Yikes, I gotta stop being so sensitive...

Sigh.

Usually, when I am on the Internet, I try to take a deep breath and step back from some of the relative stupidity I see. I have a couple of Internet "friends" who are extremely conservative in their political views though for the life of me I can't think why. They are both middle class, working stiffs who play music. Certainly not in that infamous 1%. Anyway. Occasionally, they will post something on Facebook that just makes my blood boil and it's during those moments I have to breathe and stop myself from posting a rant! I suppose there is no harm in ranting on Facebook but my recent past Internet history shows me that this is something that has never gotten me anywhere and usually just pisses me off even more.

Still...
One in a while, I just can't help myself. Today was one of those days. Another Internet buddy, another musician, posted a link to a video which he says "proves" that no plane crashed into the Pentagon on 9-11 but that it was an "inside" government planned job, a bomb if you will, in order to gain some control. (Of what he does not say!) In addition to his link, he posted a rant of his own boldly stating that our government is a bunch of assholes and they should be "hanged...killed..." and we should start a "civil war against our government". Okay...so...wait...what?? Yes, sadly...he was serious. I really, really tried to take that breath and leave it at that but I just couldn't.

I had to respond. I just had to. So I did. This is what I wrote...

"Seriously? No, really I mean it...seriously? So let me get this straight...you think there's lessor evil in threatening to hang. kill or start a bloody civil war than in what may or may not have happened on 9-11. Whether or not you believe this woman, and that's your prerogative to believe what you want though there is waaaay more evidence out there that it contrary, your statement is alarming to me. I think that in light of past actual government scandals that have come to light I can pretty much safely believe that no one "on the inside" had anything to gain by perpetrating this devastation on the AMerican people. If the idea is that Geroge W would gain some "control" well, he was an idiot then and remained an idiot throughout the ordeal and subsequent aftermath so he really didn't gain anything. Neither did his cabinet or anyone else associated with that regime at that time. My point is this...I'm not really taking issue with you, John...I'm taking issue with those who right or wrong, believe it or not, conspiracy theorists or whatever who, I know, are delving into this stuff with the probably a true need to try to understand why 9-11 happened, who did it and why. And the thing is, there is no why really! It doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter if you think it was Al-queda or our own government because it was a senseless, violent act that makes no sense. It makes no sense that people went to work that day and never returned. It makes no sense that just another September morning was shattered and lives were lost and people and psyches and our society was forever changed. That will never make sense. But what also doesn't make sense is the name calling, threats, and finger pointing that continues to go on and on. You can't make sense out of a senseless act. Just doesn't work that way. Hate perpetuates hate. They hate us so we hate them whoever that "them" might be - terrorists, government, our own neighbors, whoever. Hate begets hate. I guess I just really believe there is more merit in trying to heal the wounds than in constantly digging at them and pouring in the salt. Sorry for the long post. You can delete it if you want to and, again, I have no issue with you! Your post just really struck a nerve with me. Sorry."

And it's true...I don't have an issue with my friend John. I have an issue with the constant din of those who whine and complain about our government and the finger pointers and the naysayers. Don't get me wrong. I think there is MUCH our government could be doing better but I also will always remember what Sister Margaret, my high school history teacher once said. She said,
"Yes, it a government "by the people and for the people" but that doesn't take out the "people's" responsibility!" What she meant was this -

While our elected officials are supposed to be our representation in Washington we all still have a responsibility to take care of each other and do it right where we live. We can't rely on government to make things better because our personal definition of that cannot always jibe with the bigger picture of world politics. We, the American people, have a bad reputation world wide because, unfortunately, more often than not, we live up to the stereotypes of the "ugly American". But I know we are not like that deep down. I know that we have long arms of comfort and charity and a hard work ethic that can translate into healing and care to many places of the world. Conspiracy theorists, finger pointers and naysayers all miss the point. While they're sitting around yelling "someone should do something about that!" others are out there doing something about that! They're reaching out, they're changing attitudes, they're working to bridge the hatred and eradicate it once and for all. As John Lennon so eloquently sang, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one" and he was right.

The hatred that was responsible for 9-11 can only be stopped one way. It cannot be stopped with military action though some think it can. It cannot be stopped with negotiations though that would be a good start. It can only be completely stopped when the barriers between people, whether it be religion, language, economic or social, are taken down at last. And the funny thing is, those barriers cannot come down through some kind of mass governmental decree! They will only come down one person at a time. One friend at a time. One handshake, one smile, one kind gesture at a time. One time where we don't speak, but we listen reflectively and seek to understand. Then, we become more than friends. We become family.

It's not an easy task either. Ask yourself, have I ever heard someone make an off handed joke about another race or religion or gender and smiled or even laughed. If the joke bothered me, did I say anything? Was I afraid? Ask yourself, have I ever seen a homeless person or someone panhandling and thought to myself "That guy should get a job!" or "God, those people annoy me!" Have you ever taken the time to stop and talk to that person? Ask yourself, have you ever watched the news and seen footage of the middle east, maybe a car bombing or the war, and thought "Serves them right!" Hey, I know it sounds harsh but I've heard people say that! And I can't help thinking that on 9-11 there were probably people on the other side of the world saying the same thing about us!

I don't understand violence and I choose not to perpetuate hate in this world. What do you choose to do?

The week that was...

Though I may not show it, I hate waiting for anything. It's probably one of the hardest things for me to deal with - being made to wait. This past week I was waiting for some news. The exact nature of the news isn't important but the news itself was either going to be very good or very difficult. It's wierd, but, sometimes, you can be waiting for something that both excites you and scares the crap outta you. It was hard to know how to feel about it. The longer I waited, the worse my stress level became because I was trying to keep my emotions in check and not get all girly and cry. The waiting brought on great thoughts of what might be and then horrible thoughts of what might be. And the odd part about that is that when I finally got the news I was waiting for I was still left with those same thoughts. There was no resolution to them and maybe until the next time I am waiting for some news like this again, there never will be. All of this made a song pop into my head. It's a song from an old musical and, I think, might have been sung by Bing Crosby. It goes like this...

"When I'm worried and I can't sleep,
I count my blessings instead of sheep,
and then I fall asleep,
counting my blessings."

So, here's my count... my blessings...those things I will never take for granted and be grateful for every day of my life.

1. Love - I love and am loved and there's nothing better than that.
2. Family - they make me crazy but I can't live without them.
3. Home - both here and away, it's where my heart is.
4. Work - as much as I bitch about having to do it, I see it's value.
5. Friends - I don't have enough and look forward to making more wherever I am.
6. Health - there are things I need to change to keep it but I'm healthy and for that I'm grateful.
7. Smarts - I have some, could use more and I appreciate it when I see it in others.
8. Music - there is music in everything.
9. Words - I have a skill for communication and I love what the right words can do.
10. Values - mine may not be the same as yours but I know, inside, I am a good person.

Funny, when I start making this list, I realize that I'm a lot better off than most. I don't want...not for material things, that's for sure. Not that I am wealthy but those things never meant anything to me. I do want for other things though. I want to be in the place I know I belong, with the person I know I belong with. But I don't feel regret about that right now because I also have a sense of calm knowing that will happen. All good things come to those who wait.