The truly sad thing about Whitney...

As someone who works with a lot of people who have drug and alcohol issues, either in some state of recovery or in the precomtemplative stages of change, I get a dull ache inside whenever someone famous dies in the way that Whitney Houston died. The lethal combination of prescription pills and alcohol is a sure fired way to kill yourself, even when you don't want to kill yourself. But the tragedy that is Whitney Houston's death is the same tragedy played out in Michael Jackson's death or Amy Winehouse's death. We didn't really need an autopsy to tell us how they died.

Again, as someone who works with people with drug and alcohol issues, I know one thing to be true. I will not let one single day go by when I don't say something, anything, to these folks about their drug and alcohol abuse. And therein lies the real tragedy of Whitney, Michael, Amy and countless other superstars who have met this same tragic end. When you are famous, no one tells you no. When you are famous, even if your family begs you to stop there are numerous others out there who will assist you in your demise because it makes them feel special and famous by default. Every single one of these stars had the money and resources to get into a good rehab and pay someone to be at their side 24/7 if they wanted to. That someone would have to be strong and say NO and keep saying no until that star bought in to their own recovery and sobriety. I work with people who do kick their habits and get sober with no resources and no family to lean on. They do it on their own. So someone like Whitney surely could have done it too.

Whitney was a great talent and a very troubled human being. I feel for her daughter and the rest of her family. I hope that her death will not merely be a celebration of her talent but a tragic lesson to those out there who are slowly killing themselves and I hope they will find someone with the balls to tell them NO!

A few words about Winehouse...

I've been thinking a lot about Amy Winehouse since hearing of her death. I was somewhat of a fan of hers. Not a huge fan, mind you, but I did enjoy her music when it would play on my shuffle. She was talented. She went back and dug into the music she loved and made it current and relevant.

She was also an addict.

Though the toxicity report on her is still out, I'm sure there will be some link to her almost constant use of drugs. Whether she had them on board when she died or not, a little body such as hers cannot last too long under all that abuse.

I've heard so many disparaging remarks made about her since her death. Things like, "No big surprise" and "I'm surprised she lasted this long" to "what a freakin' mess she was". It's sad really. Sad because her death will now supercede her talent and she will always be known as the sad addict who couldn't control herself. I'm sure she was much more than that.

Addiction is a funny beast. To addicts, their drug of choice seems so fun and exciting until the day when they realize they cannot control it anymore. Then they begin living for the beast. They do it in spite of knowing they are killing themselves, hurting the ones they love and ruining their lives forever. Even those who manage to beat it cannot go back to truly make amends. The damage, physical, mental and emotional, is done. The best they can do is to live the rest of their lives trying to prove they've changed. And sometimes the acceptance they so need just never comes. That's why so many relapse. It takes courage to kick it and learn to love themselves. That courage is hard to find.

I work with addicts every day. Some are addicted to alcohol, some to cocaine, some to other harder drugs. Some are addicted to seeking approval. Some, to hurting themselves. Addictions come in many forms. But one thing I know for sure is this - all of these addicts are real people, with real hopes, and dreams and stories that you knock you on your ass. They've lived through some of the worst abuse you could ever imagine. They have felt unloved and unwanted their whole lives. Yet, they are funny, personable, talented, caring individuals. They just can't see that in themselves.

I'm sure Amy Winehouse had a story too. No one just starts out "normal" and becomes "an addict". There is a significant amount of "footwork" that happens when they are children or teen agers. There is a feeling of loss, of nothingness, of being less than everyone else. There is abuse, in some cases, and neglect, in others. Drugs, for that brief moment, take that away and fill that void and make people feel bigger than they are. That's how they get you. And once they have you, you are theres. Sometimes, unfortunately, right up til the end.