For the happy couple...

Yesterday, we attended the beach side wedding of my grand nephew Ryan and his beautiful bride Abby.  The wedding was held at the Southport Beach House. The ceremony was outside overlooking a bright blue Lake Michigan and the reception was inside the gorgeous art deco designed beach house.

As I watched Abby and Ryan exchange their vows some things came to mind that I wanted to share with them.

1. 1. Always remember that this person in front of you is your best friend, strongest ally, and most enthusiastic cheer leader. As the married days go by little things start creeping in - day to day worries, work stuff, what's for dinner, etc. All of this can create so much smoke that sometimes you'll find yourself getting stressed out and that might make you say something you know is wrong, but you do it anyway. Don't worry about this. It happens. And life goes on as long as you always remember that this person in front of you, is the one person in the world you love more that anyone else. 
2. Make each other laugh. There is nothing more endearing or sexier than being able to laugh at each other. Be silly sometimes. Life is too short to be so serious. Go crazy, wear a silly hat, talk in a funny voice once in while. 
3. ARGUE! No, really...have a good argument once in a while. There is nothing more frustrating that having one person back down all the time. Arguing is as good for a marriage as laughter as long as you always remember that you love this person, in spite of his/her position, and you know this argument is simply a matter of different opinion. Let it out! Argue! And then get over it. 
4. Surprise each other! Give each other little gifts now and then. Or go out on a week day. Or plan a special trip for just the two of you. Live a little. 
5. Tell each other you love one another all day, every day. Say it when you end phone conversations, first thing in the morning and when you go to sleep at night. Say is when you leave the house for work. It's so important to let him/her know so that they never, ever question to and they will never, ever feel unloved. Say it loud!

I'm sure Abby and Ryan will have a long, happy marriage. It's evident they love one another very dearly. So perhaps my thoughts are invalid. 

On being two...

I follow a blog called "Home and Away" which I started reading awhile ago because it's written by a woman who moved to live in Sweden with her Swedish husband. I was interested in her point of view because, as you know, that is my dream. The blog was interesting in that she always showed how her daily life was there and also shared her thoughts on the new things she was experiencing and learning. Then her blog changed dramatically when it was discovered that her husband was ill. She wrote less often but when she did, remarkably, she didn't focus on his illness and struggles but rather shared those amazing times when they would take on some great adventure. Because of this, it seemed quite sudden to read that her husband had passed away. For a long while, she wrote nothing. But now she's back writing again and this time she is sharing her adventures as someone who is still grieving and learning to live as a single person once again. All of this led me to start thinking about my life with Alex.

Alex is my second husband. My first, Mike, was a great guy but we had some huge differences in our thinking and long term wishes and, over time, it wore me out. I was the one who filed for divorce and I know that hurt him very much. That's something I'm not proud of - hurting someone that I care about to this day - but I know that I had to do what I had to do for my own sake. So, I have to live with the regret of hurting Mike but not with the regret of leaving my marriage. It was necessary.

Alex - who is going to kill me for putting this all out there Haha! - sees in me what I have always known was there and makes me feel very alive again. Before getting married the first time I was single for a long time. So I know what it is like on both sides of that fence. When the person you love is the right one, there is so much strength in the number 2. Two people can move mountains. Or just sit quietly and take it all in.

The strength I feel in being with Alex seems to have more to do with what I give than what I take. I like doing things for him. Simple things that would probably set feminism back a decade or two but it's true that I like making dinner as much as I like having dinner made for me. I think there are times when I worry more about his well being that it drives him crazy! Me: "Are you sure you don't want a sandwich or something?" Him: "NO!! For the last time, no, I'm fine!!" Me: "Okay, just making sure. Are you sure?" Him: "STOP!!!!" and so on and so forth.

I find the planning ahead we do refreshing. It makes me feel like we are making a future together. And Alex is frugal. Sometimes more than I would like but, at the end of the day, I have to admit he's almost always right when it comes to saving money. Yet, he's not cheap. We have times when we splurge on ourselves and have a great time and I know it's because he was frugal to begin with that we can do that!

Being two means there will be times when we fight. But we always get over it. Being two means there are times when we work together like a well oiled machine. Most of all, being two means that there is always one other person, in the room, in the building, in the house, in the world, who knows me better than anyone and I can always trust that he will have my best interests at heart. Being two means we hold each other in deepest mutual regard and love one another deeply. We tell each other every day. We say the words "I love you" out loud. But, being two means that we really don't ever have to say it because we already know.

For me, being two has some definite advantages over being one.

A wonderful way to be...

I've got a great husband. I really do. I come home to find he's done something that I've been unable to do for a very long time. It happens all the time. Furniture moved, hallways cleared, stuff organized. I don't think he even knows how great he is. That's just part of why I love him.

A very happy day...

Jan Alexander and Mary Elizabeth Lindqvist
November 30, 2009

A very happy day indeed!