When does it stop...or does it?

I quit smoking. Actually, I've quit any number of times but this time it's been for the longest period of time that I've ever quit before. I haven't really thought about smoking in all that time. Until today...

I don't know why but all of a sudden tonight I just had the worst craving for a cigarette that I've ever had. It struck me at first that maybe I was just hungry but that couldn't be it because I had just eaten. Then I thought maybe I was thirsty so I got some water. Still didn't stop the craving. Then I thought, okay, maybe I was just bored. So I did something...still craving. I started to dig around in my purse thinking there was an wayward cig in there or something even though I knew that wasn't the case. I haven't had any cigarettes on me in well over two months now. It was the strongest, most irrational craving I've ever felt. I was even thinking to give in and go out and buy a pack of cigs but at that point I realized how stupid that was. I got online and looked up some stuff about smoking and quitting and eventually the craving went away.

It got me thinking about how powerful an addiction can really be. I mean, yes, it's just smoking, not heroin or alcohol, and people beat the smoking habit all the time. But the fact that this hit me so suddenly and so hard after all this time really got to me. I really feel that if I was with someone who smoked I would have given in. It's given me new respect for those people I know who have conquered greater addictions than mine. It's also made me painfully aware of the power this holds for me and has made me even more cautious about being aware of the triggers that make me want to smoke. Thinking on this, I realized that today was a particularly stressful workday for me and I think that's what brought this on. Man, it was ugly and I don't want to feel that again.

I'm proud of me, I am, I am....

Okay so I'm in this lifelong fight with my weight. That's not news. I've also been staving off my nicotine addiction. I quit smoking a while ago only to succumb to the urge three weeks ago when I was in a particularly stressful time. So after kicking myself several times, I found myself at the store about to actually buy some smokes. As I stood there in the line I saw the shelf with all of the quit smoking aids and when I got to the check out I bypassed the smokes and got some Nicorette. Last time I quit I did it cold turkey and the cravings never really left me. This time I'm following the plan and even joined an online quitting support thingy. It's been three days now and I'm doing great. I feel confident that I'm learning what to do INSTEAD of smoking. And I'm doing it all while still watching what I eat which, of course, is incredibly hard. Everything I've read cautions not to do both at the same time and says that it's normal to gain weight when you quit. I don't want to. I won't.

There are so many reasons I want to quit smoking once and for all. My health is reason one. I just want to stay healthy. I haven't had any health issues and I want to keep it that way. And I have plans for a long future so everything I can control and personally do to make that happen is reason enough.

So I'm a quitter! And I'm damn proud of it!