Enough is enough is enough...

Lately, I have been taking stock of my life. While there are many areas that I know need change, I am also struck with the thought that it's not all that bad. I was watching a TV special that talked about "gross national happiness". Sure, it sounds like some psychobabbly jargon but there are some countries where it is a reality that if one person is not happy than no one can be happy. People make it their goal to have harmony and make sure that their neighbors also have it. Governments encourage, and in some places, study and report on how much play is needed in one's life to ensure the "gross national happiness" is high. I was impressed with this concept and it got me thinking.

Here in the US, just in my lifetime, things have changed so much that it is regrettably noticeable. When I was growing up, we kids played all over the neighborhood. Everyone's parents knew us and had equal opportunity disciplinarian rights because my own parents knew them. Not only knew them but probably had lunch with them at least twice a month or had a barbecue or talked over the fence or shared a cup of coffee. Everyone knew everyone. It really was safe to hang out outside until the street lights came one. People shared what they had. If one person had a garden we ALL got zuchini, peppers, tomatoes and whatever else they grew. If someone else lost a job and was struggling there was always enough in our grocery budget to make sure there was a bag of groceries to be dropped off at their home so they wouldn't go without. It was like that then.

Now, I know only two of my neighbors and I'm related to one of them! Across the street from my house I see people come and go but I have no idea who they are or what they do. If I say hello or good morning they don't respond. They rush off to their cars and they're on their way. People are suspiscious these days and, I think, that makes us less happy. Overall in the US I think there is a feeling of underlying fear that keeps us at a distance. I'm not sure that feeling is rooted in anything remotely real though and that's the sad part. I believe the media has sensationalized those times when someone has done something horrible to someone else and villainized/monsterfied the idea that "bad guys" are everywhere. We have slowly taken it inside us, subtly, and it has affected our lives and our ability to be happy. We can't have a "gross national happiness" when we don't seek to know each other because we are afarid. And because we are afraid, we hold onto what we have so that no one can take it from us rather than understand that what we have is best used when we share it. We live in a place that believes "I got mine!" is all that will make us happy. And we are wrong.

In Sweden, there is a word - "lagom". No one has been able to really define this word for me since there isn't an English counterpart to help me understand. From what I get, lagom means "there is enough" or "it is enough" but it doesn't really refer to things in particular. It is more like this - if we have meatballs, two meatballs is the same as ten meatballs because two will allow us to savor and enjoy the meatballs and ten would be overkill. Okay, that's a very bad example! Haha! Let me try this - if I need a table, four legs and a solid plank is just as good as something hand carved and garishly decorated because it still serves the purpose for which it was intended. Ugh! It's terribly hard to explain! Mostly, it is a way of accepting what we have and acknowledging that it is good and plenty and doesn't have to be more than the next guy. It's the idea that self satisfaction doesn't come at the expense of the other guy but rather is the result of knowing that what you have isn't worth anything unless the "other guy" also has some satisfaction.

When I read the blogs of those internet friends who live in other parts of the world I am fascinated by the photos of the happy faces of people living in ways that, by US standards, would be considered substandard. They exist in their worlds reaching out to one another, making sure all are well and have enough. Yes, there is unrest in those parts of the world too but, overwhelmingly, the people themselves take care of each other.

The whole point of my long diatribe (and thank you if you've read this far...you are very patient) is that I am coming to the understanding in my own life that, though there are things I want and need to change, and though there are goals and dreams I have yet to fulfill, I have enough. I have enough and there is still some left over that I can share with others. As I drove to work today along the shorline of a clear as glass Lake Michigan, the sun just rising, the warm breeze blowing, I realized - I am happy. And I wish that for everyone.

Love, life, loss...

It occurred to me today that sometimes, even when you have not met a person in real life, lives can be intertwined. Yesterday, I sat down to my computer to peruse some blog entries and the first one I read just stopped me in my tracks. Turns out that Van - someone I have never met but someone I hold in high regard - had a recent tragic loss in his life. On a personal note this struck me suddenly and left me wondering what to say to someone I don't really know but someone I know enough to feel the need to say something. I know Van through his music, his humor, and the snippets of his life he gifts us with through his blog. I know enough to know that, on a human level, the unexpected loss of his father has deeply touched him. And, having lost my own father long ago, I know what that loss feels like.

I do think it is possible to feel that we know one another from what we share via the Internet. In some cases, depending on the depth of what we share, it is possible to feel we know each other very well. I know that it is possible for me to be affected by what my Internet buddies go through because I have been keeping Van and his family close in my thoughts since finding out about his loss. Maybe it's just that loss is such a universal feeling. We all have felt it one way or another so we automatically know the impact it has on our lives. Maybe it's just a part of the human experience we share that draws us, at least in empathy, to those we don't really even know.


Hang in there, buddy.