Let me begin by stating that I am for marriage equality. I think any discrimination against people because of who they love is ridiculous. The general discrimination against gay and lesbian identified people is rampant in the US and the fact that this is probably the most talked about issue these days is a telling sign that we have our heads farther up our behinds than we realize. It's time for all people to be treated fairly and equally regardless of race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, gender, age, or ethnicity.
Now having said that, I'm going to take issue with homosexual community at large. Because as much as I am an ally and fight the hate and stigma attached to being gay I can't say that they make it easy! For instance, this week we had a training about how to work with people who have gender identity issues. A guess speaker came in the started writing a bunch of letters on the white board. The letters were LGBTQIA which stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer or Questioning, Intersexed and Allies. She also wrote LGBTQI2SA. The addition of the 2S stands for 2 Spirit which, she explained, is the Native American term for someone with gender identity issues. Then she also wrote the word CISGENDER. Cisgender is a word to label the heterosexual community. We spent the first 45 minutes of this training going over all the various words used to describe the different ways people identify their gender.
After we talked a bit about what being an "ally" meant, which is basically someone who will stand by and advocate for the rights of the person, she then said "In each of our lives, only we have a vote in our gender identity." She explained that although our gender is identified by the doctor that delivers us at birth ("It's a girl!") we determined our actual gender over time and it is still predisposed at birth but identified by us later in life. I tend to believe this is true. But she also said that unless we are predisposed to homosexuality we can't really know, as an ally, what a homosexual is feeling or going through.
Okay, here we go...
It was about this time that my brain started popping because what I was seeing and hearing is exactly what I think is a real problem in the fight for gender equality. First let me back up to that long ass anachronism they use to identify themselves. LGBTQI2SA? I firmly believe that this is remarkable sign that the gay and lesbian community is missing the point of their own argument. If the idea is that all stigma be removed and all people be treated fairly with positive mutual regard and be accorded the same right as everyone else than maybe labeling every single type of sexuality isn't the brightest thing. It seems to alienate, isolate and separate the very group that is asking the rest of us to simply accept as ordinary people! Surely there has to be a better way to identify the meaning of that clunky anachronism so that it says exactly what it means without compartmentalizing the group.
Second, why would being a lesbian or someone bisexual have feelings that I, a heterosexual woman, couldn't possibly understand? True, I have never been in a relationship with a woman or been left by a woman for someone else. I may not have the literal, actual experience but I have been dumped, rejected, hurt, discriminated against. I can and do have empathy for anyone who has gone or is going through this. Allowing the gay community to proliferate the idea that theirs is a special kind of pain just make the crevice of inequality greater. Its not until we stop identifying the ways in which we are so different that we can start celebrating the ways in which we are all the same! If you are asking me, a heterosexual female, to drop any preconceived notions or limitations or prejudices I have so that I see you as a person, than I think it's time to stop labeling yourselves and step out from behind those labels and just be people!
Maybe I am different. I'm not sure. I just refuse to accept the labeling of people and I see them as individuals with their own stories and their own lives and their own paths to follow. Life is way more interesting that way.
So, I got nothing out of the training really. Just a sense that the LGBTQ2SA community is missing the mark on this one.
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