Life...or something like it...

I don't remember what I thought my life would be like back when I was a kid. I know I had a lot of big dreams and all of them were probably unrealistically focused on being famous for something or other. I'm sure that was my way of just wanting to be somehow different and special. As I grew up, those feelings changed. I think because I started to realized I was pretty okay the way I was.

These days, I feel a lot of need for change. I had a strange, brief brush with my own mortality at the end of last year and I'm watching my sister fighting the battle of her lifetime right now. As I see this and as I ponder what I went through, I start to feel restless. Like there is something more to life than this 9 to 5 or, in my case, 7 to 4 existence. I feel a little removed from my passion.

Then again, what is my passion? Now that's a good question...

I love the people I serve in my job. I work with services for people who are diagnosed with severe and persistent mental illness. They are, by far, some of the most interesting, courageous people I have ever met. And there is so much we, as a society, should learn from them and do for them. So, I guess that part of my job is one of my passions. But I am also far removed from them too because I am in an office all the time being an administrator. I don't doubt that what I do has some importance but it is not as close to the people as it once was when I was case managing.

I also love animals. I would love to run an animal rescue and take care of those animals that others have discarded. I believe strongly that we are the caretakers of this planet and the animals are where we need to be most conscientious. I have no doubt that in another life I was probably a "crazy cat lady"! Ha! But I can't do that and continue to work my job to pay my bills so there's the catch.

I love to sketch, draw, and paint. I draw all the time. I sketch nightly, filling up paper with ink and pencil drawings of whimsical doodlings from my brain that quickly come and fill up the blanks. My favorite is black and white drawing but I also love to dabble in colors and I can do it for hours on end, losing myself in the time and mystery of it all. So that is definitely a passion.

How does someone follow their passion? How does one make a passion a life's goal? When does it become the seed that grows into something bigger and takes off becoming the integral part of life itself? I feel like I need to find out soon because continuing to do the same thing day after day is becoming mind numbing and soul sucking. So, yes...soon....I hope....