Critical listening....

I was talking to Alex about music and he presented me with an interesting thought. I've always felt a bit inadequate when it comes to listening to some music, a song, or something, and being able to tell anyone exactly what it was about it that interested me. I know what I like when I listen but other than simply saying "I think it's very good" I am hardpressed to be able to decipher why I think that or why something moves me. Alex pointed out that I seem to be able to do that for other artforms, in particular, acting.

I have acted in many, many plays in my life. Acting has always been my first artistic love. I can watch a performance in a film or play and if it's good I can talk about exactly why I think it is and what makes it so. I can see, feel and hear the details in the performance and speak to the layers the actor created in it. I can also do this with visual artforms. I can instantly relate to what it makes me feel and why.

I love music for so many reasons. I want to be able to describe what it makes me think, feel and why it does so. I want to be able to hear the technical aspects in the composition and the interpretation of the artists and producers. Alex suggested that what I should do is start to expose myself to all kinds of music - to not only listen to it but to read what other people say about it and why. I've been thinking about this a lot today and I have to agree. So that's my plan. I'm going to try to embark on a musical discovery tour of my own - just listening to many, many varied songs and then see what other's had to say about why they feel the music is so good. Maybe, over time, I can train my critical ear and finally feel confident to discuss the music in the way that I do hear it but just can't find the words.

The Art of Appearing Interested

I'm not quite sure when this happened but I realized today that over the last several years I have become a master of the art of appearing interested in conversations when the conversation is not all that interesting. People have often told me that I am a great listener. I remember once being with a group of girl friends and taking one of those Cosmo quizzes about what makes someone a good friend. Overwhelmingly, all of my friends said the best thing about me was that I was good listener. Today I had a nearly hour long conversation with someone and when it was over I could not for the life of me remember more than a few details of what was talked about. It's not that I am forgetful. By all appearances I was fully engaged in that conversation - correct body language, appropriate responses and attentive eye contact - but, in fact, I was thinking about a million other things and wasn't really listening at all. The person talking to me left the conversation feeling that it was successful and had been a good talk. I left thinking "what was that all about?"

I don't mean to sound cold and I don't think I am. It's just that sometimes when someone comes to me and talks a blue streak about something or other that they feel is important and I don't get the importance of whatever it is, I tend to mentally check out. I wasn't really aware that I was doing this. I supposed I should feel bad about not being able to actively participate in any conversation but the truth is I don't feel bad about it. I realize that this only happens when the person doing the talking is either not aware or doesn't care that they are blathering on and on without really hearing what it is they are saying themselves.

A college professor once told me that "effective communication is a two way street". I guess in the case of this conversation, my street was under construction and I was forced to take a detour!