As the days wind closer to Christmas and the New Year, I've been doing a lot of thinking. A LOT! Mostly, I've been thinking about how I have to get control of myself and start taking better care of me. These past couple of weeks I have been in a lot of pain with tendinitis and arthritis and then a cold that keeps coming and going again and again. I have felt exhausted and achy and I hate that I feel so impaired! A simple trip to the grocery store just about did me in. I can do better than this for myself and I'm determined to do it.
You see, I have a lot of things I want to do and I have to be in my best health to do it. I want to go to Sweden and if I'm not walking well or aching all over, that long flight and traveling would be a killer. I want to be able to walk through the streets of Stockholm without feeling like I'm not going to make it! I just had a birthday and Ive been feeling rather old and useless ever since. Now I know that's all in my head and I have to do the things I need to do in order to get it out of there!
I am not worthless...or old. I'm totally worth it.
So, today I started to take care of me. All day long, thinking of what's best for me and why. And you know what? It feels pretty damn good. Not selfish, like I thought it might, but just really good.
So, as I approach Christmas, I will celebrate. I'll celebrate the togetherness, the quiet peace that is Christmas. I'll celebrate my family and their individual gifts. And, best of all, I will celebrate me. The me I was meant to be.
Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Monday, December 19, 2011
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Putting it all together...
I had a bit of melt down today. It was the culmination of a lot of things that really stemmed from just one - I woke up today feeling really down on myself. I don't know why that happens but when it happens nothing seems to go right and today was a prime example of that. Every little thing went wrong. I accidentally erased a butt load of songs from my ipod. I somehow lost the apps on my iphone. I had a head ache. I felt fat and ugly and completely worthless. Later in the day I was able to put some perspective on it and started feeling better.
I don't know what it is that makes us be our hardest critics to the point that we get down on ourselves over things we wouldn't in a million years ever put someone else down. We buy into that irrational part of our selves that tell us we're just not good enough and we believe it! It's strange. I guess it comes from me wanting to be just a little better than I am. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think that's a goal to aspire to and see it as an area of personal growth. But when I feel I'm not making any positive strides or something jettisons me back to a time when I felt at my worst, it's hard to crawl back up.
What really helps, and I mean really, especially now when I have so much that is good, no... that is amazingly wonderful in my life, is to think of those great things that make me so happy and realize how cool my life really is. I only have to look around this room once to see how amazing my life is. And, at the end of the day, that's all I need to lift me out of the self destructive ditch I've dug to see the sun light that's been all around me, all along.
I don't know what it is that makes us be our hardest critics to the point that we get down on ourselves over things we wouldn't in a million years ever put someone else down. We buy into that irrational part of our selves that tell us we're just not good enough and we believe it! It's strange. I guess it comes from me wanting to be just a little better than I am. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think that's a goal to aspire to and see it as an area of personal growth. But when I feel I'm not making any positive strides or something jettisons me back to a time when I felt at my worst, it's hard to crawl back up.
What really helps, and I mean really, especially now when I have so much that is good, no... that is amazingly wonderful in my life, is to think of those great things that make me so happy and realize how cool my life really is. I only have to look around this room once to see how amazing my life is. And, at the end of the day, that's all I need to lift me out of the self destructive ditch I've dug to see the sun light that's been all around me, all along.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Self eval...
I'm struggling. It's hard to even explain it really. I have the feeling that I'm just not able to communicate in a way that makes sense any more. I don't mean for this to sound all dark and desperate. This is just what's going on in my thoughts at the moment so consider this "thinking out loud" or at least "thinking while typing".
Whatever it is, it has left me second guessing myself over and over again which always leaves me feeling less than self confident. It's not that I think I have to have all the answers or even that I do have any of the answers. It's just once in a while I need to be reassured. And calmed.
At work, people come to me everyday, all day, to get answers to their questions. It's hard to switch that off when I'm at home. And I can see where that can be annoying to people in my life if all they are really wanting is someone to listen...not someone to respond. I have to work on this. I have to work on many things. I know I am flawed. I just hope that the flaws aren't so annoying that people won't tolerate them while I work on them. :)
Whatever it is, it has left me second guessing myself over and over again which always leaves me feeling less than self confident. It's not that I think I have to have all the answers or even that I do have any of the answers. It's just once in a while I need to be reassured. And calmed.
At work, people come to me everyday, all day, to get answers to their questions. It's hard to switch that off when I'm at home. And I can see where that can be annoying to people in my life if all they are really wanting is someone to listen...not someone to respond. I have to work on this. I have to work on many things. I know I am flawed. I just hope that the flaws aren't so annoying that people won't tolerate them while I work on them. :)
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