Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

I'm experiencing some serious burn out on my job lately. Don't get me wrong...I love what I do. Still, this time of year I can think of a million other things I'd rather be doing and a million other places I'd rather be. Each morning, I have to give myself a pep talk to get myself going. I come to work ready for the day, get a few hours into it and then...blah, blah, blah.

Summer has always been hard for me. The weather outside is beautiful and I want to be anywhere but here. My mind is full of wanderlust. I want to be off on our trip to Sweden. I want to start a project like going back to school. I want to get out and live a little. Sometimes it gets so bad that I am merely checking off time between work stuffs to get to the end of the day. Today is one of those days. I crammed my morning full of letter writing, contacting people, answering questions and dealing with clients and now, at 3pm, my mind is off on a tangent and when a work question arises it becomes more of an inconvenience than anything else.

Even though I do like my job, I'm kind of over it too. I've done this for a very long time and I have to think there is more to look forward to than 9 hours of this each day. I'm feeling punchy. And I like my coworkers very much too but I'm longing for new faces and new places. I need an adventure. Something that will last for the rest of my life. Not just a vacation...a real adventure. New beginnings and all that.

I've had this feeling many times before. I try very hard to keep it in check so I don't fly off and do something I will really regret later. Like quit my job! I'm not that silly. Really, I'm not. I'm sure something will come along to divert my attention. Maybe school. Maybe a plan to move, once and for all. Its out there. I just have to be patient and think it through rationally.

In the meantime, I will plug away here and try very hard not to hide under my desk. Of course, it's kind of nice under there...quiet...and no one can find me!

Never let it be said...

that I don't give my employer every single work minute to which he is entitled. This week was hellish. IN fact, so much so, that at about 8am this morning I was ready to just open the front door, walk out and keep on walking.

Working in social services has always been an exercise in finding a balance between doing what is right and doing what the red tape allows. Recently though the scales have tipped and I'm finding it harder and harder to find the joy in my work. Most days, just getting to the office is a testament to my sheer will and determination because, trust me, I really want to say "Fuck it!" and call it a day.

I'm going to tell you the truth social workers dare not speak - I am tired of caring anymore. It's an endless cycle of need, want and cannot get over and over again with a healthy dose of those who take advantage of the system thrown in the mix. At this time, I want to stand in the middle of room and scream "Help your own damn selves!!!"

I know I am burning out. And you know what? I don't care.