The saga continues...

So in the vein of "anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" something else is going wrong. Last weekend, I had a routine eye exam. I wear glasses so I go at least every other year. It was the usual routine - eyes dilated, read the chart, what's the smallest line you can read kind of exam. My prescription changed slightly so I'm getting new glasses but the doc saw something new. Of course, he did. Because 2014 is my year for every single doctor I see to "see something new" and sending me on to another doc. He said my optic nerve appeared to be swollen so I had to see an ophthalmologist. Immediately.

So, yesterday, I did. He made me do a field of vision test. Turns out whatever is making my optic nerve swell is blocking my peripheral vision in my right eye. He took a picture and showed me the nerve. Yup, its swollen! But he can't tell me what's causing it so now I have to have an MRI done on Tuesday which, he says, will show what is causing the nerve to act up.

So far this year has been a roller coaster for me. I'm happy to be attending to my health issues but I'm also seeing that side of American health care that is so frustrating and costly. I don't doubt that some of what I'm being made to do is for my own good (the MRI for example and even the colonoscopy). But I was also sent to get nutritional info from the diabetic clinic because I asked to see a nutritionist to help me with my diet. I am not diabetic. And the lady there wanted me to attend 6 sessions and get a prescription for a glucose monitor and diabetic supplies which I don't need! I think it's wrong to have my insurance pay for something that I do not need. This is why insurance costs so damn much in this country! I called my doc and I'm not going back to those sessions.

Anyway, I know it's important to take care of your health. But I'm learning it's just as important to speak up for yourself when dealing with the medical professionals because once you get in the health care loop, they will keep you going on and on and on...

The Reboot: Day Five

HALF WAY THERE!! I can't believe that I have made it to Day Five! I mean, if you really know me, you know that I have often started something only to stop when it got too difficult, most especially when trying to lose weight. But honest to Pete, this has not been difficult at all. Sure there were a couple of times when I smelled something good and thought "mmm, that would be good right now!" but the reality was that I wasn't hungry. Trust me, if all I get out of this is the knowledge that I can listen to my body and know when it's hungry or not and eat accordingly that will be amazing!

But I feel I'm getting so much more. Last night, Alexander stopped and said, "You know, you looked healthier." He said that there was something about my skin tone now that was different and looked healthier. I took a picture of myself on Day One - a head shot - and so I took another one last night, and you know what? He's right! I'll spare you the photos because they are seriously horrible but in the first one my skin is pale and slightly blotchy and, in the second, I am healthily pink and rosy with an all over even skin tone. And there is the slightest thinning in my face! So exciting!

I'm determined to keep doing this juice fast thing. After the ten days are up, I will juice for two meals per day and eat one meal, regular food. But I will try to not use processed foods and make sure that one meal is high in nutrients. Alex said he'll do that with me too!

Half way there! A full five days! Why, yes, I am proud of myself! Haha!

The Reboot: Day Four

Holy cow, I made it to day FOUR! Still not hungry so the nutrients in this juice are killer! I have to go get some more fresh produce tonight. I drink Mean Grean daily so I'm out of greens. Last night I made a big tastey pitcher of the stuff with spinach, tomatoes, pears and grapes. The combination sounds awful but it's really quite good.

Last night, I did have a little trouble sleeping but I can't say for sure that was the result of the juice fast. I had been warned that the third day was the hardest so maybe that was it. If that was it, I can live with that.

Things I've noticed thus far -
I have way more energy overall. In the morning, I'm getting up like a shot where normally I would wake up, take a few minutes to get my bearings, stand up, moan because that hurt, and then start walking. Now, I just get up and go. It's a nice feeling, let me tell ya!

I've also noticed that I do not have cramps. Okay, this is probably only for the women who read this blog but we know how painful, bloaty and crampy we can get at a certain time each month. Not this time! Amazing and one part of this fast I can really appreciate.

The last thing I've noticed is kind of gross so if you're a queasy peasy type stop reading now!

I've noticed that drinking all of this fresh unprocessed juice makes for an entirely odorless bowel movement. Yes, I can now honestly say my poop doesn't stink! Haha! It just goes to show how processed foods, a diet heavy in red meat and white flour can reek havoc on our digestive systems. The odor in our excrement is a direct byproduct of the stuff we should not eat or at least severely limit. Okay, I'll stop...I may have crossed over into the "too much information" category but it is interesting and something I've noticed!

One last thing, I am especially proud of myself today of all days. Wednesdays at work is "Donut Day" meaning that every Wednesday at our morning meeting someone is assigned to bring in donut. Lots of donuts and usually from Oliver's Bakery which, if you're from the area, you know are the best donuts in the world. I love Oliver's donuts. And I passed it up and had my watermelon, blueberry, lemon juice instead. That was a banner moment for me, for sure. I have never been known to pass up a donut and probably would have had TWO of them just for good measure.

So, Day Four looks and feels pretty damn good. And I have to say, if I can do this - me of questionable will power and even more questionable food choices - anyone can do this!

