Mother's Day...

Tomorrow, we're celebrating Mother's Day in the US. For me and mine, this means we will go over to my sister's house for brunch and to spend time with Mom. My mother is 91 years old. I can hardly believe that myself! She has always seemed ageless to me. She had me when she was older and, frankly, she was a little embarrassed that she had become pregnant at an age when, she thought, most people shouldn't even be having sex! I was a surprise baby but she's never made me feel unloved or unwanted.

My mother has always been the back bone of our family. Long before my father's passing, it was evident that she was the one who called the shots. She still does even though we are all grown and have our own lives. There is not a decision we make in life that we don't always think "I wonder what Mom will say about this?" She raised 6 kids, worked two full time jobs and volunteered her time whenever she could. She taught second grade for 30 years and was the chief cook in my Dad's restaurant. She taught so long that at the end of her career she was teaching the children of her former students. She never raised a hand to us. The worst thing we could do in life was to disappoint her. She believes in God and is a staunch Catholic and tried to raise us to be the same. If you were under her roof, you went to church every Sunday and there was no discussion to be had about that.

My Dad died while I was still at university and I was living at home. It was just me and Mom then. We became very close and still have a special bond today. Yet these days I know that some decisions I have made trouble her. She doesn't speak of them but I know they do. For instance, I don't really believe in God. Though I am spiritual in a way, I do not ascribe to any organized religion. Having been a good Catholic girl for most of my life (12 years of Catholic school, church choir, even was on our church council at one time) this decision, I know, deeply troubles her. I think she understands that I am a good person and strive to do good things and that should be enough. But I also know she will pray for me until the day she dies.

My divorce troubled her too. As you know, Catholics don't believe in divorce and she had to come to some terms within herself about that. I have two sister's and a brother who also went through this so my Mom did have some previous experience there. I think my Mom has always believed that marriage is "for better or worse" but her marriage of a lifetime to the man she lived for did not prepare her for what the "worse" could be. In the end, she wants her daughters to be happy so she has found a way to deal with this.

I also know that my relationship with Alexander has been something she has had to frame in a way that she can understand. In her mind, it was confusing on so many levels. First, we met on line. To my mother, who never used an electric typewriter much less a computer, the Internet is a deep, dark scary place filled with predators, murderers and porn as portrayed on the news. The idea that you could actually meet good and decent people there was lost on her! Second, Alexander and I have a rather large age difference. This, of course, set off her questions about how this relationship could ever be at all! Third, she initially could not understand how he would just fly here on a whim to meet me from another country or how I, who never travelled alone before, could just board a plane to go to Sweden...more than once! But now, she has met him, welcomed him, fed him, questioned him, laughed with him, played her blessed card games with him, and has come to care about him as she knows he is someone I love very much. She asks about him all the time when he is away and is interested in what he's doing, if he's feeling well, and when is the next time he will be here.

And that's the best thing about my mother. She doesn't always understand why I do the things I do. Sometimes she downright disagrees with the things I do. But, at the end of the day, she wants to know that I am happy and she will stand by me no matter what. She is a rock. An ever shrinking 91 year old rock, but a rock none the less. I hope that when I am her age I have her strength and will and character because if I've learned one thing from her it is this - take care of those you love and always be there for them.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you! And Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mother's in the world!