A life less lived...

I've been trying to figure out how to write what I've wanted to write all day now. I had intended to get to this blog earlier but my thoughts weren't coming. You see, I want to write about someone I know that passed away yesterday. Where to begin...

About 15 years ago, I started a new job as a case mananger for developmentally disabled adults. I had never done that type of work before and didn't know then that case management would become my passion. I was green and I was eager and I was scared. I had been hired by the agency I currently work for, in a position for a program they were just starting out with. I was the only case mananger there. My client list came from the previous agency who had the program. I was given some files, some names and some sketchy training and I was off.

One of the first things I did was call everyone on my case list and made appointments to meet them all. The very first person I met was a woman named Kathi. Reading her case file was like reading a novel full of abuse, neglect, financial issues, personal issues, struggles and triumphs. One thing was certain. Kathi did not not nor did she think she needed a case manager. She made that abundandtly clear the first time we met. She was unwashed, disheveled and angry and she stayed that way for months. Nothing I could say seemed to change it and it didn't help that I had to become her payee as well since she was not able to take care of her own money. Now I was the enemy.

My first year with Kathi was hellish at best. We had many, many arguments which almost always ended with her calling me some choice names and walking out. But she always came back.

Over that year, we found a way to work together and, eventually, she began to trust me. When she got into some terrible crisis, she came to me and we worked it out. She got very ill psychiatrically and she trusted me to work with her docs to get her as stable as we could again. The she got arrested. There was nothing I could do to stop her from going to jail and serving time. It was not right. She was very ill and jail serves no purpose in treating mental illness. When she was released, she was very paranoid and changed forever. It took a long time to get her to live independently again and to see her toothless smile again.

I moved on to a superviosry role but I would see Kathi when she came to the office. She always had a smile for me. Always said I looked like I lost weight! (Which I didn't but which endeared her to me all the more!) She would be nervous and scared to come in but would smile through her fears and lightened everyone's day.

She had a hard time with the silly things we take for granted like bathing ourselves, making friends, or just being out in public. She often had a strong smell from not bathing or brushing her teeth regularly. Sometimes she wouldn't make it to the bathroom and she would wet herself. Yet, everyone who ever met her was better off because of it. She was kind, thoughtful, caring, and interested in our lives in a way that we seldom see in eachother. Kathi had a hard, hard life. One that, if you never met her, you might think was not worth living. I think she would disagree with you.

And the fact that she would disagree with you shows what a remarkable spirit she was. Kathi was found dead in her apartment on Tuesday, natural causes.

She touched my life and I can only hope that I touched hers in some small way.
Rest in peace, Kathi.