's that you say? Why would I have a stray napkin in my car? Clearly, you have never seen the interior of my car. I tend to accumulate things in my car which need culling from time to time. I prefer to think of myself as a collector. Let's leave it at that.

To make my wet, still sweaty hot self even happier, I realized that I do not have air conditioning in my car and have to rely on having the windows open in order to breathe when it's so hot outside. However, because it was pouring buckets of rain out there this wasn't even a possibility. Without the windows open, of course, the next thing to be addressed was that my body temp plus the rain plus the dropping barometric pressure outside the car (simple math, really) equaled a fogged up windshield that made it impossible to see. So, not only did I have to have the windows rolled up I had to have the defogger running with the heat on! YAY! How fun is that? Now I was not only cooking myself on the way home I was actually steaming the wrinkles right out of my clothing. I was going to be a very neat corpse!

So, I started off. My friend lives in a subdivision in the western part of the city past Hwy 31 but before you hit what I consider "county" territory. She also lives in one of the most convoluted subdivisions I have ever seen. And one of the darkest because, apparently, they shun street lights out her way! So, I started off. Again...
After the fourth time I passed her house I realized that finding the actual exit out of the this subdivision was proving to be very difficult. There I was, dripping wet, barely able to see, cooking myself in my Dodge Neon and driving around and around the same three blocks because some poor planning on someones part forgot that a street light now and then is actually a pretty damn useful idea!!! Sheesh!

Finally, I found it and I started off...again...

Now, I was on Hwy H which normally is a pleasant, pretty, and short ride in the country before you get to more "citified" streets. However, in the storm, with the torrential rain and non-stop lightening, Hwy H becomes a desolate, dark, puddle-ridden thrill ride. Again, no street lights. City planners? Seriously? Not one single street light? It was almost impossible to see where the road ended and the shoulder began and it was even more impossible to see if there was a middle yellow line I should probably not be crossing over. The good news I was the only imbecile stupid enough to actually be out there driving around so I was fairly confident that if I stayed somewhere in the middle I would be fine. And I only had to go to 52nd Street and then a quick right turn and a half mile later I would be among the living again. That was my plan! So with white knuckles clenched firmly at 10 and 2, I was sure I was going to be okay. I kept going straight ahead saying silent Hail Mary's that I would actually make it home.

Then, I saw it! Traffic lights! Hooray! I was at 52nd Street and I could turn to go home!! I aimed for the lights and sighed a quick but still anxious sigh. And then I got the lights! I made the right turn and started to head east. I drove a while and realized...I was NOT on 52nd Street. I had no idea what street I had actually turned on but I was sure it was not 52nd because for the amount of time I was driving I KNOW I should have hit the city lights by then. So, after a brief but dramatic freak out, I took a deep breath and got my bearings. I mean, after all, I was still heading east and sooner or later I would be back in the thick of Kenosha.

Then I saw it. There was light. And it was the most beautiful light I'd ever seen. Right there shining like a beacon on the ocean was...WALMART!! I hate Walmart but I have never been so happy to see anyplace as I was seeing that! I had somehow completely missed the turn onto 52nd Street and ended up actually turning on Hwy 142 which is Washington Road when you get into town which, luckily, takes me straight to my neighborhood. I was still dying of the heat and I was still soaked to the bone and I was still unable to see ten feet in front of me but I was going home!

Once I pulled up outside my house I would have stopped and kissed the ground except that it was still storming outside and I just wanted to get inside!

So, what have I learned? Not to be so impatient and wait out a storm rather than put myself in harm's way trying to get home? No....I learned to follow my instinct and just don't go to those demonstration parties in the first place!