My birthday wish...

I had troubled sleep last night. My mind and heart were still racing from the horrible events of the day and I was still feeling this inner anger long after I laid my head on my pillow.  I woke up groggy and foggy and still feeling out of sorts. Today is my birthday.

I like to joke around with my friends at this time of year. Borrowing from the television commercials we see about the advancing holidays, I usually start mid-November and remind them there only 30 or so days left until my birthday. I know they think I'm serious but, truth is, I am not. Birthdays were always low key events in my family. Oh, we'd have cake and ice cream and there would be birthday cards and the required singing of all the verses of "Happy Birthday to You" and that would be it. I don't recall ever having a big birthday party with friends invited to come over. Our birthdays were family oriented quieter occasions. Today, Alex thought I was disappointed in the way he celebrated my birthday. I was not! Not in the least. We kept it low key, he gave me a great gift and we had Holiday coffee from Starbucks. It was enough for me and was very sweet and nice.

Even though we've celebrated and I felt loved and special it still seems strange to be celebrating at all. I can't stop thinking about the families of those children and teachers in Connecticut. They will never have another birthday. And I've seen a lot of stuff being written about all aspects of the tragedy and some of it strikes me as so much untimely and offensive propaganda that it makes me ill! I understand the yearning to want to understand why these things happen but I cannot tolerate the ignorance and hatred that events like this perpetuate on-line and in the media. When I see it the anger rises up within me once again. And so it has been - back and forth emotionally - with me all day. Wanting to relax and have a birthday celebration and feeling like celebrating anything right now is not appropriate. I know that Life goes on but Death also marches on and I'm tired of these dangerous times where we all seem so determined to help him do it. Hopefully, if we want it bad enough, maybe by the time my birthday rolls around next year, we will see some resolution to the madness that results in innocent people being senselessly killed. That is my birthday wish.