"But I'll missss yooooooooo...."

I told my family of the plans Alex and I have which include, someday, me moving to Sweden to live. Now there's a ton of things that have to happen before the move can happen so the actual moving date is not even really close. Most of my family met my information with silence. I'm familiar with this silence. It's the silence that comes because I know they have a million and a half questions, twice as many opinions, and they are afraid to come out and ask anything just yet. It's a pattern they have and I just chalk it up to their needing to digest it all before talking about it. Except for my sister Terry...

Terry is the one sister I am probably closest too. I live upstairs from her, for one thing, so I see and talk to her everyday. She's spent far more time with Alex when he's here too so she knows him better and she's one of those people who really love other people and always wants to know more about them. Friday as we were coming home from my Mom's she blurted out "I don't want you to move." When I asked her why she said "Because I'll missss yooooo..."

Of course I will miss them all too but, that aside, I have never wanted anything more in my life. I've spent a good deal of my life doing things the way my family has wanted them to be, which was okay, but not always the way I would have chosen to do things. My family is fairly typical in that they just want to make sure that everyone is safe and going to be okay but they have made it so the only way they can be sure of that is to become almost unadventurous or curious about life, the world and other people. For example, my niece had an opportunity to go live and study in Ireland for a year. It was a great chance for her to see how other people live, to meet them on their turf, and open up her mind. It was a gift that was handed to her - all expenses paid and money to live on while she was there. Her family poo-pooed the idea as too dangerous because there was so much they themselves didn't know about where she would be going and who she would be with. So she didn't take the chance. Instead of encouraging her to break the borders of her small world, they scared her into thinking that anything outside of it was just plain scary and bad. I find that very sad.

My family's pattern is this - grow up, get educated, get a job, get married, stay here. They've all done it which is why they've always seen me as some kind of a rebel just because I happened to live in Chicago for a few years. I came back and followed their way for far too long. It damn near killed me. I have one niece who went her own way. Move to Virginia, had a baby on her own, bought a house, laid down her roots there in her own way...and they just don't know what to make of her! So, my plans to move to another country is probably making them crap themselves right now!

Terry has since (yes, since Friday!) talked about Alex and my plan and she does know why I want this and, deep down, she is excited for us. I think that if she could, she would have made the choice to do something like this long ago. Yet, each time we talk about it she ends the conversation with "But I'll missss yooooooo...." And you know what? That makes me feel good, in a way. Because I'll miss her too. I'll miss them all. But I know something they don't. I know the world is not that big a place anymore. I know that in just 8 hours I can be back or they can be there. I know that we can talk everyday if we want to and I know that this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.