A look from the other side...

I honestly do not know how my dear husband or the people I work with can put up with me these days. And I have a whole new perspective on people who use narcotic pain killers.

As I have previously written, I've been going through a series of medical things all pertaining to constant stabbing pain in my right shoulder. It's been going on since the middle of summer and I've had an xray, an MRI and done phsycial therapy. I've taken Meloxicam - a mild pain reliever - which did nothing to alleviate any pain whatsoever - and now I've been prescribed Narco - which is essentially Tylenol with a buttload of codiene attached to it. It works but it puts me to sleep so I can only take it just before I go to bed. For the rest of the day I take regular Tylenol which makes no difference at all and, sometimes, the pain is so bad that I can only sit and hold back the tears at my desk. Needless to say, this enduring pain makes me a real bitch sometimes. It zaps my energy and makes me ubercranky and I am so tired of it all that I can't even really be apologetic about it.

I have worked with clients that have complained of chronic pain and some who have been addicted to pain meds and I can see the world through their eyes for the first time. The relief I get from the Narco is so great that I can see it's appeal and how easy it would be to simply take more to get that relief more often. Fortunately,  I do know how dangerous that is so I don't do it. I can also see why those clients who have chronic pain can be the more challenging folks to work with. Frankly, when you have this kind of pain, it's hard to concentrate or think of anything else. For me, there are nights when I am reduced to quietly sitting with ice on my shoulder and I can't even speak much because thinking my way through a conversation seems almost impossible. The pain distracts me from everything. Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having to stop and start because of the constant stabbing pain.

Thankfully, for me, there may be an end in sight. I'm going to a specialist on Friday and, hopefully, he will give me a shot of cortisone to relieve this once and for all. I'm looking forward to being pain free once again because I'm sick and tired of feeling this way - sick and tired - all the time. Hurting is not fun! Pain affects every single thing I do, even just sitting and trying to relax. I'm over it! I need it gone NOW! But, once again, I think going through this has made me more aware of what some of the clients I work with go through. Maybe I'll have more empathy and be more effective at working with them. In the very least, I will be more understanding!