Today's entry is brought to you by the letter H...

The letter H stands for ho-hum...

This was a short week at work, thank heavens! Getting back into the routine after having a week and a half off was difficult to say the least. I am a real night owl and love to sleep late so that pattern started immediately on my first day off. On Wednesday, I had to be to work at 7am. I can honestly say that might have been the longest day of my life!

These coming months - January, February and March - are hard months for me. I don't really mind winter that much. I wish it would snow though. I much prefer snow to the low cold temps we have now. Snow at least blankets things and keeps the temps more moderate. But there's really nothing to look forward to in these next three months. It's dark, it's cold and it's boring.

I am pleased to tell you that on Day 4 of my New Year's Resolutions I have done pretty well do far. I'm very determined to keep my resolve this year. I'm doing it for me. Hey, I'm worth it!

I'm going to load up my kindle with good books. Maybe just sitting on the couch under a warm blanket with a good book will make the months fly by...

Maybe.

Until then, it's just ho-hum for me. Christmas is over, the New Year's begun and here we are in the dark cold months with nothing to celebrate. Ah well...

Holding onto Christmas...

Most people who know me know that I love Christmas. I do..truly. I'm one of those people who get a real kick out of crowded shops, Salvation Army bell ringers, snow, and decorating. I love planning what I'll get everyone, going out to get it and even wrapping it up.

This year, however, feels different to me. I'm mildly excited that Christmas is coming. I'm trying to put together a good one with a tree and lights and other decor. But everything I do seems so haphazard, without much thought, and basically is being done just so it gets done. Yesterday I went to Stien's to get a tree. I had hoped, once again, that the spirit of Christmas would somehow seep in while looking at all the colorful lights and decorations. But it didn't. The trip there became a lesson in patience and basically got cut short because it was obvious that the spirit wasn't showing up.

I even watched "It's a Wonderful Life" last night. I teared up a bit at the end but not like I used to and there was no camaraderie or popcorn or hot chocolate to enjoy with the movie. So it was me, playing on my computer, half watching the film and half not caring that it was even on. That's so unlike me.

I don't know where the spirit of Christmas went. I'm grasping at anything that will bring it back in my life. Even now as I sit here next to our little tree, all decked out in it's holiday finest, it just looks like a "thing" to me. No special meaning, no awe, no nothing.

There is some time before the actual holiday for me to get the groove back. I hope I do. Christmas was always a time of joy and wonder for me. A time to feel like a kid again. I hate that I feel that being slowly sucked away. I will hang onto it as long as I can and maybe, just maybe, I will get a Christmas miracle.

Me? ...meh

I'm feeling rather "meh" today. You know that ho-hum, middle of the road, boring, Muzak kind of feeling? I got it. I mean, there's work, there's family stuff, there's home, there's just more regular boring stuff going on and on.

It's January. It's cold. I get like this.

I don't know why I can't just feel some kind of satisfaction in that life is as good as it is. Because it is good. I mean, even with my mom being ill and all that, I am doing okay. We are doing okay. Better than most even. Yet...

I feel "meh".

I need something to look forward to. I need a plan. A goal. Some idea that eventually there is something fun and fabulous waiting for me to do. Then maybe the "meh" will go away...just for a little while.

So long holidays...

I always get a little melancholy at this time of year. You see, I love Christmas and all of the anticipation of Christmas...the lights, the tree, the wrappings. There's some magic in it for me even as a grown up. I can even feel it's draw at the New Year. There's still some shine in the tinsel and twinkle in the lights. But now, three days into the New Year, the Christmas lights I see still shining have a sense of desperation to them. They are hanging on in an attempt to hold our memories but, the truth is, we are rushing into the brunt of winter and the longest, coldest days. There are no immediate holidays to look forward to and we just keep plodding along, day to day, in the hopes that soon, there will be light and warmth. Seeing those lights makes me just a bit sad. I hate when the holidays are over.

It doesn't help that tomorrow I start a new job. Same place, different job. One that I am not at all sure of how to do or what to do. I'm feeling stressed about this. I've spent the last 15 years doing something I was good at and known for and now it's all changed and I'm starting at something completely different. I know I am lucky to have a job. And I know I could look at this as some kind of new adventure but the truth is I don't want a new job adventure. I liked my old one very much. I had a great boss and great co-workers and I am pissed that it's all been taken away. I suppose I am a tad resentful that tomorrow I'll go in, at new hours, work with new people, and have to learn everything all over again. It's not making the coming months easier to take, that's for sure.

