Colonoscopy. There, I've said it. It's an ugly word but a necessary thing and at some point in all of our lives we must go through one. Today is my day.
Let me back up. So, I've been having various and sundry health issues for the past few months. My doc, covering all the bases and not one to shrink away from any possible treatment, has set me up with a barrage of tests. I have a sleep study coming up, a pap smear, a mammogram, a nutritionist teaching session, and more blood tests. This past week I had a consult for a colonoscopy.
The doctor I was referred to came highly recommended from many other people so I felt fairly confident this was going to be good. I arrived a little early for my appointment but they got me right in which is always a good sign. I hate waiting for doctors who over book their days. I was shown to a tiny exam room and asked to wait on the exam table. Now, being a person of some size, I can tell you those table are not safe unless you are 5'3" and weigh 98 lbs. So I was teetering on the table and waiting and looking around. Right next to my head, on the wall, was a life sized photographic poster of a diseased digestive system. It was horrendous! This thing had pustules and festering blisters and polyps and ew....it was gross. They could have put it someone else and not quite as close as it was.
Finally the doc came in. Now, you know those animals in nature that spend all of their time digging under ground so they never really get proper eyesight? This is what the doc looks like. He has a bad perm in his hair, thick glasses and tiny little eyes with which he never make eye contact. When he shakes my hand he more or less just places his cold, clammy hand in mind and leaves the shaking part to me. It was not a good first impression. He asked me some mundane questions about my bowel movements and then he sent me off to his nurse who sent me home with a gallon jug of GoLytely and a prescription for some pills I had to take.
On Saturday, I took the first pill and had to drink one bottle of Magnesium Citrate. This was to start the cleansing off right. And boy howdy! Did it ever! The next day, in the afternoon, I had to drink 2/3 of the gallon of GOLytely. This was done with the aid of lots of Crystal light and not without a lot of cursing and retching. There has got to be a better way to do this because this way really, really sucks. When I wasn't retching I was in the bathroom and the cycle repeated itself again and again. Finally about 9pm everything settled down. I went to bed. I had to get up at 2:30am to start the whole thing over again.
So, soon I am off to have the procedure done. I will never be so happy to know that something is DONE once and for all. Never doing this again....I swear!
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