I work in an agency largely populated by women. I supervise 17 people in my unit and only three of them are men. There are three supervisors here - all women. It's the nature of the job I know. Social work notoriously pays low so men, whose traditional role is still that of family bread winner, just can't make enough here to support a family. But that's not really the point of this blog entry. My point is this...
I find women to be completely baffling sometimes and, remember, I'm one of them! We go a long way to seek power and to be seen as competent and equal. We will fiercely defend one another in this as long as we're defending each other against a male counterpart. But it is also true that if we're in a position to compete against one another we can become the snarkiest, backstabbers on the planet. In one conversation we can go from praising someones accomplishments to making denigrating comments about her make up. We can hold the world together with our ability to multi-task, birth and raise kids, balance budgets and present a good front. We can also take it down with just a glance. Trust me, my mom has that look - the one that could always make me cry without her saying a single word! More often than not though we turn that look towards one another which is something I never really understood. Why is it that we seek to raise each other up only to cut each other down each chance we get? Are we afraid that shining a positive light on anyone else makes the light dim a little on us? Or is this some kind of conditioned response we've learned?
I've known a lot of strong women. I was raised by one in a family teeming with them. I grew up with many and befriended a few. Personally, I've never felt threatened by them nor have I ever felt the need to turn on them. I have a hard time understanding those who do.
3 comments:
I have often wondered the same thing. You hit the nail on the head when you wondered if it was a conditioned response. I think that must be it. It goes back to our competing for men, and you know how women get when a good man is at stake. You reminded me of a morning radio talk show my son and I were listening to yesterday morning on the way to work. We don't normally listen to said radio show because I end up screaming and pissed. But they do provide fodder for many meaningful conversations between the boy and I on the way to work. Anyway they were discussing this scenario. A woman had emailed them saying that her fiancee had given her an ultimatum because she had gained 40 pounds. He said if she didn't lose at least 20 of it then he was calling off the wedding. of coarse they were all excusatory for the man, saying she probably took it out of context and that he probably didn't say it as an ultimatum....blah, blah, blah... then this "woman" called in and she repeatedly said "A woman wants a man to be protective of her and a man wants a woman to look good, that's just the way it is" shit, I about hit the car in front of me...and just what century was that woman from? or is it just me? an ultimatum is an ultimatum and if you start 'before' the wedding giving in to them then you don't have anyone to blame for the way the rest of your marriage goes. i'm sorry i don't care how much i love you or how much i probably do need to lose the weight so i can be pretty for the pictures, this sends up way to many red flags for me to just ignore much less cow down to. my point is that if we keep on buying into that myth then how can we expect anything to change. we will always be fighting, scrapping bitches over a man or a job or hell even a friggin t-shirt at wal-mart.
shit, i'm rambling...did this make any sense?
at first i read this line as ...
"I've never felt threatened by them nor have I ever felt the need to turn them on"
such a fine line between sexy and not
Prin, you make perfect sense to me. I just never understood why women do this. I'm pretty sure men don't do this. They pat each other on the back for their accomplishments, they're proud of their friends when they do good and then they move on to the next thing. I've known more women who can hold grudges for the longest time. And the conspiracy theorist deep inside me thinks men know these things about women and that's the reason why so few women really get to the top of their business game. I've even seen the scenario where there can be a man that none of the women are really interested in and then one of them decides maybe he's okay. The minute one of them changes their mind they all see him differently somehow and then the cat fights begin. It's just so strange to be a part of a group that can do so much when united but one which inevitably eats itself alive! And I agree about the ultimatum thing. If that's starting before the wedding...it's only going to get worse. Apparently that "for better or for worse part" just didn't register.
Van - you got that right!
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