I'll keep you posted. Maybe it will all turn out for the best. But right now, at midnight the night before I start, it doesn't look too good.

Of Mucinex and new glasses...

So last week I finally lost the good fight staving off the germs of all the sickos at work. These people...I swear...ALWAYS come to work when they're sick and act like it's a badge of honor that they made it. I wish they would just stay home, get well and leave the germs out of the office. But they don't. So I got it. Double ear infections and a cold. But, I'm happy to say, I am on the mend and feeling much better after some antibiotics and Mucinex. I do not, however, want to see a bowl of chicken soup again for a long time.

I know that in the past I've stated that I love snow and I do, really, I do. I am somewhat over the awe and wonderment of winter though. It's been damned cold here and the days just drag ass on so, yes, stick a fork in it, I'm done. Winter takes too long. I know it's because I am living in anticipation to February and beyond when Alex and I can get the immigration train rolling. I hate waiting and waiting in the frigid cold just makes waiting all that much worse.

One good thing happened. I am getting new glasses. They look like this.


I haven't actually got them yet but they should be in next week. I was sick when I went to the eye doctor so I hope my choice wasn't clouded by my Mucinex/Biaxin cocktail!

A balmy 7 degrees...

These past two days it's been horribly, painfully cold here in Wisconsin. The kind of cold that makes me throw any semblance of vanity out the window. I sprinted to the car each morning wearing a plaid babushka on my head to keep my head from freezing off. Yes, I was making a fashion statement. I was praying my car would start each day but half hoping it wouldn't because the thought of going back in and going back to my warm bed was just too appealing. Alas, the car started valiantly each morning. "Office casual" attire became "wear anything you damn please as long as you're warm enough". There were not enough sweatshirts in the world to keep me warm this week.

Ah, but today...today the windchill stopped for a brief time while the sun was out and the temperature rose to a balmy 7 degrees. People started to come out of their homes and businesses again if only for a couple of hours. There was traffic. I even made it to the grocery store without risking life and limb. And then...the sun went down, the temp dropped to -10 and the windchill became a factor once again.

Tomorrow they're predicting it will be almost 20 degrees!! This may be a cause for celebration. I'm sure people will be dancing in the streets. It's quite likely I will see Cheeseheads walking around in parkas, boots and shorts! But, of course, there will be snow. Because apparently even though we have 8 foot drifts everywhere and the streets have been reduced to one lane pathways, we just can't have enough snow. Besides my shovel isn't completely worn out yet so, by all means, bring on more snow. We have so much snow the neighbor kids have converted their snow fort into a three story townhouse. Yup, more snow....please.

By next week, they say the temps will be above freezing. I can't even predict what might happen then. The mere thought of it makes me giddy and there's likely to be total mayhem out there when that happens.

Seasonal Affective Disorder...

Here in Wisconsin, there are many people suffering right now with the onslaught of their seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Thankfully, I'm not one of them. I've always loved the winter and the cold weather and even the darker nights. But I can see some of my staff starting to feel it. SAD is more than just a bad case of winter doldrums. SAD actually presents with the same symptoms as regular depression so it's difficult to treat appropriately unless the person gets through at least two cycles and their psychiatrist can see a clear pattern. Luckily, it's easy to treat and treatment is pretty much free since the best treatment is exposure to light.

Here in Kenosha, doctors who are treating people with SAD actually tell them to make time to spend at our local downtown library. I know that sounds weird but our downtown library, the Simmons Library, was designed with a dome that's glass and draws in the most sunlight in any one place in Wisconsin so sitting in the library and reading for a while does work! And it's free! And you might get smarter! lol Generally, psychs don't prescribe medications for SAD but rather prescribe light treatment (either natural or from a purchased light bank) and an increase in activity which boosts the natural endorphins in the system.

It's not always the winter that brings on SAD. There is also a Spring/Summer SAD that can affect some people. The symptoms are a bit different. Some of the symptoms of SS SAD are loss of sleep and increased sexual behavior. We tend to think of this as "spring fever" but it's really a psychological disorder with a name.

In the US, fewer than 2% of people in Florida experience or get diagnoses with SAD. Of course, it's the sunshine state so that explains that. In Wisconsin, more than 10% of people have SAD. You'd think this percentage would be higher in Scandinavian countries where they have only a few hours of dull daylight in the winter or no daylight at all the farther north you go. The truth is native Scandinavians have "evolved" over time. Their bodies and minds have adjusted so well to their climate that they are no longer genetically predisposed to SAD. A very interesting fact since I'm always wondering how I will adjust once I move to Sweden.