Some days it's just like this...

The last part of this week has been very strange for me. I've been stuck somewhere in the crossroads of emotions and normalcy. Or maybe that is normal...who knows...

I know why I feel this way. In four days, Alex will be leaving, returning to Sweden and it's back to the day to day shit again. Even though I feel we've grown even closer as we do each time we're together, I don't feel like we're any closer to making the permanent move happen. Maybe it's that I just want it to happen so badly that any amount of time it will take is too much. Maybe we just really haven't spent the kind of time that may be necessary in getting the plan together in a way that is sound. Maybe it's all just that I know he'll be gone in four days and I'm going to miss him like crazy and be sad for a long time.

It's so hard to go back to talking by phone and seeing one another on webcam every so often. Funny how that used to be so great and now it's just another reminder of how much distance there is between us. I want to be able to enjoy the next four days and not start crying all the time but every time I think about this, I tear up. I can't help it. There is just so much standing in the way of the future and sometimes it all seems so impossible.