Procrastinating...with a purpose....

I've been putting off writing in my blog. I've been trying to write something about my new job but after one week I really don't have much to say. Let's just say, I'm not thrilled with it. I guess I'm grateful to have a job but what the heck does that really mean? We should all just bear down and tough it out and be miserable yet somehow grateful? Weird.

I feel at a loss to know what the heck happened in my life here. I mean, for the past 16 years, I've been doing exactly what I loved and am really good at and then one day that all got taken away from me and now I'm being told, by my employer, that because of that 16 years I am valuable and they need my input but no one has yet to ask for that input and the one time I just offered some input I was told I was being resistive. Sheesh...

I worked myself up into such a stressbot this week I actually got sick and couldn't go into work on Friday. I think I'll start looking around again. I just don't know if I can stick with this. I've never felt less enthusiastic about anything in my life...including root canal.

Big doings at work...

The unrest at work seems to go in cycles and currently we're in a spin. Today I had two workers suspended for one day for doing something completely stupid and getting caught doing it. I can't go into details but I'll just file that under "what were they thinking". Then there are a couple of others who have worked themselves into a tizzy because it's nearing the end of the month and they have let things slide until now and they're desperate to get it all done and so... sigh... we are all made to hear about it.

Yet, what I know about the people I supervise, is that each and every one of them has special qualities that I truly appreciate. When I tell them they look at me suspiciously and make a sarcastic remark or two but it's true! The group I work with each bring something unique to the job even though we are all doing the same job.

I wish I could think of a way to get them to see that and to appreciate that for what it is!

The epiphany...

So I was completely down for the count having beaten myself to bits over what's been going on at work. I kept getting the feeling that I was the dumb kid in class by the way I was always having to answer for the ineptitude of some of my workers. On Friday, I sat with the Area Director and was actually quizzed (yes, QUIZZED) on the program I supervise and guess what!? I DO know my stuff. It occurred to me then that this issue of feeling like the dunce was not my issue at all. I have given them the tools they need, I have trained them to use the tools, I have even created innovative short cuts to make their work loads easier. Some of them STILL can't cut it and my epiphany is this - the problem lies with THEM, not ME! Time to take a realistic look at what's happening here and make them understand that the responsibility for the quality of their work is theirs and theirs alone. I can help them, I can teach them, I can support them but I cannot hold their hands forever and I'll be damned if I'm going to take the fall for what they lack.

Somehow, as mercenary as that all sounds, I feel so much better about my job today. Things are looking up!