Ending the weekend with a boo hoo...

Yesterday was weird. I just had a really bad day overall. I'm not sure when it started because I seemed to just wake up in a funk and stayed there pretty much all day.

I think the problem was that I had sort of geared myself up for a romanticized first day of Advent. Now, I'm not the most religious person and the only reason the first day of Advent is important to me is that it's the day I start getting ready for Christmas. This is definitely a throwback to my Catholic days. I know that in the Catholic doctrine, Advent is the time to prepare for the coming of the Lord. So, I guess in the same vein, it's what I do...just without the religious take. Anyway...I'm getting off track.

So, I got up all ready to get stuff done.

The first thing that went wrong was I couldn't find the lights for the windows anywhere. I searched high and low. And I mean it...high and low and all over the place. I got bupkiss. Alex later reminded me that we had thrown out the lights from last year because one of the cat's chewed through the cord. Ah yes...now I remember. He found the suitcase of Christmas ornaments and there were extra lights in there so I was able to get them up but still it was a very frustrating couple of hours.

The next thing that happened was that the very beautiful large Swedish Advent star that I recently purchased needed to be put together and hung in the window. I've wanted one of these stars ever since the first time I ever went to Sweden. Everyone puts them in their windows (And I mean everyone!) and they light up the long dark days and nights. It's almost magical to see it. So I was chuffed to find them at IKEA and couldn't wait to get it together and in the window. Well, it went together easily but they neglected to include the light bulb. I went to the store to get one that would work but they didn't have the right ones. So, no Advent star. I got so frustrated I took it all apart and threw it in the closet.

The final thing that happened was the kicker. Last year, we sold my mom's house and one thing I saved from her home was the angel that my Dad and I bought years ago for the top of our tree. She is all silver and holds two small candles that light up. I searched everywhere. I can't find her. And that's when I had a complete meltdown and just sat there and cried like a baby.

Maybe it was the culmination of the long weekend of celebrating and being over tired or something. Maybe it was just two many frustrations coming at me at once or maybe it was the silly thought that the angel was gone for good. Whatever it was...it wasn't pretty and I was glad when the day ended.

On the upside, Alex made sure the night ended in a good way and for that I am forever grateful. Love that guy...I really do.

Rain, rain, go away...

Today, with it's incessant rain and cold, is one of those days when it would have been better to just stay in bed with the blankets up over my head. Actually, the crappy weather is sort of the physical embodiment of my mood. I get that way. When the day to day is boring and usual and one day just drones into the next. I can feel my energy just getting sucked out of my body and, frankly, I can feel myself giving in to it. There's just no fight left.

I am longing to travel. I have to get a new passport. I have to get my Social Security number thingy fixed at Social Security. I have to get things in order at home and crap out of the house and to the curb. I want to do stuff and right now I can't even imagine doing it. That's how badly this rain is affecting my mood.

And then I feel ungrateful. Because so many good things have happened and are happening everyday. I see people around me who have REAL problems, REAL issues, REAL life stuff they have to deal with and yet I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could snap out of it.

I remind myself everyday that I have much to be grateful for. A wonderful husband, a good life, and so much more that I could only imagine.

I know it's nothing that a little sunshine wouldn't fix but still...I'm in a crappy mood and wish that I could be back in bed. Where's my blanky when I need it?