Good night, Sweet Mother...

So far this year has not been great. While dealing with health issues of my own, my dear Mother passed away last week. She was 96 years old and had a good long life but that doesn't seem to really matter now. She's gone and I miss her.

I visited her on the day she passed. She was up and in the dining room of the nursing home. She was on oxygen and her breathing was raspy. She was working to get each breath. I knew then she would not make it through the night. When I got home, I messaged my nieces and nephews. I wasn't sure anyone was letting them know what was happening and, sure enough, they didn't know. About one hour after I let them know she was passing, my sister called me to let me know it happened. So I had to message them all again to let them know she was gone.

My Mom was an incredible woman. I'm sure everyone feels that way about their mother but she was. She worked two jobs for most of her life, making sure we had all that we needed. She lived on her own and drove to and from church and the grocery store until she was 93. Then she just decided it was time to stop driving and she happily handed over her keys and car. When she could no longer do the steps at her house, she  moved into my sister's house and had to allow someone else to take care of her for a while. She hated that! Then, on Christmas Eve, a couple of years ago, she had a stroke. My sister did her best to take care of her at home but Mom never really bounced back from the stroke and she become someone who require total care. Eventually, it became too much and the family knew it was time to find a home. St. Joseph's Home was the best place for her. My Mom was very religious and she enjoyed that the home was run by Nuns. She got to know all of the aides there and they were all so friendly and nice to us, the family. Overall, as happy as she could be in a nursing home, my Mom was happy there. They took good care of her.

But now she's gone. Her funeral will be this week. I know I will be a mess. But I have all the good memories to take with me. And now, that has to be enough.

Things my mother taught me...

1. Be presentable. My mom hated it when she thought I was leaving the house in a manner of dress that was sending off the wrong signals...either too messy, too provocative, or just plain ugly. As a teen, I would go out of my way to find ways to make her lecture me about my clothing so I could engage in a lot of eye rolling and "Oh mom!"-ing. Now, I understand why she felt the way she did. Because it does make a difference. People see and judge us every day on that first impression and, right or wrong, it makes a clear difference in how they treat you.

2. Laugh once in awhile. My mom had and still has a great sense of humor. She always had time to laugh and, occasionally, she would be downright silly. Even in her later years, she was always willing to go along with gag and then would laugh until tears streamed down her face. Humor is so important. It's what gets me through some of the most stressful events and helps me to keep balanced.

3. Enjoy a good martini! My mom loves martinis. Martinis have been her drink of choice for as long as I can remember. Whenever she and my Dad had guests, mom would have a martini while they went for the brandy. At holidays, Mom wanted a martini. A martini, though something of a classic and classy drink, is also a true go-to drink. There's no fooling around with a martini. And not those new fru fru new Cosmos or fruity things people are calling "martinis" these days. No! A martini is, and will forever be, vodka, vermouth, a spash of olive juice and two olives on a toothpick. It's pure alcohol and doesn't mess around.

4. Learn something useful. I used to argue so much with my mom who, when I was going to university, would constantly tell me to "take some courses in education so you can always teach and have something to fall back on". I was a Communications major at the time and didn't want to hear it. Now, I am an administrator in a social service agency. Along my vocational journey, I have had to take additional courses in psychology, sociology, pharmacology, and supervision. These are the "useful" things my mother referred to early in my life. She was always right.

5. Volunteer. My mom was always a big proponent of helping out to make a difference in the community. She volunteered at our local soup kitchen for years and instilled in me a life long virtue of helping out whenever I can. She always felt you can't really be part of a community if you don't put yourself out there to take care of that community. She also just felt that helping others was the right thing to do.

6. Be proud of yourself. It's easy to do things so that other people are proud of you but it's much more difficult to do things that truly make you proud of yourself. Pride is a tricky thing. We're not really supposed to go around being "proud" but my mom meant that there are things in life, choices we make, that are difficult and not always popular and those are the ones we make and can feel proud of ourselves, even if no one else feels it for us.

My mom was and is a smart cookie. She worked non-stop, side by side with my Dad, and raised 6 kids in a way that made us all feel special, loved and needed. We never had money but she made sure we weren't even aware of that as kids. We had what we needed. And we had love. Lots and lots of love. In fact, we still do something that my mom taught us as kids. We tell each other, every time we see each other, at the end of every phone conversation, before we leave a visit to go home - we always say "I love you". So much so it's just become our natural way of ending our conversations. And you know what? Each time we say it, we mean it and that's a testament to the love we learned from our Mom.

I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!