I think Santa was looking the other way....

My mom was a teacher for almost 30 years. She taught Second Grade at St. George Elementary School. It was a Catholic school where we kids all went. None of us had her for a teacher though because that would have just been weird.

Every year at Christmas we would go down to the Woolworth's and pick out something fabulous for our teacher. I clearly recall there were several consecutive years where my teachers all received a rather large plastic Pink Poodle bottle full of some smelly bubble bath. It was a big bottle for the money so I thought it always looked like I was really giving them something great! I think it cost .99 cents at Woolworth's!

In our family, being the big group that we are, there were and are always a ton of presents for everyone. But no one got more gifts than my mom. She had an additional 28 kids giving her gifts each year. On the last day before Christmas break she would bring bag loads of unopened gifts home and place them under the tree. This was her booty from her students and I, for one, was always envious and a wee bit curious as to what was in there! Somethings were easily discerned. Usually a round tin contained some kind of home made concoction, probably fruitcake or dry Christmas cookies. If we were lucky there would be fudge in there. A cubed shaped box probably contained some kind of ornament for the Christmas tree. We could always tell when she got a lot of coffee mugs and perfume. And there was one unmistakably shaped box that could only come from one place in the world - Fanny Farmer Candy Co.!!

One Christmas, my nephew John asked Santa for a set of Legos. In mid-December, as the gifts started piling up under the tree, our curiosity got the better of us. We saw one package that we were pretty sure was the Lego set. We'd gently kick it, poke at it, flip our finger over a wayward piece of tape...but nothing happened. Then one day we just couldn't take it anymore. We snatched that package and hid under the desk in the other room far away from the rest of the family. We carefully opened the wrapping so we didn't tear it and quietly slipped the Lego set out. We cautiously opened the box and started playing with the Legos. We did this for a while and then just as stealthily put it all away again. The next day we did it again. On the third day, my mom had brought home all of her goodies from school so when we nabbed the Lego set we nabbed the Fanny Farmer Candy box too. Without thinking twice, we carefully, gently and meticulously unwrapped the candy and the Legos. We played for at least an hour and ate every single piece of candy out of that box! We put all the inner paper wraps back in the box and re-wrapped the whole thing and got it back in my  mom coffer before anyone could see us!

That Christmas Eve as we opened our gifts, John did his best to look super surprised that he got his Lego set. But no one was more surprised than my mom when she unwrapped the gift from one of her students, saw that it was Fanny Farmer Candy and opened the box to share it with us only to find that there was not one single crumb of chocolate in that box! John and I said nothing. Mum's the word! It wasn't until years later, when we were both adults, that we ever told anyone what we had done. When my mom heard this she laughed and laughed. All those years she thought the little second grader who gave her the candy ate it himself!

One hour after Christmas...

So, another Christmas has come and gone. Last year, I had a difficult time with the changes time and age had brought to my traditions. My mother, in a nursing home, was no longer present and at the center of our Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve became a quiet holiday with only Alex and I together. A far cry from the bustling, loud family filled eves of Christmas past. It wasn't the same and I struggled with getting even the slightest hint of the spirit. This year, however, was different. Oh, those changes remain in effect but, for some reason, I embraced the quiet of Christmas Eve and realized that we are starting our own traditions.

It was nice being home alone with Alexander, exchanging our gifts, relaxing, talking, eating the fine holiday meal I cooked and just being ourselves.

On Christmas Day, we were off to my sister's house for more eating (and lots of it!) and a whole passel of family to contend with. There was talking, laughing, singing and playing games. And, you know what? It was fun! I could get used to this way of celebrating this season.

But, our Christmas is not over! Nope! Next Saturday we're having another family get together at the nursing  home where there will be more eating, singing and exchanging of gifts. Mom will be there, at the center of it all, where she should be. We'll have kishka and kielbasa and gooey caramel rolls. And all will be right with the world.

So, as the Christmas season wanes and we await the Epiphany, raise your glass to new traditions, quiet peaceful nights and the love only family can bring.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!!!

