The Art of Appearing Interested

I'm not quite sure when this happened but I realized today that over the last several years I have become a master of the art of appearing interested in conversations when the conversation is not all that interesting. People have often told me that I am a great listener. I remember once being with a group of girl friends and taking one of those Cosmo quizzes about what makes someone a good friend. Overwhelmingly, all of my friends said the best thing about me was that I was good listener. Today I had a nearly hour long conversation with someone and when it was over I could not for the life of me remember more than a few details of what was talked about. It's not that I am forgetful. By all appearances I was fully engaged in that conversation - correct body language, appropriate responses and attentive eye contact - but, in fact, I was thinking about a million other things and wasn't really listening at all. The person talking to me left the conversation feeling that it was successful and had been a good talk. I left thinking "what was that all about?"

I don't mean to sound cold and I don't think I am. It's just that sometimes when someone comes to me and talks a blue streak about something or other that they feel is important and I don't get the importance of whatever it is, I tend to mentally check out. I wasn't really aware that I was doing this. I supposed I should feel bad about not being able to actively participate in any conversation but the truth is I don't feel bad about it. I realize that this only happens when the person doing the talking is either not aware or doesn't care that they are blathering on and on without really hearing what it is they are saying themselves.

A college professor once told me that "effective communication is a two way street". I guess in the case of this conversation, my street was under construction and I was forced to take a detour!