Hey, Wayne, I have another complain....

I'ma gonna get serious on you, folks.

I don't know how much more of this heat wave we're having here in Wisconsin I can take.

Yes, I have air conditioning.
Yes, I have access to a pool and use it frequently.
None of it matters.

I'm tired of sweating.

I just took a lovely bath. By the time I dried myself off, I was sweating again.

I hate this with a passion.

I want summer to be a time when I can actually go outside and enjoy the fact that it's not 20 below zero. I can't do that when it's 105 degrees outside with a heat index of 120! I hate walking out my door and getting a furnace blast of hot, humid nastiness in my face. It's like walking in a convection oven only I am the cupcake being baked.

I'm over it. I'm over it now. If I don't see a rain drop in the next 48 hours I will not be held responsible for my actions. I will be a two hour long episode of "Snapped". There aren't clothes invented yet to make getting dressed in this weather feasible. If walking around naked wasn't against the law, I might consider it.

I can't think because my brain has long since boiled in it's own juices a week ago now.

This heat makes me hate people. Even nice people. I just hate them because I'm hot and uncomfortable and they are nice. It makes sense when you're brain is boiled, trust me.

My cat keeps trying to snuggle. I keep thinking he'd make a nice throw rug or stuffed door stop. I love my cat but he's covered in fur and has hot fishy breath that he likes to breathe into my ears while I'm trying to sleep. He might make a good hat.

My husband is a great guy but if he touches me, he's toast. Skin on skin....ew. Too hot. Stay away or touch me at your own peril. Like I said, "Snapped".

While I'm at it, let me complain about another thing heat related. Who the heck thought the bra was a good idea? WHO!?? I want the person right here, right now. I'm gonna bitch slap him or her or them. A bra has it's function, for sure, but when it's this hot it becomes a torture device more heinous than any used in the Spanish Inquisition. Don't even get me started on boob sweat....

We're going on Week 4 ? 5? Month 4??? Good lord, how long has this heat wave been going on? I have tried very hard to be kind and understanding and polite and patient and nice and now...I am done. People just better stay out of my way until we get some relief. And if I ever see that weatherman from Channel 4 in person....well, it won't be pretty.