Dear N,
Years ago you did something that altered me for the rest of my life and I have hated you for it ever since. Over time, I've learned to let go of that hatred and think of you only when absolutely necessary which, thankfully, is almost never. Your actions, perpetrated on me when I was so vulnerable, made me hurt myself for years. I kept my feelings inside for so long that I could almost imagine that you did nothing at all. But that, you sorry bastard, is a lie and a couple of years ago I let that inner child have her voice for the first time and I will never again pretend that everything was okay.
I've seen you lately. Old and ruddy, limping and bloated and I have to think that karma is a beautiful bitch. I always notice how you can barely bring yourself to say hello on those occasions when we're forced to be in close proximity. It's just as well. The thought of making small talk with you turns my stomach.
I want you to know that what you did was sick. Just plain sick. The after effects that I had took me years to get over. I blamed myself for a long time. I know that was wrong. I didn't deserve your sickness and I sure as hell won't hold onto it any longer. I am strong now. I have cleansed myself and forgiven me for a time when I thought I should have known better or done better. I almost forgive you...almost. I don't hurt myself anymore. I know better now. I'm not the one who should have been hurting.
One day you will pass and I will think of you then. But I will not weep. My tears will be saved for someone who deserves them. Our paths may cross again, I know. If they do, I will say hello and move away to keep my inner child safe and away from your dark aura.
Have a good life...if you can,
Mary Beth
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