I had troubled sleep last night. My mind and heart were still racing from the horrible events of the day and I was still feeling this inner anger long after I laid my head on my pillow. I woke up groggy and foggy and still feeling out of sorts. Today is my birthday.
I like to joke around with my friends at this time of year. Borrowing from the television commercials we see about the advancing holidays, I usually start mid-November and remind them there only 30 or so days left until my birthday. I know they think I'm serious but, truth is, I am not. Birthdays were always low key events in my family. Oh, we'd have cake and ice cream and there would be birthday cards and the required singing of all the verses of "Happy Birthday to You" and that would be it. I don't recall ever having a big birthday party with friends invited to come over. Our birthdays were family oriented quieter occasions. Today, Alex thought I was disappointed in the way he celebrated my birthday. I was not! Not in the least. We kept it low key, he gave me a great gift and we had Holiday coffee from Starbucks. It was enough for me and was very sweet and nice.
Even though we've celebrated and I felt loved and special it still seems strange to be celebrating at all. I can't stop thinking about the families of those children and teachers in Connecticut. They will never have another birthday. And I've seen a lot of stuff being written about all aspects of the tragedy and some of it strikes me as so much untimely and offensive propaganda that it makes me ill! I understand the yearning to want to understand why these things happen but I cannot tolerate the ignorance and hatred that events like this perpetuate on-line and in the media. When I see it the anger rises up within me once again. And so it has been - back and forth emotionally - with me all day. Wanting to relax and have a birthday celebration and feeling like celebrating anything right now is not appropriate. I know that Life goes on but Death also marches on and I'm tired of these dangerous times where we all seem so determined to help him do it. Hopefully, if we want it bad enough, maybe by the time my birthday rolls around next year, we will see some resolution to the madness that results in innocent people being senselessly killed. That is my birthday wish.
Showing posts with label love is all you need. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love is all you need. Show all posts
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
The Innocents...
I'm stunned, sitting here tonight, in the wake of yet another gun related mass shooting in the US. Oh, and I'm tired too. I cannot feel the shock that the news media wants us to feel about this shooting. I can't tell you how sad that makes me feel. The idea that we have had so many of these horrific incidents that I can no longer feel the mind numbing shock when it happens.
While my heart aches thinking of those families who cannot and never will again tuck their children into bed on this night, what I feel most of all, is anger. An intense, deep, burning anger.
Yes, I am angry at the young disillusioned man who killed his father and then went to the school where his mother worked to kill her and her kindergarten class. I am so angry at his actions. We can look at his actions and those of others who've gone on shooting rampages and soothe ourselves by saying, "Surely, he was mentally ill." One in four people in the US have a mental health diagnosis. So, look around kiddos...that might be the person standing next to you. Now I work with people who have severe and persistent mental illness and, to be honest, none of them illicit fear in me. Not a one. So while the shooter or shooters in these cases may have a mental health diagnosis, let's be real here...that unto itself is not the reason those innocent children or those movie goers or those high school kids or those shoppers at the mall or those worshippers at the temple are dead now. I would bet good money that the reason those people are dead now is that at some point those who pulled the trigger all were made to feel insignificant, isolated, ridiculed, strange, and unloved.
I am angry tonight at this grand country of ours. The USA - the land of opportunity for so many - has, over the course of several years now, become a land of fear. We fear getting our "stuff" stolen. We fear someone "attacking" us, breaking in, blowing us up, harming us or our loved ones. And we fear this because we are fed an almost constant stream of news about how horrible it is outside our own four walls and how there are very, very bad people out there who will absolutely hurt us. Neighbors do not even bother to get to know neighbors anymore because, after all, you can never be sure who that neighbor might be. We have been told to identify the strangers and to not tolerate them in any way. Our children learn this from us and so, from a young age, those who are not popular, not "in" or who are different in any way are made to feel that difference in no uncertain terms. We like to point them out and keep them at bay just in case they might really be who we think they are. Never mind we never actually take the time to hear their stories or understand what they are all about. How did we allow ourselves to become so marginalized that we now live in a self imposed environment of fear and hared that has stopped us from even looking one another in the eye! And this phenomenon goes beyond our neighborhoods! It's stretches to our complete lack of global understanding. It is easier to hate what's different than to try to understand it.
