The summer (or any other season) of my discontent...

Call me crabby. This morning as my alarm went off and I was faced with another day to rise and shine and get my behind to work I was bitter ten different ways. I often read inspirational stories and op-ed pieces of people who find something they love to do and then go out and do it for the rest of their lives with no qualms about making a living or how to get by. The more I read about those people, the more I hate them.

For the last 20 years I've worked for the same agency and, honestly, there are parts of my job that I sincerely love. I love the place I work. This small, not for profit place is very forward thinking yet very kind to people. We get things done on a shoe string budget by being flexible, creative and willing to get dirty when we have to. We do things that other agencies run from and, mostly, that is very satisfying. But I'm here to tell ya, even the more satisfying job becomes routine and monotonous once in a while. After 20 years, my heart and mind wander to wondering if there isn't something else out there. Of course, I'd be hard pressed to know what that is because, quite frankly, I just don't want to work anymore.

There I've said it! I want to spend my days doing whatever it is I want to do, whenever I want to do it. Of course, that's impossible. This is where my hatred for those people who figure out how to do this comes in. I just read something about a couple who sold everything and just started traveling and they go from country to country on very little money by taking whatever jobs might be available for cash and then they just move on. They've seen the world like this, met a bunch of cool people along the way and are completely content with their lifestyle. The downside? They have no permanent home, no insurance, and aren't even guaranteed a real meal on any given day. Could I really live that way? Probably not. I'm conditioned to worry about those sorts of things so I would never really be happy just "winging" it wherever I went. Yet, I am envious of those who can - jealous of their joie de vive and ability to live each day without these worries.

I'm just really tired of working at all. I want time to paint and write and travel and sleep in and cook great gourmet meals and read all those books that I've been wanting to read. That sounds, to me, like the perfect existence. And, man, I'm ready for it!

But, alas, it is not to be. Not yet anyway. So, in the meantime I have to work and be here on time and show empathy and answer questions and resolve conflicts....blah. I need a nap.

How long until I can retire?

You know how every year you get that friendly statement from Social Security stating how much your Social Security benefits would be if you retired at 65 and then at 68 and 70 and so on? How nice of them to remind every year that I will probably be working on the day of my own damn funeral! According to them, I can never retire. Well, not if I want to actually live in a house and have food once in a while.

And, because I am a twit and a do-gooder and decided that social work was a good "calling" I will have no retirement pension or nest egg to rely on whatsoever.

I could probably afford to live right here in my apartment for a while since I have dirt cheap rent to pay due to the fact that I rent from my sister and she doesn't want the hassle of finding someone else to rent to and, frankly, she knows she would have to do a ginormous amount of upgrades to rent it to anyone but me. But, she's older than me and it's likely that she will go before me leaving the house to her daughter who will probably kick me out! Maybe I should invest in a tent now while I have the income.

Now, I like my job, don't get me wrong. I just don't want to do it forever. I would like some time to rest and relax and just do whatever the hell I want to do when I want to do it. The first thing that goes is that damned alarm clock. Oh it's going alright. Right out the window, after I beat it to death with a hammer. I hate that thing.

I think I'll write a letter to the Social Security Administration. You think they take bribes? Maybe next time I get that notice it will bring me some good news. Like - Hey! You can retire next week! And we'll give you $5000 a month!

Is that too much to ask?