Oh, I can't hide it. I'm pretty darn excited for Christmas to get here. This time last year I was hard pressed to find even a shred of Christmas spirit. This year, however, it's here and it's all around me and I can't wait, Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait!!!!!!!!

I still have to go out today and get a few more gifts. Alex keeps telling me "It's not a competition!" LOL No, it's not. When I have the spirit, I love getting gifts for people. I love figuring what they want and what I think they would like. It's a happy balance between getting them something they've asked for and then something else that I know they would love but would never ask for in a million years. I love the wrapping, the tagging, the bows! All of it. I don't feel the stress that I hear my coworkers and friends talk about. How it's all too much for them. Not me! I love it! Bring it on!

I even baked cookies this year. Twice! Okay, so you get the point. I love Christmas.

Last night, I had a full on Christmas evening. After I made four dozen cookies, I opened one of the DVD's I got for my birthday - Little Women. Now, Little Women, if you don't know, is based on a book by Louisa May Alcott and it's about her life growing up at the time of the Civil War with her father away fighting and her "Marmee" and sisters all left at home to work through their poverty and social beliefs amidst the upper classes of Concord, Mass. It's also about sisters, and love, freedom, and being a woman. And it's a story very near and dear to my heart. I first read the book about 43 years ago and I've read it again every year since then. It's the first book I added to my Kindle. What appealed to me back then still appeals to me now. Back then, there were just not many books that had girls as the lead characters. And certainly none that talked about girls needing to express themselves and to go out into the world and make their mark. The main character, Jo, wants to be a writer and longs to travel and learn and grow and those were and are all things that I have always aspired to. The fact that it is about a family of sisters is not lost on me either. I have four sisters and we are closer than most sisters are, in my opinion. I even live upstairs from one of them now. We talk or text nearly every day and we spend a lot of time together. There is a line in Little Women where the youngest sister, Amy, asks Jo if she loves her friend more than her and Jo answers, "Don't be a beetle. I could never love anyone more than I love my sisters!" And that is so true.

For some reason, I always equate this film and book with Christmas. For sure there is a touching Christmas scene where Mr. Laurie, the wealthy neighbor, gifts Beth, the sister who has been terribly ill, with a new piano. It's a great moment that always make me cry! But other than that this is not  really a Christmas movie yet there it is...doing it's part, getting me all worked up again about the holiday!

There are several versions of Little Women out there. Two that I  like best are the one with Katherine Hepburn as Jo and the newest version from the mid-90s starring Winona Ryder. That's the one I watched last night and, you know what? I think I'm going to pop it back into the DVD player right now!

Yup! I got the Christmas spirit! There's absolutely no hiding it!

Holding onto Christmas...

Most people who know me know that I love Christmas. I do..truly. I'm one of those people who get a real kick out of crowded shops, Salvation Army bell ringers, snow, and decorating. I love planning what I'll get everyone, going out to get it and even wrapping it up.

This year, however, feels different to me. I'm mildly excited that Christmas is coming. I'm trying to put together a good one with a tree and lights and other decor. But everything I do seems so haphazard, without much thought, and basically is being done just so it gets done. Yesterday I went to Stien's to get a tree. I had hoped, once again, that the spirit of Christmas would somehow seep in while looking at all the colorful lights and decorations. But it didn't. The trip there became a lesson in patience and basically got cut short because it was obvious that the spirit wasn't showing up.

I even watched "It's a Wonderful Life" last night. I teared up a bit at the end but not like I used to and there was no camaraderie or popcorn or hot chocolate to enjoy with the movie. So it was me, playing on my computer, half watching the film and half not caring that it was even on. That's so unlike me.

I don't know where the spirit of Christmas went. I'm grasping at anything that will bring it back in my life. Even now as I sit here next to our little tree, all decked out in it's holiday finest, it just looks like a "thing" to me. No special meaning, no awe, no nothing.

There is some time before the actual holiday for me to get the groove back. I hope I do. Christmas was always a time of joy and wonder for me. A time to feel like a kid again. I hate that I feel that being slowly sucked away. I will hang onto it as long as I can and maybe, just maybe, I will get a Christmas miracle.

