Hey, Wayne, I have another complain....

I'ma gonna get serious on you, folks.

I don't know how much more of this heat wave we're having here in Wisconsin I can take.

Yes, I have air conditioning.
Yes, I have access to a pool and use it frequently.
None of it matters.

I'm tired of sweating.

I just took a lovely bath. By the time I dried myself off, I was sweating again.

I hate this with a passion.

I want summer to be a time when I can actually go outside and enjoy the fact that it's not 20 below zero. I can't do that when it's 105 degrees outside with a heat index of 120! I hate walking out my door and getting a furnace blast of hot, humid nastiness in my face. It's like walking in a convection oven only I am the cupcake being baked.

I'm over it. I'm over it now. If I don't see a rain drop in the next 48 hours I will not be held responsible for my actions. I will be a two hour long episode of "Snapped". There aren't clothes invented yet to make getting dressed in this weather feasible. If walking around naked wasn't against the law, I might consider it.

I can't think because my brain has long since boiled in it's own juices a week ago now.

This heat makes me hate people. Even nice people. I just hate them because I'm hot and uncomfortable and they are nice. It makes sense when you're brain is boiled, trust me.

My cat keeps trying to snuggle. I keep thinking he'd make a nice throw rug or stuffed door stop. I love my cat but he's covered in fur and has hot fishy breath that he likes to breathe into my ears while I'm trying to sleep. He might make a good hat.

My husband is a great guy but if he touches me, he's toast. Skin on skin....ew. Too hot. Stay away or touch me at your own peril. Like I said, "Snapped".

While I'm at it, let me complain about another thing heat related. Who the heck thought the bra was a good idea? WHO!?? I want the person right here, right now. I'm gonna bitch slap him or her or them. A bra has it's function, for sure, but when it's this hot it becomes a torture device more heinous than any used in the Spanish Inquisition. Don't even get me started on boob sweat....

We're going on Week 4 ? 5? Month 4??? Good lord, how long has this heat wave been going on? I have tried very hard to be kind and understanding and polite and patient and nice and now...I am done. People just better stay out of my way until we get some relief. And if I ever see that weatherman from Channel 4 in person....well, it won't be pretty.

It's not the heat, it's the humidity...

These days, one doesn't go any where in South eastern Wisconsin without someone talking about the weather. We have had the worst few weeks of hot, sticky weather! It's gotten to the point where it's just about all anyone can talk about because we are all just walking around like slugs on hot pavement. Seriously, I broke a sweat just breathing the other day.

In our little apartment we have two window AC units that have been running full bore for the past three weeks. We are doing our part to keep WE Energies in business, for sure. I grew up without AC and I know there were some miserable days and nights but, honestly, I don't know how we kept our sanity and didn't kill one another.

To make matter worse, I've been getting aquatic therapy on my knee. Oh sure, that sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Go work out in a pool. Sounds refreshing! Well, it isn't. The therapy pool is kept at about 98 degrees which is only a few degrees hotter than it already is outside. One hour in that pool and I feel like a noodle that's long past al dente. Even my therapist, who has to be in that pool all day, told me that yesterday she was so overheated from being in the pool that when she got home she actually threw up! So, therapy is making me stronger but more miserable.

Every day is a challenge to know what to wear. Since wearing nothing is not an option, I go through my clothes trying to guess what might be the coolest thing to wear. And by coolest, I mean what will keep me the coolest, not what looks the coolest. Because looking cool or even presentable ceased being important at about Day 3 of this heat wave. Now I'm resorting to anything that isn't see through no matter how old and wretched the article of clothing is. At this point, I just don't care anymore! I fully expect to be seen on that "People of Walmart" site. (Except then I'd actually have to go to Walmart which I avoid like the plague.) Still, you get my meaning. It ain't pretty.

An easy solution would be to simply set up camp at my sister's house and live in her pool until this hot streak breaks. Her pool is cooler and refreshing. But my brother in law would probably not like seeing me in his yard every morning. Oh he's a great guy and all but even he has his limits on family moochers hanging out in his pool.

No, for me, at least for today, I will stay indoors, in some semblance of clothing, with cold water in hand and AC's a blasting! I'm hoping we get rain soon. I've even done a little rain dance in my living room but so far...nothing. I feel bad for the lawn and the flowers and the trees. If it wasn't so damned hot, I'd go out there and water them.

Another bitch rant about the heat...

No, seriously, this heat is all that's on my mind right now so that's what I'm writing about. Today we cancelled "Bingo" for our clients due to the heat. What kind of crazy heat does there have to be in order for "Bingo" to be cancelled!? This kind of crazy heat, that's what. The kind that sucks out your will to live in just minutes. We told everyone to stay home, drink water and stay cool. Of course, some of them didn't listen and those that didn't were here screaming at us for something or other. Normally, the screamers are few and far between but today, what with everyone's will to live sucked out of them, they were rampant.

It is too damn hot here today.

It's too hot to even go to the beach.

It's too hot for clothes (though they appreciate it when you keep those on at work).

It's too hot for chit chat. That just makes my boiled brain hurt.

It's too hot to concentrate on anything. People are walking around the office like zombies.

It's too hot to get up and refill my water bottle. But I will because I need the water.

It's too hot to eat.

It's too hot for shoes. Flip flops at work? Hells yeah! I dare someone to call me on it...I just dare them! (insert stern mean mug photo here)

It's too hot to drive. Have I mentioned my AC in my car doesn't work? I drove Alex home from work so he didn't have to walk and it was like driving him home in a microwave. Without the added benefit of popcorn.

It's too hot to listen to music. My ear buds make my head sweat.

I want to be somewhere cold having one of these.



I love summer. It's my favorite time of year, next to Christmas, but please, for the love of all that's holy, please make this heat wave stop.