I used to be friggan' awesome...

Seriously, I used to be smart, funny, witty, a little wild and crazy. I used to be talented. I used to write and sing and act and sketch and paint. I used to live for that stuff. I used to be someone I would want to know. Somewhere along the way, someone hit the off switch and all of that went away. It's like this office I used to work in. My desk was waaaay in the back and not easily seen from the door. People would go by, assume no one was in there and someone left a light on and they'd hit the switch. I'd be sitting in there in pitch darkness wondering what the hell happened.

I still have interesting friends. They still act. They sing. Play music. Form bands. I just sit here and watch it all happen. And the problem is, I don't know what to do about it. Anything I write these days seems trivial and whiny (this post for example). I feel consumed by my job and have little oomph left for any creative juices. In fact, I think my juices have solidified.

Maybe I'm just in desperate need of a break or vacation or time in a coma...or something. I don't know if you can get creative mojo back. I mean, it's not like riding a bike which seems to be the one thing you can do no matter how long it's been since you've last done it. Creativity has to be nurtured and if you neglect it, as I have, it withers and dies. Is resurrection possible? I would love to act again but where? With whom? And would I have the guts to get on stage? Probably not. (See bike riding allegory for reasons why.)

I'm feeling sedentary and decidedly uncool. I hate that. I have an inner cool person just dying to get out again. She's been buried a long time now. I hope she can still breathe.