Witnessing Christmas...

I work for an agency that serves the mental health needs of people with severe and persistent mental illness. Most of the time it is a very rewarding job. Sometimes, it goes beyond rewarding.

Last Wednesday, we had our annual Christmas party for the clients. Fifty five people showed up to eat and be merry. One of those who showed was a man named Jesse. Jesse is a very intimidating fellow. He generally has a very surly attitude and he becomes angry very easily. When he's taking his prescribed medications, he can be quite nice but he doesn't take them as prescribed because he know they will counteract with his street drug usage so, there are times, when he's using, that he doesn't take them at all. This means that his illness has never reached a point of stability. Also, Jesse is a very intimidating looking person. He is a large man, almost always dressed in black from head to toe. He has long, long scraggly black hair and a super thick, long, scraggly black beard. Through it all, he has two of the largest, most potently blue eyes I've ever seen. And he uses them to glare at people which, if you are the target of the glare, is indeed extremely frightening.

At our agency, Jesse has now working with his second case manager. The first was too intimidated to continue.

At the Christmas party, Jesse sat at a table with some of the others, dressed all in his trademark black, and glaring at them all. Christmas carols gently played in the back ground while the food - chicken, potatoes, gravy, salad and dessert - was being served. Jesse ate three helpings and fully took advantage of the free soda too. After everyone ate, it was announced that we had a karaoke machine and anyone that wanted to sing a carol was welcome! The crowd grumbled, some seemed eager but too shy to be the first. All of a sudden, Jesse stood up, towering above the crowd at his table. He grabbed one of the ladies sitting near him and another that was passing by. He took them, giggling and screaming, straight up to the microphone and then...

He started singing. First it was a raucous version of "Jingle Bells" and then a calm, sentimental version of "Silent Night". By the time he launched into "Frosty the Snowman" the entire room was singing with him. Jesse's blue eyes, usually etched in a scowl, twinkled as he smiled and sang and danced around.

Afterwards, we raffled off some gifts. A free raffle, drawing names out of hat. We didn't have enough to get everyone something so this was the only fair way to do it. I got to draw the names, leaving the three biggest gifts for last. At the end, the prize was an enormous basket of amazing breakfast food items - bagels, cream cheese, coffee, coffee mugs, pancake mix, syrup, you name it...it was in there. I reached in and drew that last name......(drum roll please)

It was JESSE!! His smile was bigger that I ever imagined he could smile. He came up and accepted his gift and turned around and thanked the crowd. As we ended the party, Jesse pitched in and helped the staff clean up - something he would never have done before. He made casual conversation (REAL conversation) with the other clients who were waiting for their rides to come pick them up.

The last sight I saw was Jesse walking down the street, smiling, and carrying his huge present. And if that wasn't a Christmas miracle, I don't know what it!

Merry Christmas everyone. And Merry Christmas Jesse - wherever you are right now.

Another "thing" about Christmas...

I've rehung the Christmas lights on the window. The first set was "eaten" by the cat. Well, she didn't actually eat it, she just chewed the plug end of the cord off so they couldn't be used. Our little, tiny Christmas tree is lit and decorated. We keep having to shoo away the cat who is bound and determined to get that lighted star one of the these days. I've placed the angel that used to top my Mother's tree in front of our little tree. She proudly stands holding out her lighted candles. I remember going with my Dad to buy that angel when the old star we used to have finally gave up on us. We've had this angel for at least 25 years now. I hope she'll stay lit forever.

I love Christmas. It's no surprise to those around me to hear that. I love this season more than any other. There is some magic in those twinkling lights, ours and those shining in the windows of our neighbors and people we don't know. They send a warm, hopeful glow out into the cold, dark winter night. They actually change a season. I don't know of any other event throughout the year that has that power.

