November 22...

I remember coming home, my baby sitter bringing me home, as she did every day. It seemed earlier than usual and she seemed to be in a bad mood. When we got home my Mom was there. That was different because she was always at work and I was never brought home until it was dinner time.

The TV was on in the living room and my Dad was sitting there watching it. This was also strange because he should be downstairs in our bar waiting for customers or deliveries. Everyone was very quiet. I wanted to watch cartoons but my Dad told me no so I sat down on the floor and pouted a while and then began playing with my toys. I heard my Mom crying in the kitchen for a short while. Then she brought me a sandwich and a cup of milk. She sat next to my Mom, sniffling, and watching the TV.

It seemed as thought the television was on non-stop for about a week. I remember watching the "parade". All of the soldiers marching and the big cars. There was a horse with no one riding it and it had boots stuck in the stirrups backwards which I thought was very funny. There was a pretty lady in a black veil and two little kids. I remember seeing one of them salute the parade. All the time we watched my Mom would cry off and on.

I would not know the significance of that day, November 22, until much later in my life. I would hear people ask, "Where were you when Kennedy got shot?" but I had no real reference for that memory. It wasn't until Sept. 11, 2001 that I understood how those who lived through it felt. "Where were you when the towers fell?"

We do that. We humans. We seek to understand but when there is so much emotional pain we can only point out a state of reference and use memories to normalize it all. Just as it made no sense that two planes were hijacked and so many people were killed. It made no sense that a brilliant young man, a President, who instilled such renewed hope in this country would be shot down in his prime. When there is no sense, there is only reference.

Where were you?
Where would we be if this had never happened at all?
Makes you wonder...