Jonesing for a vacay...

This week...ugh...what can I say about this week? It started with me not feeling well and is ending with me being pressed by an enormous amount of work related stress. Yesterday, I thought my head was going to explode.

I realize that, in life, we cannot control what happens 24/7. What we can control is our reaction to it. Yesterday, I swear, the planets seemed to have aligned against me but I held it together and managed to get through the day without actually acting on my homicidal thoughts. I was brain dead by the end of it but...hopeful that today would be better.

What's fueling these feelings of overwhelming fright or flight (which I have thus far been successful in keeping at bay) is the fact that I am jonesing for a vacation in a major way. I want to get on a plane, take off for at least three weeks, and fly to sunny Karlstad to see my father in law and hang out in the beautiful Swedish landscape. I want it bad and I want it now.

Now, I know that this will happen and, probably, within the next few months but right at this moment those few months seem like eons. I am impatient and hate waiting. I also hate having to deal with all this day to day idiocy and, trust me, yesterday idiocy was running rampant here.

I want my vacay. I want it now. I want my time off, with pay, on a plane, in Sweden, in the sun, and happiness and joy, joy, joy. And I don't want to be here right now!!

Odd things overheard at work today...

I won't go into detail about who said these things, why they said them, or if they were serious when they said them but I do hear some of the oddest things at my workplace. Here are some, in no particular order.

1. "Can you bring me some ointment. My butt is really sore."
2. "They kicked me out. I had a sex change operation."
3. "Got a pencil? No, I mean one with black ink."
4. "I was typing "Wisconsin" and it came out "Uscubscun".
5. "I was sitting here thinking and I forgot what I was doing before that."
6. "He was talking to the cat in a way that made them suspicious."
7. "They said there was pizza. Oh, there is pizza. I was hoping they were right."
8. "Why can't we get the other Mountain Dew in the vending machines?"
9. "I put my money in and the chips won't come out." "What did you put in?" "Money." No, I mean, now much did you put in." "Enough for the chips." "How much??" "Stop asking me!! I put in enough!!! I PUT IN 50 CENTS AND THE DAMN MACHINE ATE IT!! IT WON'T GIVE ME MY CHIPS!!! I'M SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!!" "Um....chips cost 55 cents." "....oh."
10. "Can you come out to the parking lot? I'm stuck in my car."
11. "I think something is settled at the bottom of my soup."
12. "Whew...well, the lentils kicked in!"
13. "Have you seen the people with the monkey babies?"
14. "I think this job is trying to kill us."
15. "Who made this coffee? It sucks. It's cowboy coffee."
16. "Why are there 5 squad cars outside? Oh never mind, school let out."
17. "The "dumper" struck again."
18. "The statute of limitations on cheating on your tests in junior high runs out in the 10th grade. After that they can't come after you. If you cheat in high school though that shit follows you for a life time."
19. "I have a nipple...I MEAN A PIMPLE!! A PIMPLE!!"
20. "Is this a personal conversation? Am I butting in?" "No, it's about work." "Oh, never mind then, I was hoping to get some personal crap on you."


All in one day...I love where I work!!

Yes, I did say that, and I am deeply sorry for my cliche...

Today at work, I was heard saying "Well, we are on a forward path and those that do not accept that will fall off that path. Though I'll be sorry if that happens, it will only make those of us moving forward, stronger, because we won't be dragging them along behind us."

Yes, I said that. I heard it when it came from my mouth. The person I said it to was very impressed. I was near laughter, inside. That is just the kind of corporate drivel I detest and, yet, there I was....saying that.

I should be ashamed of myself. Seriously.

Some days are better than others...

Some days at work are better than others. Sometimes I have a feeling of accomplishment, a feeling that I've made a difference in someone's life. Somedays I I feel smart and come up with some great solutions to some tough problems. Somedays I feel empowered and get the feeling that my bosses really see me as an asset to this agency.

And then...somedays...it's like this!

The week that was...

Okay, I know it's only Thursday but, so far, this week has been one of the stranger weeks I've experienced in 17 years on the job.

It started badly, with a co-worker/friend reporting that she was assaulted over the weekend. I've been doing some counseling/supporting/listening whenever she needs to just talk about what happened. I know from personal experience that it will take her a long time to start feeling like herself again.

It continued to go South when re got the report that one of our long time consumers was arrested for a very serious crime. This man is 67 years old and it's likely he'll be going to prison for the rest of his life. What's extraordinary about this is that in all the time we've worked with him we never, ever saw any behavior or had the slightest inkling he would even try doing something like what he has been charged with. Still, the evidence is there now and so he will spend his last days incarcerated.

Then, a aeries of just plain bizarre things happened. People were saying odd things, out of the blue, which kept throwing everyone off. Weird stuff like "You look surprisingly good today." Now that in itself isn't so weird except it makes you wonder how the person was looking the rest of the time! Or this one, when a co-worker called a consumer, asked for him by name, and, with the person she called answering the phone, being asked "Do you want to speak to the white one or the black one?" There is only one. And he's black. So we don't know why he even asked that!

