Swimming upstream...

These days, at work, there is a silent tension in the office. It's not something I'm totally unfamiliar with. It's the eerie quiet before all hell breaks loose. It happens when people are feeling too stressed, too low, too under appreciated. When there is so much coming at us from all sides I think there are two ways we react. We either stand firm and support one another or we sink into the depths of suspicion start to implode. That's what happening here.

This past week I have witnessed more juvenile, unnecessary behavior on the part of some of my staff than I have ever seen in the past 15 years of doing this job. I have seen grown women who should know better play hurtful, mean spirited pranks on another. I've seen the target of those pranks march into the trenches of full bore defensive tactics. And I've seen innocent bystanders either be accused by association or be caught in the web of gossip. It's been a very rough week!

I have come close to the point of standing in the middle of the office and screaming at them. That's how frustrated I've become. If I can't get this, and them, under some kind of control, I will end up firing some of them. Maybe that's the solution - make an example out of one or two of them and the others might get the point!

Bad week...big weekend...

I had to let someone go at work this week. It's the worst part of my job. I like the people I work with and this one was no exception. But some people are able to take on this job and get it and some aren't and, in the end, she was not able to meet the required work load with out a ton of additional man hours and support. So, I had to let her go.

Today, I thought I'd do something fun at our team meeting for a change. My assistant supervisor and I spent hours yesterday coming up with funny, lighthearted awards for everyone. I brought home made chocolates and we had cake and everyone seemed to really appreciate the chance to blow off a little steam and have a laugh. Well, almost everyone. Apparently, one person took offense and got mad and complained. So much for trying to lift their spirits.

Of course, when someone gets let go the details of that are not shared with the rest of them. And, of course, this leads to a lot of speculation and whatnot. Apparently I have two people who believe that I somehow coerced this person into leaving by pairing her with someone she didn't like and didn't want to work with and that made it impossible for her to get her work done. WHAT???? Seriously???? Ya gotta love the conspiracy theorists.

Finally, I had to leave work early. I have had this little bump on my neck for most of my life but for some reason this week it literally grew to three times it's normal size, started hurting like a son of a bitch, got bright red and was hot to the touch. I made an appointment for a surgeon for Monday but it was getting worse all day so I ended up having to get it looked at today. The doc cut it and pushed on it and.. well, suffice to say, it was gross. And it hurt! I will have to have it taken out - probably next week.

SO yeah... this week... blech. BUT... tomorrow we're closed and I have Monday off so FOUR DAY WEEKEND here I come!!

MIA...

I haven't written in here since last week. Truth is, I haven't felt like it. My brain is MIA. Last Wednesday, I got the proverbial beat down at work which has left me thinking I need to rethink this whole job. I am angry and, though I don't want to do anything rash, I am still angry and get angrier each day.

Everyday I have to force myself to go to work. This from someone who just a few months ago would have told you she loves her job. I have seen the "human" aspect of human services get sucked right out of the system and there's nothing I can do about it. So, each day, I am "this much closer" to taking a walk. I don't feel supported in my work on any level. In fact, on many levels I feel betrayed and made to feel like I am the dumb kid in class. I know that's not true. I am incredibly strong, smart and, normally, enthusiastic but there is only so much crap one person can take and I am or rather may have already reached my crap limit.

The system is broken. I am held accountable for the broken system. I didn't break it in the first place yet, surprisingly, it seems it is easier to create a scapegoat (me) than to realistically look at the breaks. So it goes.

I am becoming cynical and sarcastic and uncaring and none of that makes for a good social worker.