My week from hell...

In the continuing saga of my on-going health issues, this week has topped them all. Even more than last week and last week I had a colonoscopy!

On Saturday, I went in for a routine eye exam. I wear glasses so I go every other year. Everything was going well until the doc called me back after dilating my eyes and said "It looks like your optic nerve is swollen." Seriously? What the hell else could go wrong? I had to go back to him on the following Monday to take a field of vision test. Basically, it's a test where you look into this machine and click a clicker every time you see a flash in your peripheral vision. It takes about a half hour. Afterwards, the they printed my results and it turns out I have no peripheral vision in my right eye when I look to the left or down. Nothing. Missed every single flash. Who knew? So, this doc makes an immediate appointment for an ophthalmologist.

So, on Friday I go to see the new guy and he has me do the same test over again. Then he takes a picture of the backside of my eyes. He shows me my optic nerve. On the left eye, it's all round and nice looking and healthy. On the right, not so much. The outside line is all distorted and mangled. He tells me that it could be fluid or a small tumor or there could be some other underlying reason like Lyme Disease or MS but that he can't tell anything until I have an MRI which, he says, I have to do right away.

So, on Tuesday, I am off to Kenosha Radiology to get an MRI. Now I've had an MRI before and one thing I learned is that I have to have what's called an "open" MRI. A regular MRI closes you in a tiny small space and when they tried to do that to me the first time I completely freaked out. So this time I made sure it was open. Open means you are in something that looks more like a donut rather than a tube and you can see the room and daylight when you need to. The technician strapped my head into this basket type thing and that was strapped down to the table. I was not allowed to move at all. My feet were elevated and my arms placed on pillows to get me as comfortable as possible. I was given a call button in case I needed her to stop at any time. So it began. I was given ear plugs and there's a reason for that. MRI's are very, very loud. The machine makes an incessant pounding noise that goes on for some time. The first part of the test took about an hour with a few stops in between. Then she injected me with some dye and we did it all over again. This is called "with contrast". Contrast is the orange dye that goes through your veins and gives the doc a different view of what might be going on. Two hours later, I was done.

Today, I get to go see yet another new doc. This time for a consult for a possible sleep study. I might have sleep apnea. Might not. Just another silly test my primary doc wants me to go through.

On Friday,  I go back to the ophthalmologist to get the results of the MRI. Next week I have yet another new doc to see and then a follow up with my primary. This has been the most annoying carousel ride I have ever been on! I want to get off...NOW!

Hey, Wayne, I have another complain....

I'ma gonna get serious on you, folks.

I don't know how much more of this heat wave we're having here in Wisconsin I can take.

Yes, I have air conditioning.
Yes, I have access to a pool and use it frequently.
None of it matters.

I'm tired of sweating.

I just took a lovely bath. By the time I dried myself off, I was sweating again.

I hate this with a passion.

I want summer to be a time when I can actually go outside and enjoy the fact that it's not 20 below zero. I can't do that when it's 105 degrees outside with a heat index of 120! I hate walking out my door and getting a furnace blast of hot, humid nastiness in my face. It's like walking in a convection oven only I am the cupcake being baked.

I'm over it. I'm over it now. If I don't see a rain drop in the next 48 hours I will not be held responsible for my actions. I will be a two hour long episode of "Snapped". There aren't clothes invented yet to make getting dressed in this weather feasible. If walking around naked wasn't against the law, I might consider it.

I can't think because my brain has long since boiled in it's own juices a week ago now.

This heat makes me hate people. Even nice people. I just hate them because I'm hot and uncomfortable and they are nice. It makes sense when you're brain is boiled, trust me.

My cat keeps trying to snuggle. I keep thinking he'd make a nice throw rug or stuffed door stop. I love my cat but he's covered in fur and has hot fishy breath that he likes to breathe into my ears while I'm trying to sleep. He might make a good hat.

My husband is a great guy but if he touches me, he's toast. Skin on skin....ew. Too hot. Stay away or touch me at your own peril. Like I said, "Snapped".

While I'm at it, let me complain about another thing heat related. Who the heck thought the bra was a good idea? WHO!?? I want the person right here, right now. I'm gonna bitch slap him or her or them. A bra has it's function, for sure, but when it's this hot it becomes a torture device more heinous than any used in the Spanish Inquisition. Don't even get me started on boob sweat....

We're going on Week 4 ? 5? Month 4??? Good lord, how long has this heat wave been going on? I have tried very hard to be kind and understanding and polite and patient and nice and now...I am done. People just better stay out of my way until we get some relief. And if I ever see that weatherman from Channel 4 in person....well, it won't be pretty.