Yesterday, someone who is usually very sweet and nice just snapped at a co-worker. Apparently she thought the co-worker said something about her. The co-worker wasn't even speaking to her at the time but was, rather, petting someones dog and talking to the dog. The sweet, nice person would take no explanation or apology but just told the co-worker to "GO HOME!"

Today, someone came in for his health assessment. One of the nurses met with him to do this only to find out after the fact that another nurse had done it a week ago. The strange thing about this was that the nurse who did the original assessment actually helped the other nurse get all the paperwork together BEFORE the consumer came in. She knew she had already done it and never said a word about it. Just plain weird.

I'm sure today and tomorrow will bring more strangeness to the table. After that I just don't care. I'm off work all next week and thinking about this place, this job and these people is not in my schedule!

Welcome springtime...

It's been a little while since I wrote anything in my blog. I apologize for the break but there has just been so much going on that I haven't had much time and usually what little time I do have is spent regrouping for the next round of whatever is to come. I don't mean to sound ominous because, honestly, it's all been good.

First, we got notice that the last round of immigration paperwork for Alexander was received. We had one set back. I needed to send a copy of my 2008 tax return and I sent the wrong one. Not to worry though, we got a notice that I had sent the wrong one and we had 87 days to get it in. (87 days...I have no idea how they chose that arbitrary number of days, but oh well...) I had it here at home so we got it in right away. Alexander has his biometrics appointment on Monday in Milwaukee. Basically, that means fingerprinting and other identification things. I'm taking Monday off to drive up there with him. We've been warned by my friend Jamey, who's been through this with her husband, Miguel, to dress loosely, wear no metal anything, and leave our cell phones OFF! Immigration Services does not mess around and we don't want to risk having to be strip searched! LOL So, all of that is rolling right along and it should be soon that Alex gets his Green Card and Social Security Number. Then he's legal! Haha, well, he's actually legal now but he'll be even legaller. LOL!

At work things have been crazy as all get out. It's still as chaotic as it ever was but there is some light at the end of this tunnel. I've orchestrated a way to get, at least, some of my old duties back which makes me happy. I've been feeling rather useless at work so this change will help my work esteem for sure. And I hope will help the program I'm working in too. I love my clients though, I have to admit. It's been really good getting back to actually having more client contact than my last job. With the new plan for me, I'll still get that but have more supervisory duties. I don't know, maybe I'm just a bossy broad but I know I am also a really good supervisor. And I love to do that as well.

So that's what I've been up to. I'm trying to keep up with emails from my beloved Fikagänget and family but sometimes I fall behind in that too. Hey, I'm only human!

More time of indecision...

These days all I have on my mind is my job or, rather, what job I might have in a month and a half. So here's what's been offered so far...

The agency is starting up a new program which is a case management program for people with severe and persistent mental illness. This is a target group I am well familiar with and a program I could supervise in my sleep. BUT...they have decided to go with someone else at the helm which both perplexes me and angers me. I was offered a made up position of middle management running a couple of small programs that pretty much have been running themselves without any management at all for the past several years. It was a poor attempt at giving me something to do. Could I do it? Sure...easily. Do I want to? NO! There is no challenge there and I would not be using my skills to their best ability. While I appreciate the gesture, it's a lame gesture.

What gets me most is that I have all of the qualifications for the other position and the experience to boot yet I am simply being overlooked without even a chance to argue my case for them allowing me to do it. And that pisses me off more than I can say. When I get angry, I cry. I've always done this and it makes me even more angry because crying seems weak and when I'm angry I don't feel weak, I feel enraged! I wish I could just let them have it but instead I well up with tears and sniffle. So lame!

I have been told by our administration that I have excellent written communication skills yet they haven't offered me anything where that might be used. They also told me that I was a strong supervisor and that they never would have taken on case management without my knowledge and gumption yet they haven't offered me anything in a case management field. Case management is what I know and love and what I want to do. I will not waste my time and talent "filling a space" that they just need filled if it is a space that will not keep me active and moving forward in my career.

So...the decision is, there is no decision. I put it all back on their table with a written proposal and listing of my qualifications. We'll see where it goes from here. We'll see....

Swimming upstream...

These days, at work, there is a silent tension in the office. It's not something I'm totally unfamiliar with. It's the eerie quiet before all hell breaks loose. It happens when people are feeling too stressed, too low, too under appreciated. When there is so much coming at us from all sides I think there are two ways we react. We either stand firm and support one another or we sink into the depths of suspicion start to implode. That's what happening here.

This past week I have witnessed more juvenile, unnecessary behavior on the part of some of my staff than I have ever seen in the past 15 years of doing this job. I have seen grown women who should know better play hurtful, mean spirited pranks on another. I've seen the target of those pranks march into the trenches of full bore defensive tactics. And I've seen innocent bystanders either be accused by association or be caught in the web of gossip. It's been a very rough week!

I have come close to the point of standing in the middle of the office and screaming at them. That's how frustrated I've become. If I can't get this, and them, under some kind of control, I will end up firing some of them. Maybe that's the solution - make an example out of one or two of them and the others might get the point!