Happy Birthday Jan!

Tomorrow is my father in law's 76th birthday. I wish we could be there celebrating with him. He's a bit what we call a "character" here in some of his mannerisms and ways of speaking. But, he is also very intelligent and keen on speaking to the standards of education and learning. He was, after all, a teacher at one time in his life.

The first time I ever met him I was afraid of what he was going to think of me. After all, there is an age difference between Alex and I that some people have a hard time understanding. Then there's the fact that I am an American! Haha, no one will ever admit that to my face but I feel that "silent knowing" feeling when I am there. You know, "oh, she's an American..." feeling. Swedes are very polite and would never make one feel uncomfortable but over the years I have heard bits and pieces of how we Americans are perceived in other countries. So, yes, there was that! I was nervous meeting Jan for the first time. It was completely uncalled for. He made me feel completely at home, welcomed and part of the family right away. Being that he is somewhat of a loner, meaning he prefers to not have a lot of people around at once, I knew our brief visit was taxing but he made me feel so good while I was there. He was so interested in talking to me, getting my point of view and, his favorite thing to do, getting my take on all things Swedish.

The next time we visited he had moved from his old home and into an apartment. We spent long evenings eating shrimp, drinking beer and talking well into the night. One other thing I found we had in common, we liked to watch some television. Though he would not admit it, he did like some reality television - mainly of the Swedish variety. We watched one that was as interesting as it was entertaining. A group of well known Swedish singers from different eras are brought together in one place. I think there might have been 7 of them. Each night, one of them is the host/star and the others all talk about how that person's music influenced them or good memories they had from listening to their songs. Then, one by one, they'd get up and sing one of the host's songs in their own style. It was all very entertaining though I had no idea who these people were or understood much of what they were saying. Jan filled me in on what I might be missing.

I speak very little Swedish though not for lack of trying to learn. I understand a little bit. It was pretty amazing though that while I was there the more I heard it the more I was picking up. I even dared to speak it once in a while if only to say "Tusen tack" or "Nej, tack!" which means "a thousand thanks" or "no, thanks". Jan got a kick out of hearing me try and would always make sure I got the right pronunciation. I liked sitting in the living room listening in while he and Alex talked and talked. I could only make out a few words here and there but I could tell from the tone that they deeply cared for what the other was thinking about and saying. I like watching Alex with his Dad, I know their road has sometimes been rocky but they have a great father/son relationship now.

Jan has a terrible time seeing. His eyesight has been gradually going and he is almost blind. I hope that when the time comes that he needs someone to take care of him we can do what we need to do and be there for him.

So, grattis Jan! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Happy Birthday Pappa! Wish we were there to celebrate. We'll see you as soon as we can.

With love and affection,
Mary

30 Letters in 30 Days....Day Sixteen: someone not in my state or country...

Dear Jan, I want to be able to tell you that I love you as my father-in-law. I can see that you are very important to Alex and how you have influenced him in many ways. Ways he may not even realize. When we come to Sweden, I enjoy spending time with you so much. I love how openly frank you are in conversation! Sometimes, I have to admit, some of the things you say take me by surprise but they are always interesting. I like how you try to engage me in debate about how things are in the US compared to Sweden. Or how "these days" things are so much different or worse or better than "those days". I know it's hard for you. I think you are, by nature, a loner. I don't know if your other children understand that about you or, if they do, understand why you would be that way. Yet, when I have been with you I get the sense that deep down you do enjoy the company of others, just a level you can tolerate. I find you pleasant to be around and interesting to talk to and I always get the feeling that you feel the same way about me. I thank you for accepting me in your life. I know the age difference between Alex and me is something not everyone understands. But you have embraced me as your family and I love you for that. I worry about you. As you age and as your eyesight gets worse I know that you will want to stay in your apartment and be as independent as possible and that might not be possible. I often talk about moving there to care for you in your golden years or talking you into moving here to be with us. I know we'll have many more opportunities to talk, to laugh and to get to know each other even better. I look forward to it! I feel that Sweden is in my future. Living there is my dream. And to be near family would be wonderful. Please take care of yourself and know that you have a friend in me! With love, Mary