I won't go into detail about who said these things, why they said them, or if they were serious when they said them but I do hear some of the oddest things at my workplace. Here are some, in no particular order.
1. "Can you bring me some ointment. My butt is really sore."
2. "They kicked me out. I had a sex change operation."
3. "Got a pencil? No, I mean one with black ink."
4. "I was typing "Wisconsin" and it came out "Uscubscun".
5. "I was sitting here thinking and I forgot what I was doing before that."
6. "He was talking to the cat in a way that made them suspicious."
7. "They said there was pizza. Oh, there is pizza. I was hoping they were right."
8. "Why can't we get the other Mountain Dew in the vending machines?"
9. "I put my money in and the chips won't come out." "What did you put in?" "Money." No, I mean, now much did you put in." "Enough for the chips." "How much??" "Stop asking me!! I put in enough!!! I PUT IN 50 CENTS AND THE DAMN MACHINE ATE IT!! IT WON'T GIVE ME MY CHIPS!!! I'M SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!!" "Um....chips cost 55 cents." "....oh."
10. "Can you come out to the parking lot? I'm stuck in my car."
11. "I think something is settled at the bottom of my soup."
12. "Whew...well, the lentils kicked in!"
13. "Have you seen the people with the monkey babies?"
14. "I think this job is trying to kill us."
15. "Who made this coffee? It sucks. It's cowboy coffee."
16. "Why are there 5 squad cars outside? Oh never mind, school let out."
17. "The "dumper" struck again."
18. "The statute of limitations on cheating on your tests in junior high runs out in the 10th grade. After that they can't come after you. If you cheat in high school though that shit follows you for a life time."
19. "I have a nipple...I MEAN A PIMPLE!! A PIMPLE!!"
20. "Is this a personal conversation? Am I butting in?" "No, it's about work." "Oh, never mind then, I was hoping to get some personal crap on you."
All in one day...I love where I work!!
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