I know, for some, the holiday season is very hard. There are lost and lonely people out there and also those who feel lost and lonely because they cannot see the warmth that exists around them. I've seen how a smile, a small candy cane and a "Happy Holidays!" can work miracles by showing people that, for even just that one moment, someone does care. I've seen incredible acts of graciousness and kindness. People can really be unselfish sometimes and it's always a wonder to see. This is why I love Christmas.

On a more personal note, I love giving gifts. Don't get me wrong! I love getting them too but giving them gives me a whole different feeling. I love taking time to try to figure out what each person in my life would love to have. I don't think of it in practical terms. We can all use warm gloves, and socks, and whatnot but we can all get those at another time. I love giving the gift of fun! I want people to remember the joy they felt at Christmas when they were little. Sometimes that means giving them something just for the fun of it - toys, games, art stuff, whatever it is! Giving someone a good memory to hold onto is a very good thing!

So, tonight, as the frigid deadly cold of Wisconsin is warmed just a little bit by the glow of my holiday lights, I'm enjoying a lovely cup of hot tea, remembering my Dad as the angel blinks, and hoping that everyone, everywhere is warm and loved and happy. If even for a moment.

One little Christmas tree...

Every day I drive through Simmons Island Park. It's not actually an island since it's attached to solid land but it is a park and a lovely one at that. It's located about one block from where I live and it's a great way to either ease into the day on my way to work or wind down on the way home. I love this park.

This morning I was driving through on my way to work and I saw what may be the simplest, sweetest celebration of Christmas I've ever seen. Amidst all the tall trees, there is one small leafless tree. It's being tied down on each side so it doesn't get knocked over by the stormy winter weather. I see this little one every day. Today I noticed that someone had taken the time to hang colorful Christmas ornaments all over it. Just that one little tree, in the middle of the dark wintry park. Blue, red and green shiny balls on it's barren branches. I couldn't help but smile.

I have no idea who did this. It's not as though this tree is in or even near anyone's yard or garden. It's just there, in the park, where the drive curves up from the beach. Whoever did it, I thank them! It really made my day to think of someone so filled with the Christmas spirit they just had to go out and decorate a random tree for all to see.

A good day...

Today was busy but good and I had a lot of fun too. I started out by going to pick up my groceries from the AngelFood place. If you haven't yet heard about AngelFood by all means, do yourself a BIG favor and google it. It's a food co-op open to anyone and for just $30 each month you can get about $80 of groceries. You don't get to choose what you get but there is a set "menu" each month so you do know what you're signing up for. For an additional fee you can also get "specials" like a Fruit and Veg box or extra meat. It's all restaurant quality food and always worth way more than the measly $30. And it's not dependant on your income. Anyone can do this and, for heaven's sake, with the price of food these days, why wouldn't you? This month's $30 box was filled with New York strip steaks, chicken, baby back ribs, potatoes, veggies, eggs, milk, and a dessert. I paid an additional $20 or so and got a huge box of apples, oranges, grapefruit, carrots, onions, celery, more potatoes and sweet potatoes. For my $50 I have enough food to last me a month!

Anywho, after that I did a little Christmas shopping. I'm putting together some little gift bags for my staff so I bought some trinkets and candy and bags to get it started. Later I met my sister Verda and my niece Kathy for dinner. Had an excellent pomegranate margarita...YUM...and then off to do some more shopping. I'm one of those weirdos who actually likes the crowds and the glitz and the whatnot the holiday season brings. I get all sentimental and sing along to the carols on the radio and in the store (much to the dismay of my fellow shoppers...). I just can't help myself. I am a holiday girl. I got some new Christmas stockings to hang "in the hopes that St. Nick soon will be here". I'm looking for the perfect gift for Alex. I still haven't decided exactly what to get him. It's not that he's hard to shop for but I'm picky and want it to be really great. I'm pretty far ahead of the shopping game at this point. I already got my sister's some slippers (that make monkey noises haha!) and I got my brother a book about the Civil War. He's a Civil War buff. I also got my mom a really nice set of bath towels which is what she wanted even though I think it's a damn boring gift!

So, anyway...ho, ho, ho and all that! I say BRING ON THE HOLIDAYS!