I'm also really angry that we live in a country that allows anyone to own and carry a gun. The NRA and gun lobbyists will tell us that if guns are regulated in stricter ways the criminals win. BULLSHIT! I'm so sick of their argument that this is a 2nd amendment right. The second amendment - the right to bear arms - was a statement for the creation of a militia in a volatile time when a tyrannical king was seeking to subdue a budding nation. It was not a call for every chucklehead to arm himself and to use those arms whenever he has a bad day. I'm angry that our government allows the NRA to walk all over the rights of innocent, gunless people who simply want to be able to send their 5 year old to school without worrying that this is the day he or she will get his brains blown out. My niece today called her 6 year old daughter's school to inquire about their security and evacuation procedures. You have no idea how sad that makes me. That she had to even ask.
Shame on us for letting this happen. And shame on us for being so scared of one another that we feel the need to kill each other. Shame on us for losing our ability to reach out and embrace each other across the boundaries of race, religion, socio-economic class, gender, sexuality, and ethnicity. We are all each other's parents. We are all each other's children. We are all family. We have to stop fearing each other and start healing each other. Maybe if someone had reached out a long time ago there would never have been a shooting in Norcross, GA. or Jackson, TN. or Chardon, OH. or Pittsburgh, PA. or North Miami, FL. or Oakland, CA. or Tulsa, OK. or Seattle, WA. or Wilmington, DE. or Boulder, CO. or Milwaukee, WI. or Minneapolis, MN. or Brookfield, WI. or Portland, OR. or Newton, CT. Maybe tonight parents wouldn't be mourning their children and the world wouldn't be wondering why we cannot get together to realize that love is all you need.
While my heart aches thinking of those families who cannot and never will again tuck their children into bed on this night, what I feel most of all, is anger. An intense, deep, burning anger.
Yes, I am angry at the young disillusioned man who killed his father and then went to the school where his mother worked to kill her and her kindergarten class. I am so angry at his actions. We can look at his actions and those of others who've gone on shooting rampages and soothe ourselves by saying, "Surely, he was mentally ill." One in four people in the US have a mental health diagnosis. So, look around kiddos...that might be the person standing next to you. Now I work with people who have severe and persistent mental illness and, to be honest, none of them illicit fear in me. Not a one. So while the shooter or shooters in these cases may have a mental health diagnosis, let's be real here...that unto itself is not the reason those innocent children or those movie goers or those high school kids or those shoppers at the mall or those worshippers at the temple are dead now. I would bet good money that the reason those people are dead now is that at some point those who pulled the trigger all were made to feel insignificant, isolated, ridiculed, strange, and unloved.
I am angry tonight at this grand country of ours. The USA - the land of opportunity for so many - has, over the course of several years now, become a land of fear. We fear getting our "stuff" stolen. We fear someone "attacking" us, breaking in, blowing us up, harming us or our loved ones. And we fear this because we are fed an almost constant stream of news about how horrible it is outside our own four walls and how there are very, very bad people out there who will absolutely hurt us. Neighbors do not even bother to get to know neighbors anymore because, after all, you can never be sure who that neighbor might be. We have been told to identify the strangers and to not tolerate them in any way. Our children learn this from us and so, from a young age, those who are not popular, not "in" or who are different in any way are made to feel that difference in no uncertain terms. We like to point them out and keep them at bay just in case they might really be who we think they are. Never mind we never actually take the time to hear their stories or understand what they are all about. How did we allow ourselves to become so marginalized that we now live in a self imposed environment of fear and hared that has stopped us from even looking one another in the eye! And this phenomenon goes beyond our neighborhoods! It's stretches to our complete lack of global understanding. It is easier to hate what's different than to try to understand it.
