Light at the end of the tunnel...

I have one more day of physical therapy left and then I am done. I have two more follow up appointments left and then I am done. I have one more week of being part time at work and then I am back to full time. I have reached the end of the tunnel and it feels great.

So, what have I learned...

1. I am a big scaredy cat sometimes but I don't let that stop me. It's true. My biggest flaw is my own inner fear that I will fail or hurt or do something I should not. I catch myself saying "I can't" first but then I steel myself and TRY and more often than not I succeed and realize there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. It's how I got through therapy. I was afraid of the pain but it was never as bad as I thought it would be. I pushed through and succeeded.

2. I have a very high tolerance for pain. I never thought I did. Before this, my family would have told you I was a big baby when it came to pain but I really do have a high tolerance. My therapist told me I have the highest tolerance of anyone she's ever worked with. I've never reported pain higher than a 5 on a scale of 1 - 10 post surgery. And I haven't used up my full prescription of pain killers yet a full two months after surgery. Ice packs work just fine for me!

3. I'm stronger than I think I am. In therapy, I've been asked to do things - physical things - that I didn't think I could ever do. And I've done them all with determination and each time they were easier to do. I had thought that this kind of physical activity was not something I would be able to do ever again and I'm happy to say I was so wrong!

4. I yearn to be independent. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be taken care of and know that someone is there for you - for a while. But after a time, I long to do things for myself and want to do more. Simple things like bathing! Not having a shower in the house is a pain in the butt because I can't physically get down in the tub and have to rely on Alex to get this huge bath chair in the tub. I LONG to have an easier way to do it myself. It will happen. It's frustrating but I know I'll get there. It is nice to know that I would never want to be totally dependent on another person if I didn't absolutely have to.

5. I am loved. My family has been so awesome throughout all of this. My sister Patsy has been driving me to therapy three times per week and when she was on vacation my other sister stepped in and did it. Patsy also takes me to the doctor. The time she's spent hauling me around has been amazing. My brother in law, a very stoic guy, has made sure that our porch and front walk way has been snow and ice free every single day I needed to go out. He's been out there to help me down the stairs and has always been looking out for me. My other sister Terry, who's going through some health issues of her own, talks to me nightly to check in to see how I'm doing. Lastly, my husband...man, what can I say about him? He has been my rock. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, assisting me, taking care of literally every aspect of our lives all while working full time and going to school. He's an amazing man. And I love him forever, my sweet Alexander. I would never have been able to have gone through this without him.

So, it's onward. The interesting news is I will have to do this all over again one day when I get the other knee replaced! Ha! I'm not signing up for that just yet though. I am letting this one heal some more and getting on with this big, crazy wonderful life!

Things my mother taught me...

1. Be presentable. My mom hated it when she thought I was leaving the house in a manner of dress that was sending off the wrong signals...either too messy, too provocative, or just plain ugly. As a teen, I would go out of my way to find ways to make her lecture me about my clothing so I could engage in a lot of eye rolling and "Oh mom!"-ing. Now, I understand why she felt the way she did. Because it does make a difference. People see and judge us every day on that first impression and, right or wrong, it makes a clear difference in how they treat you.

2. Laugh once in awhile. My mom had and still has a great sense of humor. She always had time to laugh and, occasionally, she would be downright silly. Even in her later years, she was always willing to go along with gag and then would laugh until tears streamed down her face. Humor is so important. It's what gets me through some of the most stressful events and helps me to keep balanced.

3. Enjoy a good martini! My mom loves martinis. Martinis have been her drink of choice for as long as I can remember. Whenever she and my Dad had guests, mom would have a martini while they went for the brandy. At holidays, Mom wanted a martini. A martini, though something of a classic and classy drink, is also a true go-to drink. There's no fooling around with a martini. And not those new fru fru new Cosmos or fruity things people are calling "martinis" these days. No! A martini is, and will forever be, vodka, vermouth, a spash of olive juice and two olives on a toothpick. It's pure alcohol and doesn't mess around.

4. Learn something useful. I used to argue so much with my mom who, when I was going to university, would constantly tell me to "take some courses in education so you can always teach and have something to fall back on". I was a Communications major at the time and didn't want to hear it. Now, I am an administrator in a social service agency. Along my vocational journey, I have had to take additional courses in psychology, sociology, pharmacology, and supervision. These are the "useful" things my mother referred to early in my life. She was always right.

5. Volunteer. My mom was always a big proponent of helping out to make a difference in the community. She volunteered at our local soup kitchen for years and instilled in me a life long virtue of helping out whenever I can. She always felt you can't really be part of a community if you don't put yourself out there to take care of that community. She also just felt that helping others was the right thing to do.

6. Be proud of yourself. It's easy to do things so that other people are proud of you but it's much more difficult to do things that truly make you proud of yourself. Pride is a tricky thing. We're not really supposed to go around being "proud" but my mom meant that there are things in life, choices we make, that are difficult and not always popular and those are the ones we make and can feel proud of ourselves, even if no one else feels it for us.

My mom was and is a smart cookie. She worked non-stop, side by side with my Dad, and raised 6 kids in a way that made us all feel special, loved and needed. We never had money but she made sure we weren't even aware of that as kids. We had what we needed. And we had love. Lots and lots of love. In fact, we still do something that my mom taught us as kids. We tell each other, every time we see each other, at the end of every phone conversation, before we leave a visit to go home - we always say "I love you". So much so it's just become our natural way of ending our conversations. And you know what? Each time we say it, we mean it and that's a testament to the love we learned from our Mom.

I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

The Reboot: The Day After

Well, I made it. I did the full ten days of nothing but home made, healthy, micro nutrient juice. Last night, I had dinner and it was so good. I chose roast chicken, asparagus, and boiled potatoes and that first bite of chicken was almost nirvana.

The funny thing is that I had anticipated eating a lot of chicken and actually I felt quite full half way through my meal so I saved the rest for another day. Now, I can tell ya, THAT hasn't happened in a long time! I can't remember the last time I pushed my plate away and stopped eating when I was full.

I think that, in addition to making me feel great, this Reboot has taught me some lessons as well. And I have a renewed confidence that I can continue this journey and be successful in finally losing weight. I also have a new found love of trying out new veggies! Makes me look forward to the start of Farmer's Market season!

The Reboot: Day Three

Wow, so far this reboot has been easier than I thought it would be. I've realized something about myself. I am a "bored" eater. When I get bored, I eat. Last night, I was home doing what I usually do - studying my Swedish language course, diddling around on Facebook - and I felt bored. I found myself wandering into the kitchen and looking around for something to eat. I realized I wasn't even hungry, just bored. I poured myself another glass of juice and went back to studying.

So, what have I learned? I've learned that I eat when I'm not hungry and that is a huge reason that I now have to lose weight. Emotional and boredom eating are a major cause of my being as I am. At regular mealtimes, I am able to portion control and eat healthy but it's the in between times that get me every time. I am a snacker. I live salty, crunchy snacks followed by something sweet. My husband will tell you, I am a potato chip aficionado. Love them. All of them. That Lay's commercial, the one where they say "bet you can't eat just one" was made explicitly for me because I can eat an entire bag all by myself.

So does this mean there are no more potato chips in my future? No. That's unrealistic. What it means is I am aware of the problem and can act accordingly. I have to remember to eat to live, not live to eat and that's going to make all the difference in the world.

So, cheers! Here's to another glass of Mean Green and this reboot is going great thus far!