A strange sense of unrest

It's funny but the more I delve into the things I need to do to make my plans a reality, there is a not unlikable sense of unrest that is occurring. The anticipation builds each day and, even though there is much to be done and much time that will pass before any of this is real, I feel that excited feeling of knowing that something new and good is going to happen.

It's a combination of the fear of the unknown and the knowing how good this will be. I like this feeling... a lot.

Today at work it was driven home to me that my job is becoming something altogether different than the job I signed on for. I guess I can take it but I'm not happy about it. I feel that each day takes me farther away from the original purpose of why I got into social work to begin with. I do less and less of the actual social work each day and I'm watching the general disintegration of how the government views those with disabilities. In an effort to save money, the new catch phrase is "cost effectiveness" which roughly translates to "you think you have options, but we're going to tell you what is the one option we're willing to pay for". Frankly, it sickens me. I keep hoping that, in some way, I can make a difference by being an advocate and speaking up when I see an injustice. I do see that it works sometimes. And I do see that sometimes we CAN get people what they need but it seems like a drop in a bucket most days.

For now, I'll hang on and hope. I've seen a lot of changes in this job over the years so maybe this is just one of those passing phases. Who knows...