I'm also really angry that we live in a country that allows anyone to own and carry a gun. The NRA and gun lobbyists will tell us that if guns are regulated in stricter ways the criminals win. BULLSHIT! I'm so sick of their argument that this is a 2nd amendment right. The second amendment - the right to bear arms - was a statement for the creation of a militia in a volatile time when a tyrannical king was seeking to subdue a budding nation. It was not a call for every chucklehead to arm himself and to use those arms whenever he has a bad day. I'm angry that our government allows the NRA to walk all over the rights of innocent, gunless people who simply want to be able to send their 5 year old to school without worrying that this is the day he or she will get his brains blown out. My niece today called her 6 year old daughter's school to inquire about their security and evacuation procedures. You have no idea how sad that makes me. That she had to even ask.
Shame on us for letting this happen. And shame on us for being so scared of one another that we feel the need to kill each other. Shame on us for losing our ability to reach out and embrace each other across the boundaries of race, religion, socio-economic class, gender, sexuality, and ethnicity. We are all each other's parents. We are all each other's children. We are all family. We have to stop fearing each other and start healing each other. Maybe if someone had reached out a long time ago there would never have been a shooting in Norcross, GA. or Jackson, TN. or Chardon, OH. or Pittsburgh, PA. or North Miami, FL. or Oakland, CA. or Tulsa, OK. or Seattle, WA. or Wilmington, DE. or Boulder, CO. or Milwaukee, WI. or Minneapolis, MN. or Brookfield, WI. or Portland, OR. or Newton, CT. Maybe tonight parents wouldn't be mourning their children and the world wouldn't be wondering why we cannot get together to realize that love is all you need.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Gettng back to what's important...
Not that my job isn't important. I mean I do appreciate that it pays the bills but I know that for the past several weeks it has been consuming me. We're still in audit mode at work and for the next two weeks stress level with be at Defcon 4 but I realize that part of the art of leveling that off is to not take for granted what really matters. What really mattes are almost always not job related things.
Last night, I was at dinner at my sister Patsy's house. Virtually all of my siblings have had some health crisis or other going on in the last few months. Lately, all of their conversations are about what medications their taking and in what doses and what they are all for and their latest visit to the docs and what they said. Since I'm healthy and can't really contribute to that line of talk I just sat back, observed and listened. I was watching this whole thing - how animated they became when talking, seeing their body language - and realized this was just another form of something we all have done all our lives. It was "one upsmanship". Haha! My brother would say something like "I have to take Coumidin three times each day until my next set of tests" and one of my sister's would say "Well, I have to take it four times a day for the rest of my life" and another one would chime in with "Well, I have to take that PLUS blood pressure meds". It was so comical I started to laugh. My mother, who is 90 years old and on some meds of her own, just sat there quietly eating her dinner and then after a time finally said "Will you all shut up? When you get old this is what you get. Get over it!" I almost did a spit take with my linguine!
I realized though as I was watching and listening to all of them how much I love them all. They are truly 5 unique personalities. Verda aka Kelly, the oldest, is crotchety and grumpy and puts on airs but she is also fun and surprises me sometimes with her spontaneity. Bryant aka Butch is a character. He is super shy but once you know him he will crack you up! He was a world of unusual characters living in his head and he lets them out once in a while and practically makes me pee my pants laughing. Kathleen aka Kathy, third oldest, just had surgery to repair her heart, showed up to dinner in her pajama's and slippers, proudly showed off her huge scar and staples. She talks to herself all the time - keeping a running commentary under everything else that's going on. But she's also a dedicated and highly competent nurse. She will let you know that by sparkling her sentences with medical terms! Therese aka Terry, is the former bad girl who now has the heart of an angel. She'll give you the shirt off her back and always be there to listen when you need to talk. Her quirk is that since she's a hair stylist she often gets her "facts" on some current event from a "friend of one of the ladies" who's hair she does on a weekly basis. And she'll argue those facts to the death! Patrice aka Patsy, is seven years older than me. We had a rocky start to our relationship. She was the baby of the family for seven years and then, well, cute little me came along and rocked her world! Haha! Patsy has dedicated her life to being Kenosha's version of Martha Stewart. Her home is meticulous. Her food, although sometimes strange, comes right out of the pages of Gourmet Today. She is the embodiment of the word conservative but get a couple of glasses of wine in her and she is a hoot!
These are some of the people that are important to me. My family. And then there's my personal family that stretches beyond what I was given at birth.
