I'm one of those people who have always tried to keep things in check...keeping control of everything so that I cannot possibly be taken by surprised thus rendering myself stupid. After a while, you'd think I'd learn that it is virtually impossible to control everything. First, because life just doesn't work that way. It's always taking turns and twists and throwing those curve balls that, inside, I fear so much. And second, because a life lived frantically trying to control every situation is just fucking boring.
Another reason I should know better is that all that I want in life is pretty far away at the moment. So in trying to get there, I overlook all that has to be done now to make it happen. That's the key - making it happen has to be one step at a time. I'm all "Damn the torpedoes" and "Geronimo" when it comes to getting what I want but that is exactly the moment that I need to take control and not all those other ridiculous day to day moments that are going to happen anyway!
I hate that my future has so much of it lying in the hands of others right now. It's all tied up at the bank, at work, at the Migration Bureau... and I have to get past each one of those hurdles before I can ever start making sense of it all.
Life is weird. I've always said that but it's true. None of what I hoped would happen when I was a kid ever happened. Instead, I was left with a life of surprises, mostly good at the end of the day. So what am I doing? Sitting here, spinning my wheels, and doing the exact opposite of what I know I should do.
My life is good - with all it's strange turns. I just have to accept that and get on with it because it's only then that I can actually start making my real dreams happen.
Just a side note - I spent most of the evening watching Swedish video on Stage6. I am even more determined that Stockholm is where I'm meant to be.
1 comment:
shhhh, don't tell my brain life isn't controlable, he'll never be the same if he catches on
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