Odd things overheard at work today...

I won't go into detail about who said these things, why they said them, or if they were serious when they said them but I do hear some of the oddest things at my workplace. Here are some, in no particular order.

1. "Can you bring me some ointment. My butt is really sore."
2. "They kicked me out. I had a sex change operation."
3. "Got a pencil? No, I mean one with black ink."
4. "I was typing "Wisconsin" and it came out "Uscubscun".
5. "I was sitting here thinking and I forgot what I was doing before that."
6. "He was talking to the cat in a way that made them suspicious."
7. "They said there was pizza. Oh, there is pizza. I was hoping they were right."
8. "Why can't we get the other Mountain Dew in the vending machines?"
9. "I put my money in and the chips won't come out." "What did you put in?" "Money." No, I mean, now much did you put in." "Enough for the chips." "How much??" "Stop asking me!! I put in enough!!! I PUT IN 50 CENTS AND THE DAMN MACHINE ATE IT!! IT WON'T GIVE ME MY CHIPS!!! I'M SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!!" "Um....chips cost 55 cents." "....oh."
10. "Can you come out to the parking lot? I'm stuck in my car."
11. "I think something is settled at the bottom of my soup."
12. "Whew...well, the lentils kicked in!"
13. "Have you seen the people with the monkey babies?"
14. "I think this job is trying to kill us."
15. "Who made this coffee? It sucks. It's cowboy coffee."
16. "Why are there 5 squad cars outside? Oh never mind, school let out."
17. "The "dumper" struck again."
18. "The statute of limitations on cheating on your tests in junior high runs out in the 10th grade. After that they can't come after you. If you cheat in high school though that shit follows you for a life time."
19. "I have a nipple...I MEAN A PIMPLE!! A PIMPLE!!"
20. "Is this a personal conversation? Am I butting in?" "No, it's about work." "Oh, never mind then, I was hoping to get some personal crap on you."


All in one day...I love where I work!!

Interesting ways Farmville has taken over my life, Part 1

I was walking into the ladies room at work the other day. You know, to do the kind of stuff ladies do in the ladies room. Coming out of one of the stalls was a co-worker. We said, "Hello." And I entered one of the stalls as she went to the sink to wash her hands.

Now, let me explain, I have what is commonly known as a "shy bladder". This means that I find it very difficult to do "the kind of stuff ladies do in the ladies room" if there is someone else in the ladies room with me. And, I find it virtually impossible to do those things if that person, god forbid, engages me in conversation while I'm on the throne!! Which, much to my chagrin, is exactly what my co-worker did. As I was hopelessly trapped "mid-stream", she made small talk about work whilst washing her hands. Being polite, I answered her questions in a light hearted manner, all the time wishing she would hurry the hell up and get out of there.

Soon, she was finished and I heard the familiar "thwap" of the paper towel machine and her foot steps leading to the door. Then, there was an awkward silence. One in which I wasn't really sure if she had left or was creepily remaining silent so that I would THINK she had left. Either way, my bladder was in "idle" mode and it wasn't going to do anything until it was sure. Then I heard her voice say, "................well, good bye." And the door closed behind her.

For a moment, I thought, "Wow, that was strange." Well, actually I thought, "Well, that was...." and the door reopened again. That same co-worker stuck her head in the doorway and said, "One of these days you have to show me how to do that Farming stuff on Facebook so I can help you out." (A non-sequitor if ever I heard one!)

"Okay", I said.

And with that, she was FINALLY gone.

And THAT is one interesting way Farmville has taken over my life.