There's Alexander aka Alex, who's thoughtful, caring, funny, smart, analytical, talented, loving, sexy and always there for me. I love him. Period. He's the most important person in my family.
There's Jessica aka Jessy, Alex's sister and all of her family. They have accepted me wholeheartedly and always make me feel welcomed.
There's Jan aka Alex's father and his mother Gunilla, and Cici, Jesper, Sarah, Jonas and all of his other siblings. Some of them I haven't met yet (Klas)but the ones I have have also accepted me. I can't wait to get to know them better.
These people, this time, this is what is important. This is what I hold dear and always will. I'm going to a wedding today and, honestly, yesterday I was thinking of ways to get out of it. But today, I'm going. I'm going to celebrate, let loose and have fun. Because at the end of day, that is what's important. I can't let myself forget that!
Last night, I was at dinner at my sister Patsy's house. Virtually all of my siblings have had some health crisis or other going on in the last few months. Lately, all of their conversations are about what medications their taking and in what doses and what they are all for and their latest visit to the docs and what they said. Since I'm healthy and can't really contribute to that line of talk I just sat back, observed and listened. I was watching this whole thing - how animated they became when talking, seeing their body language - and realized this was just another form of something we all have done all our lives. It was "one upsmanship". Haha! My brother would say something like "I have to take Coumidin three times each day until my next set of tests" and one of my sister's would say "Well, I have to take it four times a day for the rest of my life" and another one would chime in with "Well, I have to take that PLUS blood pressure meds". It was so comical I started to laugh. My mother, who is 90 years old and on some meds of her own, just sat there quietly eating her dinner and then after a time finally said "Will you all shut up? When you get old this is what you get. Get over it!" I almost did a spit take with my linguine!
I realized though as I was watching and listening to all of them how much I love them all. They are truly 5 unique personalities. Verda aka Kelly, the oldest, is crotchety and grumpy and puts on airs but she is also fun and surprises me sometimes with her spontaneity. Bryant aka Butch is a character. He is super shy but once you know him he will crack you up! He was a world of unusual characters living in his head and he lets them out once in a while and practically makes me pee my pants laughing. Kathleen aka Kathy, third oldest, just had surgery to repair her heart, showed up to dinner in her pajama's and slippers, proudly showed off her huge scar and staples. She talks to herself all the time - keeping a running commentary under everything else that's going on. But she's also a dedicated and highly competent nurse. She will let you know that by sparkling her sentences with medical terms! Therese aka Terry, is the former bad girl who now has the heart of an angel. She'll give you the shirt off her back and always be there to listen when you need to talk. Her quirk is that since she's a hair stylist she often gets her "facts" on some current event from a "friend of one of the ladies" who's hair she does on a weekly basis. And she'll argue those facts to the death! Patrice aka Patsy, is seven years older than me. We had a rocky start to our relationship. She was the baby of the family for seven years and then, well, cute little me came along and rocked her world! Haha! Patsy has dedicated her life to being Kenosha's version of Martha Stewart. Her home is meticulous. Her food, although sometimes strange, comes right out of the pages of Gourmet Today. She is the embodiment of the word conservative but get a couple of glasses of wine in her and she is a hoot!
These are some of the people that are important to me. My family. And then there's my personal family that stretches beyond what I was given at birth.
There's Alexander aka Alex, who's thoughtful, caring, funny, smart, analytical, talented, loving, sexy and always there for me. I love him. Period. He's the most important person in my family.
There's Jessica aka Jessy, Alex's sister and all of her family. They have accepted me wholeheartedly and always make me feel welcomed.
There's Jan aka Alex's father and his mother Gunilla, and Cici, Jesper, Sarah, Jonas and all of his other siblings. Some of them I haven't met yet (Klas)but the ones I have have also accepted me. I can't wait to get to know them better.
These people, this time, this is what is important. This is what I hold dear and always will. I'm going to a wedding today and, honestly, yesterday I was thinking of ways to get out of it. But today, I'm going. I'm going to celebrate, let loose and have fun. Because at the end of day, that is what's important. I can't let myself forget that!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)