A few words about Winehouse...

I've been thinking a lot about Amy Winehouse since hearing of her death. I was somewhat of a fan of hers. Not a huge fan, mind you, but I did enjoy her music when it would play on my shuffle. She was talented. She went back and dug into the music she loved and made it current and relevant.

She was also an addict.

Though the toxicity report on her is still out, I'm sure there will be some link to her almost constant use of drugs. Whether she had them on board when she died or not, a little body such as hers cannot last too long under all that abuse.

I've heard so many disparaging remarks made about her since her death. Things like, "No big surprise" and "I'm surprised she lasted this long" to "what a freakin' mess she was". It's sad really. Sad because her death will now supercede her talent and she will always be known as the sad addict who couldn't control herself. I'm sure she was much more than that.

Addiction is a funny beast. To addicts, their drug of choice seems so fun and exciting until the day when they realize they cannot control it anymore. Then they begin living for the beast. They do it in spite of knowing they are killing themselves, hurting the ones they love and ruining their lives forever. Even those who manage to beat it cannot go back to truly make amends. The damage, physical, mental and emotional, is done. The best they can do is to live the rest of their lives trying to prove they've changed. And sometimes the acceptance they so need just never comes. That's why so many relapse. It takes courage to kick it and learn to love themselves. That courage is hard to find.

I work with addicts every day. Some are addicted to alcohol, some to cocaine, some to other harder drugs. Some are addicted to seeking approval. Some, to hurting themselves. Addictions come in many forms. But one thing I know for sure is this - all of these addicts are real people, with real hopes, and dreams and stories that you knock you on your ass. They've lived through some of the worst abuse you could ever imagine. They have felt unloved and unwanted their whole lives. Yet, they are funny, personable, talented, caring individuals. They just can't see that in themselves.

I'm sure Amy Winehouse had a story too. No one just starts out "normal" and becomes "an addict". There is a significant amount of "footwork" that happens when they are children or teen agers. There is a feeling of loss, of nothingness, of being less than everyone else. There is abuse, in some cases, and neglect, in others. Drugs, for that brief moment, take that away and fill that void and make people feel bigger than they are. That's how they get you. And once they have you, you are theres. Sometimes, unfortunately, right up til the end.