A look from the other side...

I honestly do not know how my dear husband or the people I work with can put up with me these days. And I have a whole new perspective on people who use narcotic pain killers.

As I have previously written, I've been going through a series of medical things all pertaining to constant stabbing pain in my right shoulder. It's been going on since the middle of summer and I've had an xray, an MRI and done phsycial therapy. I've taken Meloxicam - a mild pain reliever - which did nothing to alleviate any pain whatsoever - and now I've been prescribed Narco - which is essentially Tylenol with a buttload of codiene attached to it. It works but it puts me to sleep so I can only take it just before I go to bed. For the rest of the day I take regular Tylenol which makes no difference at all and, sometimes, the pain is so bad that I can only sit and hold back the tears at my desk. Needless to say, this enduring pain makes me a real bitch sometimes. It zaps my energy and makes me ubercranky and I am so tired of it all that I can't even really be apologetic about it.

I have worked with clients that have complained of chronic pain and some who have been addicted to pain meds and I can see the world through their eyes for the first time. The relief I get from the Narco is so great that I can see it's appeal and how easy it would be to simply take more to get that relief more often. Fortunately,  I do know how dangerous that is so I don't do it. I can also see why those clients who have chronic pain can be the more challenging folks to work with. Frankly, when you have this kind of pain, it's hard to concentrate or think of anything else. For me, there are nights when I am reduced to quietly sitting with ice on my shoulder and I can't even speak much because thinking my way through a conversation seems almost impossible. The pain distracts me from everything. Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having to stop and start because of the constant stabbing pain.

Thankfully, for me, there may be an end in sight. I'm going to a specialist on Friday and, hopefully, he will give me a shot of cortisone to relieve this once and for all. I'm looking forward to being pain free once again because I'm sick and tired of feeling this way - sick and tired - all the time. Hurting is not fun! Pain affects every single thing I do, even just sitting and trying to relax. I'm over it! I need it gone NOW! But, once again, I think going through this has made me more aware of what some of the clients I work with go through. Maybe I'll have more empathy and be more effective at working with them. In the very least, I will be more understanding!

My Laundry List...

So, summer is pretty well over and I'm faced with having an MRI done on my right shoulder which has been a sonofabitch all summer long. Bone spurs, they say. I was sent to physical therapy for it but that damn near killed me because the pain just kept getting worse. So, hi ho hi ho it's off to the MRI I go!

This summer has been a strange series of what I will refer as My Laundry List of Health Related Crap That I Had to Deal With.

It all started with my right knee. Now, for the past I don't know how many years, I have had pain in my left knee. It stems from a car accident when I was a kid and now I have arthritis in that knee. Plus, the knee cap isn't exactly all there so it aches most of the time and especially if it's going to rain. A couple of Alleve and I'm good. But earlier this summer, my right knee...the good one...started aching and throbbing and swelling up to the point where walking was a bitch! I went to an orthopedic doc and after some x-rays he tells me that I have some arthritis in that knee too but the pain is actually at the opposite side of the knee and is from over compensating for the afflicted side. So, I was sent to water therapy. It worked great! I learned exercises I could do at home and spent a lot of time in a super heated pool strengthening the muscles around my knee and it's perfect now! No pain!

Shortly after that happened, my arm began hurting. At first it was a dull ache which seemed to be mostly in my wrist. I had been treated for carpal tunnel a long time ago and I really thought it had just come back. Gradually the pain increased and was now a stabbing pain in my upper arm. Reaching for anything was painful! And it really did feel like someone was stabbing me! I iced it and took more Alleve and used my wrist brace. Then I went to Sweden for two weeks.

While I was there the pain kept on and it was getting worse. Additionally, while I was there I got an infected toe. A really ugly seriously infected toe. I had a small blister on my toe and made the stupid mistake of walking around my father-in-laws bathroom as I helped clean up some water that was flooding it. Turned out the water was coming from the sewage pipe and my toe was hot, red, swollen and oozing. I was scared I might get blood poisoning. Luckily, we had some disinfectant, antibiotic ointment and alcohol wipes so I just kept cleaning it well, and kept it bandaged. By the time we flew home it was healing nicely but my arm was acting up badly.

Once home, I knew, I had to see the doc. I was sent for x-rays. Bone spurs, they said. I was sent to therapy again. Every time I did my therapy I would not be able to do another single thing all night. I would be in so much pain that I could just sit and ice it and whimper. That night I would be not be able to sleep because any movement would cause the stabbing pain again. At work, I was unable to do much of anything and I work at a desk, for crying out loud! After two weeks, I called the doc again. I begged him to do something else and so...this Saturday...I will have the MRI.

Whatever this is, I will do whatever it takes to not be in this pain. I don't like taking medications so I'm not going to even try pain killers. I want this ordeal to be over with and I want my damn arm back again! All summer long I had health issues to deal with and I'm sick and tired of it. I don't want to head into Autumn with this hanging on! Enough already!