Beginning of August and I'm feeling the blahs...
I'm restless.
I want to do something.
I don't know what.
I also want to stop hurting.
Because I hurt. My knee and back hurt and I'm sick and tired of it. I wish it away. Forever.
The End.
Showing posts with label hurting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurting. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Oi the pain...
I should probably be writing about something important like all the unrest in the world and the general craziness of our society right now. I mean, it's out there, people. Take a look around. I know I should be writing about that but I can't. I can't because I am in pain. IN PAIN. And the pain is making my brain hurt and I can't think of anything other than the fact that I am in pain right now.
When I was 10 I got hit by a car. It was my friend's Dad coming home from work. He wasn't going very fast, it being a side street where children played. I was riding my bike around another friend's house and up and down their drive way without looking and without helmet. I mean, seriously, who wore a helmet back then? I shot out of the drive way between two parked cars and BOOM he hit me. Just hard enough to send me sailing over my handlebars and onto the pavement, landing on my left knee. I scraped most of the skin off of it that day and probably did some deeper damage but back then unless you had a limb hanging off or a noticeable bone protruding or you stopped breathing for more than a minute, you just didn't go to the ER! So my Mom scooped me off the road, told the neighbor she was sorry she had such an idiot kid like me and she took me home to give me the best mercurochrome treatment she could muster.
About ten years later, I started to notice that my left knee "acted up" once in a while. It would make crazy noises "snap, crackle and pop" in cold weather and sometimes have a low ache if I overused it or overindulged in salty foods. I cracked it up to growing pains and got on with life. In my 20's the pain got a little worse. Surely, it wasn't helped by my weight increase but I had more episodes of pain that lasted for longer times. I had to get it checked. The diagnosis? Arthritis brought on by the earlier trauma of that car accident. During my 30's and 40's I learned to keep the pain under control with over the counter anti-inflammatories and walking. But I was also compensating for the pain in the left leg and that was starting to take a told on the right. Sure as shooting, I now had arthritis in both knees.
So now I am in my 50s and my knees are wrecked. This winter has been the worst one ever. I've had physical therapy previously on my knees and I've even had cortisone shots. I go to acupuncture once a week and that helps a lot but last week was the coldest week ever and my left knee is killing me. Last night, it hurt so much that I could not sleep. Even pain relief meds aren't touching this. I fear it is time to look into a more permanent solution. So I've made an appointment at the orthopedic doc for this Friday. Hopefully I will get some answer and some sweet relief because I cannot go on like this! It hurts and, even though I have a fairly high level of tolerance for pain, this is really getting to me!
OUCH!!!!
When I was 10 I got hit by a car. It was my friend's Dad coming home from work. He wasn't going very fast, it being a side street where children played. I was riding my bike around another friend's house and up and down their drive way without looking and without helmet. I mean, seriously, who wore a helmet back then? I shot out of the drive way between two parked cars and BOOM he hit me. Just hard enough to send me sailing over my handlebars and onto the pavement, landing on my left knee. I scraped most of the skin off of it that day and probably did some deeper damage but back then unless you had a limb hanging off or a noticeable bone protruding or you stopped breathing for more than a minute, you just didn't go to the ER! So my Mom scooped me off the road, told the neighbor she was sorry she had such an idiot kid like me and she took me home to give me the best mercurochrome treatment she could muster.
About ten years later, I started to notice that my left knee "acted up" once in a while. It would make crazy noises "snap, crackle and pop" in cold weather and sometimes have a low ache if I overused it or overindulged in salty foods. I cracked it up to growing pains and got on with life. In my 20's the pain got a little worse. Surely, it wasn't helped by my weight increase but I had more episodes of pain that lasted for longer times. I had to get it checked. The diagnosis? Arthritis brought on by the earlier trauma of that car accident. During my 30's and 40's I learned to keep the pain under control with over the counter anti-inflammatories and walking. But I was also compensating for the pain in the left leg and that was starting to take a told on the right. Sure as shooting, I now had arthritis in both knees.
So now I am in my 50s and my knees are wrecked. This winter has been the worst one ever. I've had physical therapy previously on my knees and I've even had cortisone shots. I go to acupuncture once a week and that helps a lot but last week was the coldest week ever and my left knee is killing me. Last night, it hurt so much that I could not sleep. Even pain relief meds aren't touching this. I fear it is time to look into a more permanent solution. So I've made an appointment at the orthopedic doc for this Friday. Hopefully I will get some answer and some sweet relief because I cannot go on like this! It hurts and, even though I have a fairly high level of tolerance for pain, this is really getting to me!
OUCH!!!!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A look from the other side...
I honestly do not know how my dear husband or the people I work with can put up with me these days. And I have a whole new perspective on people who use narcotic pain killers.
As I have previously written, I've been going through a series of medical things all pertaining to constant stabbing pain in my right shoulder. It's been going on since the middle of summer and I've had an xray, an MRI and done phsycial therapy. I've taken Meloxicam - a mild pain reliever - which did nothing to alleviate any pain whatsoever - and now I've been prescribed Narco - which is essentially Tylenol with a buttload of codiene attached to it. It works but it puts me to sleep so I can only take it just before I go to bed. For the rest of the day I take regular Tylenol which makes no difference at all and, sometimes, the pain is so bad that I can only sit and hold back the tears at my desk. Needless to say, this enduring pain makes me a real bitch sometimes. It zaps my energy and makes me ubercranky and I am so tired of it all that I can't even really be apologetic about it.