OUCH!

I'm hurting today. A low ache has o'er taken my body and it's not letting up. I know this is because I may have overdone the whole working out thing this week. I worked out nearly every day. Now, for some, that might not mean a lot. For me, a consummate couch potato, it means my legs and ankles are throbbing and my ass hurts. Sorry to be so blunt, but it does!

I am a firm believer that "no pain, no gain" does work though. So, I just keep thinking that each ache means I have worked off another ounce or two and, for that, I should be grateful. Still, I'm not so sure that I should have to wait for a few seconds when I stand up just so I can let everything settle and stop hurting before I can take a step! Lemme tell ya, getting out of bed this morning was a lesson in physics. I stood up, held onto the table and counted, "One-one thousand, two-one thousand..." before I could get any momentum going. Oh, once I did I was okay. But for a moment...just one fleeting moment...I thought I was going to have to stand there for the rest of the day.

There is a downside to all this physical activity. I mean, I KNOW I actually feel better having taken on this "working out" persona. But, as it happens, I have a problem with my right foot and Achilles. I had several heel spurs on my right heel. One HUGE one on the bottom and two on the back that were aggravating my tendon. The spurs are almost gone but the tendon took some wear and tear. I have to ice it and take an anti-inflammatory medication, and wear this cockamamie elastic brace for a couple of hours each night. The brace is a killer too. It keeps my foot in a flexed position and it HURTS LIKE HELL! Make no bones about it, I am a whiner and a wimp when it comes to this brace. So, you see, while I am getting into shape I am slowly breaking down too!

Is that called "multi-tasking"? LOL

We was hooked!

Last night, after work, Alexander and I went to tour our local "Anytime Fitness" to see if it's something we wanted to join. Well, I have to tell you. It is a beautiful place. The building is beautiful, the equipment is beautiful and state of the art. There are private shower rooms - no group locker rooms. They're open 24/7 so we could work out whenever we felt like it, even at 2am if we were so inclined. There were other "women of size" working out when we were there so I felt comfortable that this was not going to be some muscle bound meat head gym. Alex and I were both impressed. Impressed the point that we completely fell for the "line" we were being given. Man, I tell ya, that guy at Anytime was quite the salesman.

Before we knew it we were signing a two year contract locking us into a long, ass financial brew-ha-ha. When we got in our car, after our tour, Alexander said "We can't do this."

I have to admit, the guy had me revved up. I was super excited about the whole idea. But, after thinking about it, I realized he was right. When we got home, he called and cancelled the whole thing. The guy became fairly insulting. He said "So, you're choosing not to get healthy because of financial reasons?"

Thankfully, Alex was on the phone because if he had said that to me I probably would have said "No, we're choosing to cancel because you're a BIG DOUCHE!"

Anyway, we are still on the lookout for a good, decent, AFFORDABLE gym. I checked at the Y. Too expensive. We'll find one I'm sure. Until then, I'll swim and do whatever.

But, MAN, that guy should be a TV pitchman. He was that good!

PhotoSHOCK...

There's nothing like seeing yourself in a photo that someone else has taken to shock you into the realization that YOU ARE FAT! Not that I needed the confirmation but today I saw a photo my niece had taken and WOW....my ass is enormous! Sorry to be so frank, but there are no other words that quite describe it.

My weight has long been a battle ground for me. A long time ago, I began packing on the pounds and no matter how many "diets" came and went the pounds repacked themselves again. Usually in the oddest places. I have an addictive personality. I know that about myself. Until recently, I was a smoker. I told myself that if I quit smoking I would gain weight. The irony is, I was already fat so not only was I engaging in even more unhealthy behavior I was completely delusional about it. I've since quit smoking and, I have to admit, there are times when I am bored and think I wish I had a cigarette OR a potato chip. I still chew nicotine gum once in a while just to keep my mouth busy. I'm slowly cutting that out and replacing it with sugar free gum.

It's honest to say that pretty much everyone in my family has a weight problem. My mother, lord love her, comes from the "clean your plate" generation. But she would also always point out that "you're eating too much". She is conflicted. Even now as adults we get her "someone eat that last piece of cake" lecture every weekend.

I have yet to find the magic combination of eating healthy and exercising that I KNOW will work. I try to keep healthy food in the house but I lack the motivation in the exercise department. I do it for a while and then stop and it takes me a while to get it back in gear. I have to get more disciplined about it and make it part of everyday.

I used to think I was ugly. I mean, seriously ugly...like "never show anyone a picture" ugly. I've gotten over that for the most part. Alexander has helped. He tells me I am beautiful and he's never lied to me so I am starting to believe him. He will never know how much he has done to heal a "little Polish girl's" scarred heart. But the weight thing is mine to deal with. I'm going to come up with a plan and stick to it. I like to write so maybe that will help. We'll see. For now, I'm keeping that photo my niece took. Maybe that side view of my wide load is exactly the inspiration I needed!