Yesterday, in Tuusula, Finland, an 18 year old opened fire on his classmates killing eight of them before turning his gun on himself. A shocking event coming from quiet, peaceful Finland. I've become used to expecting those kinds of happenings in the US. Last Sunday, a woman in Milwaukee was leaving church with her 8 year old Grandson. Just as she was about to unlock her car, a 13 year old boy shoved a gun in her face and ordered her to give up her keys. He and his 16 year old girlfriend took off in her car as her Grandson screamed, terrified, at the curb. Again, sadly, something we hear about here almost everyday. Three weeks ago, here in Kenosha, WI, a group of 13 year old girls lured a 15 year old out of her home at 1:45am to go "smoke pot". When they got to the local park, they turned on her because she was hanging around with a boy they did not like. They beat her to near death, shattering her eye socket and then sexually violated her with a stick from the nearby trees.
I've become keenly aware that there is something seriously wrong happening in the lives of the children of this world. Many have speculated on what is to blame - violent TV images, lack of family values or religious affiliation, lack of respect - but none have been able to pinpoint a solution. I have a friend who taught Severely Emotionally Disturbed children in our local public school for a while. In his classroom of 15 kids, only about 2% of them indeed had a mental health diagnosis which interrupted their ability to control themselves or their actions. The others were troubled kids from broken homes who's remaining parents did not give a shit about them. My friend taught 3rd grade and those kids had seen so much violence in their young lives that is it almost decidedly assured that all of them would see the inside of a jail or prison one day. If they acted out in the classroom, the only recourse the school had was to call the parent and send them home. Often the parent or parents would turn up stoned, drunk, and angry that they were called. It was clear that sending these already troubled kids home to a violent troubled home was not the best solution.
To hear some people talk, they will place the blame on the unruly, disrespectful kids themselves. But no child is born a cold blooded killer. No 13 year old girl who has had a normal development thinks to beat someone to a pulp and rape her with a stick. These kids and the countless others like them are the product of us, the adults of this world. We like to play the blame game. We want our government to step in and we want our schools to be the moral margin by which they learn and when these two entities cannot fulfill our expectations, we want someone else to pony up and make it work.
The most valuable lesson my mother ever taught me was personal responsibility. She instilled in me the knowledge that I alone was to blame if I chose to do something that was wrong. She let it me known that the greatest punishment she could inflict on me was not a slap or a whipping but her shame. To make my mother ashamed of something I had done was horrible. But I was blessed with a family that stood by each other, monitored each other's actions, defended each other when necessary but rebuked each other when it was called for. Some people believe that is the luxury of a two parent home but single parent homes can do just fine in raising healthy, responsible adults. I think it is something more.
If we know the continual disintegration and violence present in a child's home is a major factor in the child's emotional well being then maybe the adage is correct - "it takes a village." It's easy to look away or protest when we read about these kids. It's easy to shrug and blame video games, bad parenting, a failed school system, the government. And when we do, we're right. It is the fault of all of those things but so much more. It is our fault. Our busy lives and selfish attitudes and fear of getting involved is at fault. When was the last time you volunteered for anything? I mean real, physical work volunteering not a monetary donation to some cause. Monetary donations help but they are the conscience appeasing action of the disinterested rich. There are ample opportunities for people to get involved in a child's life - Big Brothers/Sisters, the local YMCA, the Literacy Council, after school programs. Taking the time to get to know a child, mentoring him/her, being a friend, listening...can make an enormous difference to the child. But even more, it will make an enormous difference in your life. If you could reach one kid - one kid who is being bullied at school, one kid who sleeps, terrified of the violence in their home, one kid who has been bruised or broken at a tender age, just one kid - you may be able to prevent one more school shooting, one more car jacking or one more horrible, senseless act of violence. Think about it. You may really be the solution to some of this mad world's problem. You could be a Super Hero.