I have worked with clients that have complained of chronic pain and some who have been addicted to pain meds and I can see the world through their eyes for the first time. The relief I get from the Narco is so great that I can see it's appeal and how easy it would be to simply take more to get that relief more often. Fortunately, I do know how dangerous that is so I don't do it. I can also see why those clients who have chronic pain can be the more challenging folks to work with. Frankly, when you have this kind of pain, it's hard to concentrate or think of anything else. For me, there are nights when I am reduced to quietly sitting with ice on my shoulder and I can't even speak much because thinking my way through a conversation seems almost impossible. The pain distracts me from everything. Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having to stop and start because of the constant stabbing pain.
Thankfully, for me, there may be an end in sight. I'm going to a specialist on Friday and, hopefully, he will give me a shot of cortisone to relieve this once and for all. I'm looking forward to being pain free once again because I'm sick and tired of feeling this way - sick and tired - all the time. Hurting is not fun! Pain affects every single thing I do, even just sitting and trying to relax. I'm over it! I need it gone NOW! But, once again, I think going through this has made me more aware of what some of the clients I work with go through. Maybe I'll have more empathy and be more effective at working with them. In the very least, I will be more understanding!
As I have previously written, I've been going through a series of medical things all pertaining to constant stabbing pain in my right shoulder. It's been going on since the middle of summer and I've had an xray, an MRI and done phsycial therapy. I've taken Meloxicam - a mild pain reliever - which did nothing to alleviate any pain whatsoever - and now I've been prescribed Narco - which is essentially Tylenol with a buttload of codiene attached to it. It works but it puts me to sleep so I can only take it just before I go to bed. For the rest of the day I take regular Tylenol which makes no difference at all and, sometimes, the pain is so bad that I can only sit and hold back the tears at my desk. Needless to say, this enduring pain makes me a real bitch sometimes. It zaps my energy and makes me ubercranky and I am so tired of it all that I can't even really be apologetic about it.
I have worked with clients that have complained of chronic pain and some who have been addicted to pain meds and I can see the world through their eyes for the first time. The relief I get from the Narco is so great that I can see it's appeal and how easy it would be to simply take more to get that relief more often. Fortunately, I do know how dangerous that is so I don't do it. I can also see why those clients who have chronic pain can be the more challenging folks to work with. Frankly, when you have this kind of pain, it's hard to concentrate or think of anything else. For me, there are nights when I am reduced to quietly sitting with ice on my shoulder and I can't even speak much because thinking my way through a conversation seems almost impossible. The pain distracts me from everything. Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having to stop and start because of the constant stabbing pain.
Thankfully, for me, there may be an end in sight. I'm going to a specialist on Friday and, hopefully, he will give me a shot of cortisone to relieve this once and for all. I'm looking forward to being pain free once again because I'm sick and tired of feeling this way - sick and tired - all the time. Hurting is not fun! Pain affects every single thing I do, even just sitting and trying to relax. I'm over it! I need it gone NOW! But, once again, I think going through this has made me more aware of what some of the clients I work with go through. Maybe I'll have more empathy and be more effective at working with them. In the very least, I will be more understanding!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
30 Letters in 30 Days...Day Twelve: a person who has caused me pain...
Dear N,
Years ago you did something that altered me for the rest of my life and I have hated you for it ever since. Over time, I've learned to let go of that hatred and think of you only when absolutely necessary which, thankfully, is almost never. Your actions, perpetrated on me when I was so vulnerable, made me hurt myself for years. I kept my feelings inside for so long that I could almost imagine that you did nothing at all. But that, you sorry bastard, is a lie and a couple of years ago I let that inner child have her voice for the first time and I will never again pretend that everything was okay.
I've seen you lately. Old and ruddy, limping and bloated and I have to think that karma is a beautiful bitch. I always notice how you can barely bring yourself to say hello on those occasions when we're forced to be in close proximity. It's just as well. The thought of making small talk with you turns my stomach.
I want you to know that what you did was sick. Just plain sick. The after effects that I had took me years to get over. I blamed myself for a long time. I know that was wrong. I didn't deserve your sickness and I sure as hell won't hold onto it any longer. I am strong now. I have cleansed myself and forgiven me for a time when I thought I should have known better or done better. I almost forgive you...almost. I don't hurt myself anymore. I know better now. I'm not the one who should have been hurting.
One day you will pass and I will think of you then. But I will not weep. My tears will be saved for someone who deserves them. Our paths may cross again, I know. If they do, I will say hello and move away to keep my inner child safe and away from your dark aura.
Have a good life...if you can,
Mary Beth
Years ago you did something that altered me for the rest of my life and I have hated you for it ever since. Over time, I've learned to let go of that hatred and think of you only when absolutely necessary which, thankfully, is almost never. Your actions, perpetrated on me when I was so vulnerable, made me hurt myself for years. I kept my feelings inside for so long that I could almost imagine that you did nothing at all. But that, you sorry bastard, is a lie and a couple of years ago I let that inner child have her voice for the first time and I will never again pretend that everything was okay.
I've seen you lately. Old and ruddy, limping and bloated and I have to think that karma is a beautiful bitch. I always notice how you can barely bring yourself to say hello on those occasions when we're forced to be in close proximity. It's just as well. The thought of making small talk with you turns my stomach.
I want you to know that what you did was sick. Just plain sick. The after effects that I had took me years to get over. I blamed myself for a long time. I know that was wrong. I didn't deserve your sickness and I sure as hell won't hold onto it any longer. I am strong now. I have cleansed myself and forgiven me for a time when I thought I should have known better or done better. I almost forgive you...almost. I don't hurt myself anymore. I know better now. I'm not the one who should have been hurting.
One day you will pass and I will think of you then. But I will not weep. My tears will be saved for someone who deserves them. Our paths may cross again, I know. If they do, I will say hello and move away to keep my inner child safe and away from your dark aura.
Have a good life...if you can,
Mary Beth
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